I continue to do my "mini" decluttering of cupbboards and drawers. A kitchen cupboard was relieved of a few unneeded items. A couple more small items out of the upstairs closet.
DH made a little progress, which for him is considered huge progress. He even just sold a car part for $250. The main progress he made yesterday was finally parting with an old extra clothes dryer that has been taking up space in his shop. When we moved into the house in town (almost 8 years ago now) the previous owners left a dryer. It worked. DH stored it in the garage. Sometime while living there our dryer died and dh replaced it with the extra dryer. Then he never got rid of the one that doesn't work......why? because he might be able to fix it if the other dryer stops working. So, we have a washer and dryer in the shop bathroom and one in the house. We discussed it yesterday and I said if the dryer in the shop stops working, we'll get a new one (or more likely move the one from the house out there and put a new on in the house), there's no reason to keep this, taking up space. He finally decided he would get rid of it, by taking it apart, cutting up pieces, if necessary, and putting in the the garbage. Done.
After A LOT of talking about his hoard yesterday, that's as far as he got. He has several reasons he keeps everything - sentimental, guilt, he might need it someday, and just plain hoarding. I can certainly reason logic with him and he totally gets it, but he just can't get himself to end up parting with things. As is typical of a horder, he will always rationalize why he needs to keep it. He did finally try to contact a few racers he knows to see if they or anyone they know might be interested in some of the stuff he has. The problem with it all now is, it's all becoming obsolete. Rules and regulations have changed in the last dozen years and most of what he has isn't even "legal" to race with. And then he's got in his mind what it was all worth back then and doesn't want to "give" it to someone for pennies on the dollar. Or he says it's just too much work to try to get rid of it....I said what do you think is going to happen to it all when I or dd have to work to get rid of it all? It probably won't even go for pennies on the dollar - she or I will have to likely pay to have someone take it away....
Trying to reason with him is pointless and I finally just nicely told him so. I said I know he logically knows all this and he knows he logically knows all this, but unless he's actually willing to start actually getting rid of stuff (and large stuff), it's pointless to keep talking about it. I told him his way of dealing with it all, is to just keep re-organizing it, to make himself think he has more room. I asked him what he envisions a shop he would love looks like - of course it's one that has a couple of cars, work benches and tool boxes, lots of space to move around in. I asked him what do you want more - what you envision or just holding on to all this stuff that will never be used, finished, whatever?
And the sad part is, it's not just his 1700 square foot shop - it's also our large 3 car garage. It's the same way. Inside our house is totally the opposite. I'm not a minimalist, but lean more towards that, than stuff and clutter, that's for sure. I asked him last night - if the inside was filled with "stuff" everywhere, would he feel relaxed and comfortable living in his home? He said no. I said your shop and the garage is the same way. I go out there and feel anxious and almost claustrophobic. I said it's the reason you don't enjoy trying to do anything out there. You have to move stuff just to get to stuff.
On a joking note - he said that dryer has been his hiding spot out in the shop for my Christmas presents and stocking stuffers. He apparently even still had receipts in the dryer! he said now where am I going to hide your presents that you couldn't find them? I said buddy....you could literally put them just about anywhere out there and I wouldn't notice them, because walking out there and opening the door to all that stuff, to me, is like walking into a Where's Waldo picture. The only good thing about it all, is that it's very organized.
I mean, at least you had a conversation! But you are right, until he feels ready by his logic, nothing is getting cleaned out. I watch F1 and the regulations just changed, so I can only imagine that what he has for racing is also no longer useful. 100 sq ft shop and a 3 car garage full of junk, essentially. He would need a professional to help him see reason but I know for most folks they don't pursue that option.
ReplyDeleteI always get a bit encouraged when he wants to talk about it and wants to get rid of some stuff, but it always ends up being very very little and then he gives up in a day or two. There's really no way to force him into it - then I'll just be the blame for it. It has to be his decision.
DeleteDay 3 off - nothing done...grrr. PattiCinCO
DeletePattiCinCo - oh dang! At least my dh is still making some progress. He's getting the first section of the tongue and groove ceiling under the loft put in, with the shop lights, so at least one or two less of the 9 boxes of lights taking up space.
DeleteThat is hilarious about needing the dryer to hide your gifts. Tommy claims I only want to get rid of his stuff, not mine. Since his has been here since 1980 and mine for five years, yes, he has the lion's share of clutter. Plus, I do get rid of more than he does.
ReplyDeleteI never realized how big his shop was - that's bigger than our first house! To me it sounds like a very expensive storage unit, especially knowing there's not enough space for him to work on projects in it.
ReplyDeleteMy sister-in-law has always said (assuming my BIL dies before her) she's going to make three phone calls when he dies: the funeral home, 1-800-GOTJUNK and a realtor!
Around here people would be happy to take the dryer for scrap metal!
yep, I will be calling someone to just come haul it all away and have told DD to do the same with it all, if I die before him. I told her don't have any quilt that you need to try to even make an attempt to go through it all.
DeleteI have the exact same issue with DH. His "shop" is probably double yours and I can barely get my car in. Just this morning I told him, i don't care what you do of your week off but I want to see measurable effort made in that pit. He currently has "just with wheels"
ReplyDeleteA Class A RV, 40' toy hauler, pull behind camper, 4 motorcycles, a cargo trailer, a utility trailer, a skid steer and an ATV and of course his truck. He doesn't even "see" the amount we are putting out for insurance and tags every year.
I feel your pain.
DeleteI was just talking about exactly this 10 minutes ago with a friend. We both have the same sized house and are both single. She has money so has always bought beautiful stuff but is trying to get rid of things as she might move to Spain. The "sunk costs" hook is dreadful - "well I paid this much for that so I'm not going to give it away"! But then nobody wants it anyway do they! One thing that works for me is thinking about the "beautiful books I put in the book exchange last week" and how I hadn't even thought of them since I got rid of them. By my, you have lots and lots of space to clutter!
ReplyDeleteI can get rid of things very easily, so it's hard for me to understand his thought process. Everything seems like an excuse to hold on to stuff.
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