Saturday, November 30, 2019

Fa La La La La

I got all my decorating done yesterday. It couldn't have been a more perfect day/setting as it was snowing outside all day. It was harder, because being a new house, I wasn't sure where I was putting most of the stuff, including the tree! LOL. I also feel like I could use a bit more, with the house being so big. The tree definitely seems too small for the big room, so we'll think about that for next year. Either get a big real tree (and put the fake one in another room) or buy a new bigger fake one.

I also need more of the garland, for the stair railing. I had purchased this garland a couple years ago, from Lowe's Black Friday deal, online, for our outside porch railing. I need 4 more and Lowe's has them again for $4.98, but no shipping available this time. Booo! It was snowing all day yesterday, we didn't want to drive 45 miles to the city.

Mom was doing ok when I called yesterday morning, not great, but ok. Certainly much better than the later afternoon the previous day. But, she was back to "well, I know I'll have to move soon, up near DD, but I don't even know where to look". I told her (again) not to worry about it right now. We'll look for her, when the time comes, and figure it out. DD also talked to her around dinner time and she was doing really good then. My uncle also called her in the evening and then called me, to say she sounded really good then, too. When I talked to her yesterday morning she again brought up that BF had gotten pretty upset with her that she didn't come over. I have a strong hunch that's what set off her confusion episode. If she didn't feel well enough to want to go then there was no reason to get mad at her! Good grief! I also don't think he realizes that he's causing half her problems, in my opinion. He's the one who keeps telling her she has to move, getting her stressed and worried about it, which then, most likely, makes her not feel well. Honestly, I'm tired of him, now that I see how much he's affecting her.

Well, I have $15 Kohl's cash to spend between now and the 9th. Do I hold out and see if they will offer another free shipping code in December? I think I will. Right now it's free shipping with $25 order, which is better than usual.

Friday, November 29, 2019

Stuffed and worried

Well crap. I was waiting until early evening yesterday to call my mom and see how her day went, going to BF's care place for Thanksgiving dinner. She called me up just before I was going to call her. She was so confused. At first I thought maybe she thought she was calling DD because she said "so you are coming this weekend right?". I said no, DD is coming Saturday and then I am coming in 2 weeks. Then she said she didn't go to BF's for dinner, she woke up and "just didn't feel good" (again) so she called his DD and told her she wasn't going to go. She said BF was very upset with her about it.

I wish I had known she didn't go, I would have called her earlier in the day! She was so confused about who was coming and when. I had to repeat several times. I wonder what brought this on. She hasn't been like that since that day in August with her credit card and she got so overwhelmed and flustered she didn't know what was going on. She says she took her medication and that BF had asked her the same question (it sounded like she had just got off the phone with him). She's had a few days this week, again, where she woke up not feeling that good, but then is feeling better by noon. I don't know if maybe he got mad at her yesterday morning when she told him she was staying home and maybe that upset her. Hopefully she will feel ok Saturday, when DD goes. DD will go to see her even if she calls her up and says she doesn't feel like it.

Our turkey dinner was nice - except I totally forgot to buy yams! DH is the only one who likes them (alot) haha. I will run into town and pick some up today so he can have with leftovers. We did end up having to listen to neighbors new dog bark all day long, as soon as they left. What, do they think he doesn't bark? By early evening we got to wondering if this was the weekend they said they were going out of town. So, I texted her and as nicely as possible tried to say your dog is driving us nuts. I said is this the weekend you guys are at your sons? Poor B has been barking since you left and we tried to go talk to him, pet him, and gave him a treat, but it didn't help. Sorry. They got home about an hour later. It's next weekend they will be gone and they are going to board him while they are away. Thank goodness.

Thursday, November 28, 2019

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I'm up, the dogs are up. DH is still sleeping. He says he sleeps better for an hour after I get up, LOL. He's a bed hog. I'm just sitting here, drinking my coffee, enjoying the snowy scenery. We got a bit more snow last night. Apparently enough to start plowing the roads because just as I was going to bed last night we heard the toot of the snow plow horn as it went by....our friend saying hello, as he always does when plowing :)

As I was sitting in the living room last night a message popped up on my phone that Walmart Black Friday deals were starting. The only thing I wanted to order was some Wrangler jeans for DH. They usually have those on BF. This year for $12 (instead of regularly $17). I'm the one who really needs some new jeans. But for the past 2 years Walmart hasn't had any women's jeans in their Black Friday ad. I like the Lee jeans. Well, I looked at the price anyway and the Lee jeans I wanted were on sale for $11! (reg $20). I ordered each of us a pair. Since I had just bought DH 3 pair over the summer, one more should be good, until next year Black Friday. He had to have those pairs last summer as he literally wore his out, with all the work he did building house and site work.

As I was ordering I thought to myself - well, darn. I had earlier in the day just went ahead and ordered myself some Lee jeans from Kohls (I have a $7 anniversary coupon code to use) but they were $22. Oh well. Then I got up this morning and realized I had not placed the order yet. I forgot I was still thinking on maybe adding stuff to get to $50 to earn the $15 Kohl's cash. Whew. I deleted the $22 jeans. Now I don't have enough in my cart ($25) to get free shipping, so still need to figure out what to add. I did get some queen sized sheet set for $12.74. Better than $40-$50 for a set everywhere else I was looking (Target and Walmart). That's a great price. I need a better set of sheets for one of the guest beds. The set that is on one of the beds I do not like at all. Super thin and cheap, they came with the comforter I bought a few years ago. I've never really liked microfiber sheets.

My mom called me yesterday afternoon. She sounded better than when I had talked to her at noon (said she wasn't feeling that good). She had decided to run over to the store for a few groceries. On her way back in to her apartment complex she ran into BF's daughter. They are all going over to where BF's is being cared for and the lady that takes care of him (in her home) is having Thanksgiving dinner for them, so that is really nice and mom was really happy about it. Then on Saturday DD will be there to spend with her.

Well, off to figure out what to buy at Kohl's. I don't want to waste this $7 off coupon before it expires.

Wednesday, November 27, 2019

Grocery pick up for the win

I forgot to mention the funny from our grocery shopping trip last Friday afternoon. Since I wanted to get a turkey and pick out the size myself, I decided to just do what shopping needed to be done at the grocery store we used to shop at, and not do the Walmart grocery pick up this time.

DH always complains about the Walmart grocery pickup. He hasn't even had to go with me the last 3 or 4 times, LOL. When he was going with me, he'd complain about trying to drive through the (always) crowded parking lot to get over to the other side where you pick up groceries. So, I found a back/side entrance that skips all that. Then he will complain because something got substituted. Or he'll say "but I like to do grocery shopping". So, I just started going by myself.

So, we get to the store and he takes his cart to go get the soda, water and chips (might as well stock up since we are there) and I go off to get the turkey and other things on my list. The store wasn't too crowded, considering coming up on Thanksgiving, but the usual crowded, enough that I don't like it. Then we literally had the slowest checker of all time. As we are walking out to our car, DH says "ok, I'm over it. Walmart grocery pick up is much better" LOL! Just the night before that he had been talking with DD and she said when she got off the call with him she was going over to Walmart to pickup her grocery order. He was giving her crap about it. As we get in our car, he texts her that she is right about using it, LOL.

I called my mom yesterday morning but didn't really get anything out of her on how the visit with SB and his wife went. She just said it was good to see BF, even though it's hard seeing him not doing well. The day before, she had said SB and wife were going to also take her to pick up some groceries. Yesterday she says she's going to run over to Safeway today and get a few groceries. I said "oh, didn't SB take you yesterday?" and she said no, we just went and saw BF is all. I then brought up SB again and said so you guys had lunch first and then went to see BF? Again, no details out of her, LOL. Well, maybe that is a good thing. At least she didn't seem too out of it, like many times after SB has been "helping" her and she just ends up more stressed and confused.

I also see that now that she's not having to stay at BF's every night and sleeping in her own bed, she sleeps in a bit longer. Seems like she's back to her normal schedule, like when she lived in her home.

She mentioned "maybe next summer, when the weather is good, she can get on a bus and come see me. I then brought up her maybe coming over with DD/SIL when they come over for a few days at Christmas. (I've been kind of waiting to see what is going on/happening with BF before I mention it). She seemed to like the idea quite a bit, so we'll see. She changes her mind about stuff all the time. The next time I talk to her she'll probably say "oh, I think I'll just stay home". DD can chat with her about it when she sees her on Saturday.

DD called her yesterday afternoon on her way home from work. Said she was super chatty, laughing and joking (yay!). DD tried bringing up SB too, haha. She even went so far as to say "well, we thought they might be upset about the DPoA". Mom said "well, he should be glad he doesn't have to do it". LOL. She told DD that she was going to go to the store for a few things, but then decided not to, since it's right before Thanksgiving and the store would probably be really busy. So, that was good that she thought of something like that.

Tuesday, November 26, 2019

Payroll and presents

Just when I thought I was finally going to be able to submit our payroll with no issues/questions. Nope. Everyone was showing 75 hours and it's an 80 hour pay period. Some problem with how the payroll company set up our Holiday hours/schedule. Always something. I usually think first "Oh, I must have done something wrong", but it usually turns out to be some problem on their end, that half the time they can never seem to explain how/why it happened. I miss our old company. This one costs us more and we have to do so much more of all the payroll and HR process/data entry/set up, ourselves. We close 3 hours early on Wednesday, so that day is supposed to be 3 hours Holiday and 5 hours Regular. It was missing the 5 Regular hours. And the stupid part, is that all but 6 people are salary, so it really doesn't matter. But apparently the hours still have to be tracked as to what type they are, even if in the end we all get paid our regular salary. Usually I'm done with payroll by noon.....I finally got it transmitted at 5pm. Seriously reminds me of over 20 years ago, when I did payroll for a very large company (600 employees) and we used this same was always a stressful day trying to get payroll submitted (and it was weekly at that company, ugh!).

For son in law's Christmas present DD asked me to go in on a big gift she is getting him. I can't even remember what it is now. Something for their camper trailer and large in size. So, since they are coming here for Christmas and not to bring it here, she's just going to wrap the manual for it to give him. I also told her to give me a couple of smaller/low cost ideas that we can give him, for something to open, just from us. She suggested a magazine subscription and/or gift card to a restaurant he likes. I found a magazine subscription called Trailer Life she thinks he'd enjoy. It was like $19/yr on most websites. Then I found it on a magazine sales website for $12.99/yr. Then when I was placing my order and there was a spot for coupon code, I googled for codes and found one for 15% off that worked. Saved $1.95, LOL.  Still not exactly something he can unwrap, haha, but I'll just put a note about it in a little box and wrap it. I still need to get DD stuff.

That is the one and only Christmas gift I've bought so far. Yikes. I feel totally behind this year.  Over the weekend DH was saying it's so hard for him to get me stuff. If I tell him what I want, then of course that's what he gets me, so it's no surprise. If he orders something online, I end up seeing the charge and who it's to. Plus, he is just not a shopper. DD used to go with him and he'd do well picking out stuff. The first year we moved here, he went to visit his friend in TX for a week after Thanksgiving and had a bunch of cash with him. They totally went shopping and he brought a bunch of gifts home he picked out. The second year, he wrote me a bunch of different gift's on sticky notes. Last year, we didn't really do Christmas and bought a gift for ourselves (the metal art address sign). This year he doesn't know what to do. I only have a couple of ideas for him. I'm thinking we'll probably just pick out something for the both of us again. There's still tons of stuff we need for the house and yard.

I haven't called my mom yet this morning, to see how yesterday went. Still too early at her place. DD plans to spend all day Saturday with her. She is going to bring a small ham to bake in her oven, some mashed potatoes and rolls, so they can have a little "Thanksgiving" together. DD said she also invited DS to come over (he lives near my mom) and he said he would. So, that is nice to hear.

Monday, November 25, 2019

To move or not to move

We got a skiff of snow over night. The weather report is showing more off and on today.

My mom called me yesterday afternoon. She still sounded good, but it was an interesting phone call. My DD lives about 90 miles from her. I think my mom has been to her house once, and that was early on when they first bought the house (3 years ago) and she and my uncle went up there for a visit. So, I'm sure by now my mom has forgotten that. Anyhow, she called me up and said "you know, for some reason I had been thinking DD lived really far away from me. I really don't know what I was thinking but I got to thinking about me having to move and move near her and I realized she lives in ___, and that's really not that far. I really don't see a point in me moving again, since she doesn't really live that far away (it's typically about 1 1/2-2 hour drive, DD made it in 90 minutes from her work). I really like living here. I guess I thought she was lots farther away so it would be easier for her, but she's really not that far away. I'm not sure exactly why I thought I need to move, really".

I said well, I agree. I think we should just wait and see a bit how it goes now that BF isn't living there. Lets see how you do getting into your own routine. I told her I really think that it's been her BF putting the idea into her head that she needs to move up near DD (and SB). She said, yes, I think you are right. I said I really don't think this is anything that needs to be decided immediately. You are fine there, for now, and we can keep watch on how you are doing with everything and it's no rush.

She agreed and said "plus, I know the people here, I wouldn't know anyone if I moved". Then she said "OH, I feel so much better now! I've just kept thinking about having to move again and I really don't want to yet, as long as I'm doing ok with everything. I'm so glad I called and talked to you about it!".

I messaged DD about it. I told her I wish they (BF and SB) would just leave her alone about moving! For fricks sake. Stop stressing her out. And even if she really did need to move, it's all certainly something we could start to get arranged on our own, without getting her stressed about it. I have a feeling that this is what a lot of today's visit by SB, taking her to see BF, is going to be about. I'm going to give her a call this evening, too, and see how it went. See what I can get out of her (which is hard, oftentimes due to her short term memory loss). I told DD, I'll bet this afternoon/evening and tomorrow she'll be back to not doing as well, as she usually seems to get after SB's "help".

I still don't know what is going on with BF and the death with dignity. The only thing she seems to know is that for some reason it's going to take longer than they thought. Which obviously it is, because if he had been able to get it approved, his 14 days would have been passed by now. I'm guessing maybe the dr's couldn't say he for sure has less than 6 months to live, which is part of the requirement to get approved.

We see our DS has a new girlfriend. This is someone he has known since he was a kid. So, at least he is finally with someone his own age, she doesn't have any kids and isn't/hasn't been a druggy. She's the sister of a friend of his. She has a job (asst. mgr of retail store), her own place, nice car, etc. Much improvement over these older, druggies, with kids, women he's been with the past 5 years.

Sunday, November 24, 2019

Sunday stuff

Our electrician came out yesterday to check out our smoke alarm issue. Sure enough, the 3 smoke alarms (up and down) on that side of the house were not even working! Apparently never had been, other than off battery power. There was a wire that never got hooked up to the one in the den and it was also connected to the 2 on that side of the house upstairs. It was at least a very easy fix for him,  though I don't think he was too happy with his guys missing that! He couldn't figure out why, though, the one in the hallway also went off (it's a combo smoke/carbon monoxide) so just to be safe he swapped it for a new one.

We didn't do a lot yesterday. Watched a movie in the afternoon and watched another one after dinner. This morning I have been doing some vacuuming and what not. DH took a big piece of green outdoor carpet over to neighbors. We wanted to get rid of and neighbor lady wanted to try it in their dog kennel. Neighbor guy went hunting yesterday morning and got his deer for the season.

DH also cut out a bit of the grass sod around a tree trunk in the back yard, as he won't want to be mowing it next year, right up to the trunk. The weather is back to wet and rain.

I just talked to my mom. She says she got her pill box filled up yesterday. She also said SB and his wife are coming to take her to see her BF tomorrow......she said "I guess they don't think I can drive myself anymore, I don't know why". Then a bit later she said "I don't even know how they knew I was planning to go see him tomorrow". I said well, I'm guessing BF called him.........It will be interesting to see how she does the rest of tomorrow and next day......SB seems to always end up causing her more confusion and stress with his "help".

But, she sounded very good. Very chatty, making jokes and laughed pretty hard at a story I told her about one of my dogs.

Saturday, November 23, 2019

The occasional deep thought

SAM commented on my last post about SB sounding so arrogant and condescending. I had been in the process of writing the below, which pretty much talks about the same thing.

I'm not typically a person who spends a lot of time analyzing life, people and things as to the how and why. But, I was kind of trying to figure out why SB (and his wife) would think I shouldn't be the one handling my mom's life, as she ages, given that fact that I am her (only) child and we have a good/close relationship. We had one little blip in our relationship, about 6 years ago or so, and it really wasn't much. It was mostly me just feeling upset and I did tell her how I felt about the situation, but we certainly have never even had a falling out in all our lives. I was a good teenager and we got along great through those years, too.

My mom has always been a very independent and busy gal. Always was out and about doing stuff. Busy for many years taking care of my dad, then my grandma. And while I moved and she was still doing ok with her memory, we didn't talk every day. Usually caught up once a week. She was busy doing her stuff and with her BF. And usually she and BF would spend like Fri (sometimes Thurs) through Monday together, usually at his place. So, I usually just made my weekly call earlier in the week (or she would call me just as often), when I knew she might need the "company", rather than when I knew she was busy with  BF.  I just figured she'd appreciate the call more when she was all by herself, and maybe feeling lonely for those days, with no one around. Maybe BF just thought I never called her. (now that she needs "more" I call her every day, at least once a day)

The family history:
As I have mentioned, I was 11 and SB was 21 when our parents married. He was an adult, off living his own life and I was just a kid, so of course we weren't close. He got married in his early 30's, still married to her, and no kids. By the time I was an adult, there just had never been a bunch of interaction with each other, other than family get togethers a few times a year. We had always lived a good 50-60 miles apart. The same goes for my 3 other step siblings. His older brother we saw even less. He lived abroad or out of state almost all of those years. My youngest SB spent most all his 20's and early 30's as a professional student, so he was always over a couple of hours away, for many of those years. The step siblings all lived 50-60 miles away from where I lived (I lived close to my parents).

I basically grew up an only child. My youngest SB (2 1/2 years older than me) did come and spend weekends with us/his dad quite often, but the other 3 were too old and doing their own life.  Of any of them, I was closest with him growing up. But he was always an odd duck. Very slow to mature. I had my driver's license before he finally went and got his, at 18 or 19. He never really had many friends, was a good student, and never dated. Then he went off to college and would have stayed there even longer, but my parents were paying for it and finally cut him off, after like his 3rd degree, LOL. He then got a scholarship to law school and did that for 3 more years (never did become a lawyer). Then he met a woman in law school and they got married when he graduated (at like 35) and had two kids. I hardly know his wife - she hardly ever came to our family get togethers. It was either she was "sick" or she "had to work".

My step sibs all got college degrees and went into white collar jobs andmarried white collar/degreed spouses. Me, while I got a degree and went into a white collar job, I married into a blue collar life/construction worker. My youngest SB is the only one of the 4 of them to have kids (and he did much later in life). So, while they had nice homes, comfortable lives, were already established in careers, I was working on getting my degree, having kids, working (and being a SAHM for 5 1/2 years) and DH trying to make a go of being self employed. We lived in a mobile home for 27 years. We didn't drink wine and go on vacations to Europe, or skiing in Aspen. We just didn't have a lot in common with them.

For some reason, I'll always remember a comment SB made to me, one time at a family BBQ. I was pregnant with my 2nd and had just taken the CPA exam, but I was going to be a SAHM for a few years, after DD was born. He said something like "why bother taking the CPA exam if you aren't going to work?" I think I said something like "well, I do plan to go back to work in a few years and it will be good to have on my resume". What I should  have said was "why did you bother getting a degree you have never ever worked in or used?"

SB (or his wife, both now retired) didn't have a job any "more" than my job/career I have. I'd say they were on the same job type/level I am on. Not managers or higher ups. They were probably on a similar salary level I am on, but granted there were 2 of them earning that.

I have also always been a quiet, reserved person, even as a kid. So, I don't come across as "in charge" type of personality. And I can be especially reserved around people I don't know really well (or just don't feel comfortable with). I'm always nice and friendly, but I'm not the type to be opinionated with people. I don't go around bragging about what I do or know.

As much as I don't know inside their lives, they don't know mine either. Other than my step sister, none of them are on Facebook (you know, that's kinda above them, I'm sure) and my step sister posts very infrequently. She and her dh retired early and moved out of state, shortly after we did, but are now only 90 minutes from us and his family lives on the other side of us, and it sounds like they visit them fairly often, so I know they pass through here on their way to visit them every. When she moved to their new place and had sent me a message through Facebook that they realized they passed by our new town on the way to visit her Dh's family, I messaged back, stop by anytime! we'd love to see you. That was over 2 years ago.

I was trying to remember the last time I even saw SB. I'm thinking it was about 2015. Must have been the last time my mom had her annual Christmas get together with the "steps". She always had a get together around the weekend before or after Christmas for them and we'd have it in my parent's community clubhouse. She tried to continue it most years, after my dad died. Anyhow, that's the last I recall sitting in the clubhouse, talking and eating with them all. And the reason I'm thinking it was end of 2015 is because politics came up and my (really) snobby sister in law (married to oldest) who is a journalist (so you know where she stands....wayyy Left....) said if Trump or Cruz gets in, she's moving back out of the country. (she didn't LOL)

I found the post for the get together, LOL: 
This was my oldest SB's wife. The step sibs aren't that bad, LOL. Or maybe they are, and just aren't bold enough to actually say stuff like that out loud.

And I'm quite sure they all have always looked at me as "less than" them and what they accomplished.  Hence, the condescending attitude. While, of course, they would never voice those kind of thoughts out loud, let's face it, people judge. I'm sure they have the impression in their minds that I'm not good enough, or competent enough, to handle my mom's affairs. In their minds, they are a step above me. I'm just the lower class daughter, who couldn't possibly know how to handle all these things, like they could. My DH didn't go to college, so we can't possibly be as intelligent, competent, or trustworthy as they are.

Anyhow, it is what it is. I know who I am and that I can manage for my mom just fine and she will, in the long run, be happier and better for it. I also try to fast forward 10 years from now. She'll be 88 (and I'm sure her memory will be worse, if not her health, too). If SB was in charge, he'd be 75 and having to deal with all my mom's needs and decisions on a regular basis. And the way the DPOA had been set up, if for some reason he couldn't do it anymore, then my uncle was next. He'd be 85 and living 2 hours from her, trying to handle it all. I love my uncle, but he's not the one to take care of all that. The 3rd in line was my oldest SB (seriously?), who would be 77 by then and has seen my mom less than SB over the years. Good grief! I'll be 65 by then and hopefully a little more capable, physically and mentally to help her, than these guys near 80 or in their 80's. I'm sure it's enough for a person that age to just take care of themselves and/or their spouse, let alone another older person. We've seen how that has worked out for my mom at 78, trying to care for her BF at her age. Just too much!

Friday, November 22, 2019


We're finally seeing some sunshine, rather than clouds, fog, and rain. But, with the sunshine comes colder temps, of course, and we're looking to see snow starting Sunday. Ok by me. I was getting tired of the clouds.

I cannot get back to my MTurks level of $20 per day. I am trying, too! I can barely even do the $5/day I was doing before my "breakthrough". I don't know what is going on. I'm just not catching any of the hits I am trying for. My best day the past 2 weeks has been $8. Disappointing. After earning over $450 last month, I had high hopes going forward, with this.

My morning call to my mom yesterday - she sounded so good! Very chatty and upbeat, like she did that week after my visit (when BF's kids started taking on more responsibility). What wonders not having to take care of BF does, right?! She said she turned her tv on, which she hasn't done in awhile, and was watching the Price is Right. She also said his daughter is going to pick her up on Thanksgiving day and go spend time with BF for a couple hours or so. Then she will bring her back to her apartment, where she plans to partake in the big Thanksgiving dinner celebration in the dining room.  DD will be spending the Saturday after with her. She was planning on taking her to visit BF, but decided since she will have just seen him, she's probably not going to (unless Grandma really expresses a desire to). She said she'd rather just spend the time she has with her Grandma, not him. She's not too keen on BF anymore, anyway, after finding out all his behind the scenes stuff with SB. (she keeps telling me her gut doesn't trust SB).

I'm slowly getting our new payroll system figured out. Boy, it seems like it's taking me forever. There sure is a lot more involved that I have to do with it, compared to our old company. In our old company we basically had a dedicated support person who handled quite a few of the tasks I'm now required to do. And this new company/system just has a lot of weird quirks to it and so many steps to get a payroll processed, then more steps after that, even. My boss does the HR side of it, and I'm guessing it's just as much more work for her (adding new employees, etc) compared to our old company. Plus, we've been adding new people like crazy the past couple of months. Not that we are a huge company but we've just increased our staff by 10 % in the past couple of months.

I ordered that digital calendar/medication reminder for my mom yesterday, to deliver to DD's house. She will figure out how it works and plans to take it to her when she visits next weekend. Fingers crossed it's helpful.

Thursday, November 21, 2019

bed, turkeys and alarms

When my mom moved, she couldn't take her king sized bed, so she just took one of her guest bedroom twin beds. She's mentioned a few times she may get a queen sized bed. But, honestly, until Tuesday night she hasn't really slept in it much! She mentioned it again (since she finally got to sleep in it again) and I asked her what BF's kids are going to do with his bed in his apartment? Maybe she could just take it? She thought that was a great idea, so she was busy yesterday afternoon figuring that out, LOL.

First she wasn't sure if it would fit (I'm sure her bedroom is similar size to his, haha) so I told her queen size is 60" wide and asked her if she still had a tape measure. She got it out and determined it would fit. It sounds like BF's kids will take away her twin bed for her. I think she called me like 3 times (maybe 4) yesterday, LOL. That was good though. And she really didn't have much forgetfulness. Like sometimes I'll talk to her in the morning, and then again that same day and sometimes she forgets she talked to me earlier. She knew she was calling me a bunch of times, haha. I told her it was no problem and that it was nice for me to get a little break from work every so often. DD talked to her around dinnertime and said she sounded good then, too.

I work a half day tomorrow, so I think I'll either make a trip into the city or into town. I need to get a turkey for our Thanksgiving dinner here. I don't want to get too much other food, because the turkey will take up so much freezer space for a few days, but I will need some stuff. I still have quite a bit of food left from my last shopping trip almost 2 weeks ago. We've really been eating lighter, smaller dinners, so I haven't been using up the meat as fast. But, I could use some more milk, bread and salad fixings.

Last evening DH was taking a nap in his recliner and I had just lay down on the couch to close my eyes and one of our smoke alarms went off for a couple seconds. That was a rude wake up! So loud and screeching. We both jumped up to figure out what was going on and weren't exactly sure which one went off. There is one inside DH's den, one near the entryway and one in our bedroom. Then it went off again for a couple seconds. It was the one in DH's den. He though maybe the battery was low (they run on ac with battery backup). As he was replacing the battery the one in the entryway area went off. Poor black dog. He did not like any of this and was literally shaking.

Long story short we do not know what in the heck is going on with them. There are 4 upstairs, too. I think they are interconnected types (our electricians installed them). The one in his den will no longer show the green light (meaning it's connected to ac power). He sent electrician guy a text to get a hold of us today and he texted this morning that he couldn't come out until next week and if it acts up again just pull it out, until he can get here and replace/figure out the problem.

Wednesday, November 20, 2019

And still on mom stuff

This week seems to be plugging along. My mom called later in the afternoon yesterday to tell me she had just gotten back (BF's daughter had driven) from being at BF's new place and getting him settled in. She said he's in an adult care home type setting (like my grandma was in) and has his own bedroom. She also said it's not too far from her place. So, (eek) it sounds like she plans to go visit him occasionally....but she did mention as it's getting winter now (even though they only get rain, LOL) she won't go over there very often.

She said it was hard seeing him have to stay there, so I'm sure she'll be a bit down/sad for a bit. I told her he'll get much better/needed care there. Then she made a comment about she knew BF's DD wouldn't go for it, and she only has a twin bed in her apartment, so she couldn't anyway, but maybe she could've just had him come stay at her apartment instead of going to this nursing home. I said NO! (gently, LOL). That would be just way too much for her to have to do. She can't do it and needs to take care of herself. She said oh, I know you are right.

My uncle called  yesterday afternoon. He said he just had a phone conversation with SB (I'm assuming SB called him. He said it was a "friendly" call but I guess SB was just surprised about this whole DPOA change (he's known about it for over a week now). Uncle said he told him it doesn't have anything to do with trust issue, but it's a FAMILY issue. That I am her daughter and she is my mom, and I should be the one taking care of it for her. Apparently SB had him on speaker phone because then (I'm assuming it was her) his wife in the background said "so, you realize she now has full control over her money?". Uncle said his reply to that was "and that's how it should be". Good for him. I'm glad they got to hear another family member's opinion. And quite honestly, I don't really even think of any of them as true family. They are not my mom's family. Not in the sense that we have that bond with each other (me, mom, uncle, dd) - shared family memories, etc. As I mentioned SB was 21 and away at college/on his own when my mom and his dad got married. I'll bet over the last 40 years, she saw him a half dozen times a year and since my dad died 10 years ago, she probably sees him (for like lunch or a quick visit for couple hours) 2-3 times a year, at most. SB and his wife never had kids, so there were no grandkids for my mom and stepdad to visit/see them more often, etc. And I'm sure the only reason SB saw my mom a few times a year, since my dad died, was because, until he retired, he was working for a company near where she lived, and he commuted a long distance from where he lived. If he had't been working nearby her, I doubt she would have seen him even that often. As my uncle said, he himself doesn't even know SB! He's probably only met him a few times over all these years....(said he wouldn't know him if he knocked on his door.)  as usually my mom's side of the family (my uncle and grandparents) weren't at family gatherings with my step siblings.

I worked up a spreadsheet yesterday trying to get a better feel for how long my mom's current money should last. Of course, I had to estimate unknowns, but I was conservative and used historical averages for inflation and social security yearly increases. I put her earnings on her investment IRA at 4%/yr. I estimated her income tax on her IRA draws, based on what she has been paying (I do her tax returns). I then used worse case scenario, that she would, starting now, need full time nursing care.  Her money should last 19 years.  I then plugged in a little bit (hopefully) more realistic numbers. Like she gets to spend this next year in her current living situation.  Then 2 years of assisted living, then full time nursing care after that. Well, obviously that extends her money even several more years.

And let's be realistic, if she is not well enough that she needs full time nursing care starting now, it's highly unlikely she's even going to live 19-20 years more. (that would put her at 97).

I don't know how SB (per his email to me a couple weeks ago) thinks she only has enough to live comfortably for another 10-12 years. To run out of money in that amount of time, she would have to start spending $110,000 (plus inflation) a year. Granted, I know there are obviously high priced places elderly (who can afford it) can live that probably cost that much. But, there are also perfectly  fine care places that cost $2,000-$3000 a month less than those highest cost places. My grandma was in a private pay adult care home, with full nursing care for her, and it was about $4500/mo. My initial estimate of starting with that right now, I used $7000/mo cost.

Bottom line, someone almost 79 years old, and with nearly 1 million dollars, should certainly be able to live comfortably the rest of her life! long her her apparently unworthy daughter doesn't swindle it all from her!

Tuesday, November 19, 2019

It's a good morning

Last night, while I was sitting reading/sorta watching tv (listening to the news) I get a text from my side job boss lady. She said the big boss (her husband LOL) says to give myself a Christmas bonus check for $1000, and that's net after taxes, so it's really like $1360. Very nice! I emailed the big boss this morning and said thank you for the nice Christmas bonus, it's very much appreciated!. He replied back "easy to do. Cause you are the BEST". LOL.

DD texts me this morning "are you doing the happy dance?" I'm like no, should I be? She says it's BF's moving day! LOL. I said oh right! Yes, as soon as I finish my coffee and wake up, I'll do the happy dance.  Hopefully mom will adjust to the change quickly and not be too sad. Like I keep reminding her, they can call each other on the phone every day. When she was living in her home, they sometimes went a week or more without seeing each other (just talked on the phone) because sometimes when it was her weekend to go stay with him, she wasn't feeling well and ended up not going. And maybe since his DD lives in same area, she might kind enough to go pick up my mom and take him over to visit him every so often.

That's all I know for today, so far. Short and sweet :)

Monday, November 18, 2019

Monday is starting out good

It was a really relaxing weekend, for the most part. Weather was cloudy and damp all weekend, but warm (relatively speaking!) at high 40's. We sure haven't been seeing the sun much, though.

I got a book (ebook) read. Craig Johnson's latest Longmire book. Good, as always. I had finished watching all the Netflix Atypical shows, so I didn't have anything else I'm watching right now. DH has really just been taking it easy the past week, which is not his normal style. We talked a bit about our next project, which is getting the pantry shelving put in. Put that $500 we got for selling the topsoil towards it....or buy a chest freezer for the garage. For right now, even though not ideal, I just have an old bookshelf in the pantry. I'm thinking I'd rather have a freezer, right now.

I called my mom yesterday morning and caught her in the dining room finishing up breakfast. That was good, as it doesn't sound like she had been down there much this past week, for breakfast. She sounded a lot better than Thursday and Friday. And one of BF's kids was going to be there all day Sunday with him, so she wasn't having to help him all day, either.  My uncle called me around dinner time yesterday and said he had just talked to her and thought she sounded better than prior several days, but not as good as the week before. I told him I think last week BF's kids weren't coming very much, and she was doing it all, plus she missed her meds on Thursday.  I'm going to order that digital calendar/medication reminder thing on Amazon and have it sent to DD's this week. She can try it out, set it up, and take it to mom when she goes to see her Thanksgiving weekend.

Ever since my trip to see my mom, I cannot seem to get back into the routine of doing MTurks. Ugh. I did manage to do like $60 last week, nothing terrible, but not was I was doing the past 4 weeks.

My boss is on vacation since last Friday and for a few days this week. She usually checks emails and though I really try not to email her when she is off, it was one related to an employment verification. She then texted me a picture of a beach/ocean and said this is where she is reading emails from. I replied back "ohhh nice! You really shouldn't be reading emails at all!".

My mom just called me this morning, while she was sitting waiting for her breakfast. She still sounds good, and I'm glad she's back to eating breakfast down in the dining area, rather than just banana and toast in her apartment. She said the plan is still to move BF tomorrow and his daughter is taking a few of his things over to the new place today and asked my mom if she wanted to ride along, which will be good for her, to see where he will be staying and get out and do something.

Let's hope for a good week :)

Sunday, November 17, 2019

More mom stuff

Mom said she was feeling better yesterday morning, but I could tell she's tired. She said BF's daughter got there in the morning and was going to be able to spend all day, so she was glad of that. I asked her (as I always do) if she took her morning pills. She says oh ya. Then I brought up refilling the pill box again for the next week. Then of course realized she hadn't taken her Sat am pills! Argh!! She has one pill she takes right when she gets up (before eating). Then the others later morning. I think maybe she is thinking I'm asking about that first pill, so I'm going to have to start to be more specific.

I told her I'd give her a call later and we could do the pill box, so I called her back at 1:30 her time and she seemed pretty good. She said she had gone down and eaten lunch. Then she cleaned up her table and desk. While trying to get her pill box filled up over the phone was still painful, it only took 35 minutes this time, rather than 55, LOL. She has like 4 different vitamins. I'm thinking of looking into a multivitamin that has these in it, so she just has one pill to take and put in her pill box, instead of 4!

Woke up this morning to a text, sent at midnight last night. From SB's wife. It was sent to me, DD, and SB. Said Pls let us know of any concerns about your mom and how we can help. and she signed it her and SB. Weird. But, maybe just their way of saying they now know I'm in charge and they are available to help, if needed. I just replied back. Thank you, We appreciate it.

When I talk to my mom and help with stuff, like talking her through filling pill box she is very appreciative and thanks me. I always try to be very sweet and patient, no matter what. She said yesterday that she's so glad I am ______(and then she forgot the word). I assumed she was probably going to say patient, but I didn't want to put words in her mouth, so I just let her try to figure out what she wanted to say. She still couldn't think of it, but said "well, BF gets so frustrated with me on things like this", so then I said "Patient". She said yes. I said I don' t mind at all taking the time to help her with whatever I can.

DD and I are looking online at what assisted living is available up near her. There are a couple close by that offer the different levels of care. I'll have them send me a brochure or info to look at. Just so we have a bit of homework done, in case we do decide to move her. But, I really think, once BF is gone and she can get into a normal routine she will be ok there. She said while at lunch she talked to some of the ladies about some upcoming activities and said "I need to start having some fun". LOL

Saturday, November 16, 2019

No rest for the wicked

DD ended up getting to spend about 4 1/2 hours with my mom yesterday, so that was good. After they got back to her apartment and put her groceries away, we then figured out her Verizon bill (speaker phone).  Then DD said grandma decided to balance her checkbook (she had also just deposited some checks she had, while they were at the bank). DD said she just did the math in her head, like it was nothing.

Then mom decided she'd like to hang some of her pictures on the walls. We had bought her some hardware for hanging pictures when I was there, but didn't end up hanging anything. DD said while they were hanging pictures BF called, wondering where she was/what she was doing. When they got done and it was getting close time for dd to head home they went down to BF's apartment, so DD could say hello before she left. (he's basically bedridden). His daughter was there. They went into say hello to him and he tells DD that he called SB this morning because she's not doing very well. DD said she just kinda stood there stunned for a second. She said what she wanted to say was "well, then why didn't you call my mom?!". But, she just said "oh. I just spent 4 or 5 hours with her and I think she's doing great." She said even my mom kind of had a surprised look on her face. Then his daughter said "well, she wasn't feeling well this morning". My mom said well yes, I wasn't feeling very good when I first woke up, but I'm doing fine now.


She has not slept in her own bed for at least 2 weeks now. Basically, she's paying $3600 a month for a place to store her stuff!

And now instead of moving him to the place he's going to be staying/cared for on Monday, now it's been changed to Tuesday.  Tuesday cannot come fast enough for me.

Friday, November 15, 2019

Feeling relieved

The new Durable Power of Attorney and the Revocation notice are all signed and notarized now. Whew. I feel so much better to now at least have that off my mind. DD texted me as soon as they got done at the bank :).  And since the bank is inside the grocery store, she had my mom also pick up whatever groceries she needs.

I felt such a relief once that POA was taken care of. I could just feel my tension rising the closer it got to the appointment time. I know DD was too. She said she could just imagine taking Grandma into the bank and grandma acting all confused and they'd be like "heck no, we're not notarizing this" LOL. (she's not that bad, LOL).

Then we proceeded to figure out this Verizon charge. It's all ok. I'm not quite sure how happened, but it looks like the $68 bill for the 2 months (because she missed Sept) got paid/charged to her card. Then the next months bill must have not reflected that payment, because it was for the $68 prior balance plus this month, making total of $105. Which then got now she has a $68 credit on her account, LOL. It'll all get worked out, and a least now I have the log in.

DD got there earlier than she thought she would so they had time to go downstairs to the dining room and have lunch, so mom got a good meal in her. They got her stocked up on a few groceries, so she should be good on that until DD is there again in a couple weeks. I talked to them on speakerphone after we got the Verizon thing figured out. I think mom got a paper statement that had the $105, so she had written out a check on her desk. So they destroyed that and mom joked "too bad you weren't here, too, we'd all go out for a nice steak dinner since I have $105 extra dollars" LOL.

DD looked at her pill organizer box....put away in her kitchen cupboard and sees she did forget to take her yesterday morning could maybe explain why she's not felt good yesterday and this morning. I even asked her yesterday morning if she took them.......sigh.........other than that she forgot one night of her cholesterol medication, on Monday.

DD has spent a couple hours with her and said actually she seems to be doing pretty well. She balanced her checkbook while DD was there.....DD said she's still a math wizard, did the math for her checking register in her head, LOL.

DD said she's going to give uncle (her great uncle) a call on her way home this afternoon and let him know the DPOA is all taken care of. Works for me. One less call I have to make today, and she enjoys talking to him.

Well, now maybe I can finally relax and get a good nights sleep! It's been a long almost 2 weeks worrying about this.

Getting through this day

Today is the day to get mom's new Durable Power of Attorney signed and notarized. DD is on her way to her place now, but will probably take her 1 1/2 to 2 hours to get there. Traffic is showing 90 minutes. I will be so GLAD when this is finished.

Yesterday and again this morning my mom is not feeling that great. UGH. She assures me she's taking her meds but the last 2-3 mornings I have called she has mentioned just eating a banana and or toast for breakfast, so it appears she is also not going down to the dining room for breakfast, as she has been every morning prior. When I talked to her later yesterday afternoon, she said she was feeling ok, then.  This is what she was going through quite often before she moved to this place. Lots of mornings where she didn't feel well for a few hours.

Just really wondering what changed this week, from last week, where she seemed to be doing really good. It's hard to get out of her just how much time she has to spend taking care of her BF. She's always kind of vague, but from what little I can gather, last week one BF's kids were there all day and she only had to do evenings/spend the night. I've gotten the impression that this week they have been coming less and less and she's been there more and more. Maybe it's just as simple as she is getting worn out! I hope that is all it is.  When DD called her last evening to remind her that she is coming today, she said grandma made comment that she hopes BF's daughter doesn't need her there during that time.

Even this morning, she's having trouble remembering that DD is coming at 12:30 today. She had written herself a note, but apparently got confused by her own note. I really think a lot of her confusion is she really just needs something like that digital display I'm going to get her that says what day of the week it is (as well as it will remind her it's time for meds). 

BUT, in good news, she did tell me that BF's kids finally found a place to take him for care and he is supposed to be going there starting Monday. Thank goodness. I know she will miss him dearly, but I really want to see how she does/feels once she can now get into her own routine and just taking care of herself, finally. I am so hoping once she finally gets to sleep in her own bed every night, she will start to feel better. I know she hasn't slept in her own apartment for at least 2 weeks straight. Basically she's been paying $3600 a month to store her stuff!

My uncle and I have been sending short emails off and on. He asked me yesterday if the POA was transferred yet, and I told him it was happening today, with DD's help. He replied back that he is so glad and that my being in charge makes him feel so much more comfortable.  That was really nice to hear and I told him so.

Wish us luck this all goes smoothly today and that my mom starts to feel better again, soon.

Thursday, November 14, 2019

another mystery

I've been trying to take a look at least once a week or so at my mom's bank account online (checking, savings, and credit card). It looks like I'm going to have to look into a charge that just showed up, for Verizon. Ugh.

The last couple of mornings I called her she didn't seem as perky as she had been for the past week or so. This morning she said she wasn't really feeling that well. She says she is remembering to take her meds. I will verify that when DD gets to her place tomorrow.....

So, I don't want to bother her today with asking if she has any idea what this Verizon "bill pay" charge of $105 is for. I'm sure she won't know, anyway.  Her regular monthly Verizon bill is charged to this credit card monthly and also says same description "bill pay", but it's always for around $31/mo and on around the 21st of each month. On the 25th of October she had a charge about double her monthly bill. There was no charge for Sept.....and my guess is that is when she had her card cancelled and a new one sent and she probably missed updating Verizon with the new card#, so Sept and Oct got ran thru her card on 10/25. At least that's what I assumed happened. I went back through all her monthly cc statements and before that each month had a $31 charge, no missed months, other then Sept.

What this new charge of $105, today, is for I have no idea. Nothing I saw when going through all her stuff while I was there, showed a log in for Verizon. I would guess she probably never even set one up. She doesn't even text (she still has an old flip phone). I don't want to bug her today, so I tried to see if she had a verizon account online just by entering her ph#. She apparently does, but to get into it, of course it wanted to text her or email her......the email was partially hidden, started and ended with the first and last letter/number of her email address, BUT it was and not email. What in the world?! I then tried to see what I could find out on this yahoo email address. To reset the password (I wasn't going to do it, just wanted to see what came up) it shows it would need to either send email to the yahoo address or a text to a mostly hidden ph#....starts with a 3 (for the area code) and ends with 12. No number I can guess what it would be for/who's it is. It's not my SB cell ph#.

Oh brother. So, while DD is there tomorrow (as long as she's feeling ok) I'm going to see if she can get a text message from Verizon, so I can try to log into her Verizon account and see what this charge is for. If not, I'll wait until another day and get on a 3 way call w/Verizon and have her give them permission to talk to me about her account. It's bugging me and I want to figure it out. I'm hoping I can get to the bottom of it tomorrow with DD's help, while she's there at her place.

Is it Friday yet?

We had some sort of phishing/email breach at work yesterday, so we all had to change our passwords. What a pain. In good news, it appears we are getting the second half of our semi annual bonus next month. Whew! In bad news, with our new payroll company/system I have to actually enter all the bonus's, LOL. With our old company my boss would send a spreadsheet list and they'd do it all.

My mom has seemed a little bit tired these past 2 days calls, compared to all last week. She's still having to help quite a bit with her BF, so maybe that is wearing on her. She's telling me she's taking her meds, so I hope so. DD will be there tomorrow and can take a look at her pill organizer and make sure.  My uncle emailed me asking if she should still be driving. I told him that I plan to look at that at my visit next month, but that as far as I know she hasn't even been driving anywhere, anyway. And she mentioned yesterday there is a "shopping trip" coming up, where they go on a bus with other residents, and she was thinking of going on that.

Still no check for the topsoil. The guy had texted DH over the weekend that it got returned to them due to using our old address, but you'd think they could've put in back in the mail by now. We live in same town, should be here in a day. Glad I don't need the money, but still frustrating.....and then as I'm typing this I get a usps informed delivery email that it is in today's mail. LOL. I had literally  just logged in and it showed "no mail today".

My DD got her home appraisal back and they are able to remove the PMI from her mortgage payment. She's very excited to have an additional $200~ per month.

Not much else going on around here. DH hasn't been doing much at all the past couple of days. Good that he's resting, bad that he gets bored and feels like he's not accomplishing anything. We've been having decent weather, near50 during day. Kinda wet and foggy.

I called my mom's bank and set up an appointment for her to get the docs notarized, with DD taking her over there (it's right near her apartment). I'll be so glad when this is done and I'm not worrying about that part of her life, anymore.

Tuesday, November 12, 2019

Easing into the week

DH got a call from his good friend's wife. The hospital did more tests. There is no tumor and just some "minor" surgery needed to fix him up, so that is a huge relief. His surgery will be today.  He's been friends with this guy since he was 18 years old. DH has actually warned "newer" good friends he makes that it's bad luck to be friends with him........but this buddy is just about his oldest/longest friend, so like DH tells him "you're stuck with me". This buddy is like a big old biker dude, but he literally has the softest heart.

DH got some house/shop maintenance done yesterday. Flushed out the 3 hot water heaters (2 are tankless and one is regular). Saturday, while I was cleaning house he had done a bit of outside window washing, so that helped too. He also put some weed killer down on our gravel driveway.

DD's business trip for this week got cancelled. She was literally getting in her truck to drive to the airport early yesterday morning and got a text from her co-worker that the flight into Denver was cancelled due to a storm, so co-worker (in charge of the group that travels to this place) cancelled the whole trip.  DD is still going to take half a day Friday off and go take care of my mom's DPOA notarization. She will also see her again Thanksgiving weekend, and then we'll both be there again 2 weeks after that. Hopefully, that helps with my mom, a bit, to have these visits more often. I want to start putting some of my MTurks monthly earnings towards saving for flying over there more often to see her. (and start watching for the flight sales and plan around those cheap prices). I eased myself back into the MTurks today and was able to do $12 for the day. This morning I am at $5 already.

With all going on with my mom the past week or so, I forgot to share my new breadbox! DH had woodworker friend make it for me. I think he just pretty much had scrap wood laying around and used that. I love it. Our neighbor loved it, now she wants one, so DH contacted woodworker friend about making one for her.

DD got me started watching a new show on Netflix called Atypical. I'm only on the third episode, but liking it so far.

Our $500 payment for our topsoil we sold should be here any day. The guy texted DH over the weekend wanting our address to mail it to. I guess he had our old PO box # and it got returned to him. We had used him for a small job when we were first clearing our property a few years ago and living in town, so I guess that's how he still had our PO Box#.

That's all I've got for today, so far. 

Monday, November 11, 2019

Weekend wrap up

It was kind of a busy weekend. I spent a good portion of Saturday cleaning house, in preparation for our brunch on Sunday....and because I wasn't home the weekend before, so it really needed cleaning. But vacuuming and mopping on same day with this amount of floor space is a chore.

I decided to have my mom fill up her weekly pill box (for Sunday going forward) on Saturday morning when I called her. (and because I was going to be busy with a brunch Sunday morning). It was a bit later morning and she hadn't taken her Saturday morning pills yet, so she swallowed them down and I did my first attempt to help her get it filled up for the next week. It was a bit of a chore, but we did it. She has 4 prescription medications and 3 vitamin/supplements. I thought she was starting out by doing one med at a time and filling in each day, but then realized she was trying to fill one day in full at a time. So. then I didn't want to confuse her and since I couldn't have eyes on it, I just let her finish, even though it was confusing her. Next time I will say ok, take your Omeprozole bottle and take out 7 pills and fill one in each day. Now, take your...etc.

BUT, she has been sounding so good during our calls. She keeps making jokes about stuff, which as I mentioned on Friday's post, I realized I have not heard her do that in ages. She actually called me yesterday. Our neighbors had just left when she called. Of course I wouldn't expect her to remember I had told her I was having a brunch, but other than that if I hadn't known she has memory problems, in our phone call yesterday I wouldn't have thought she has memory problems.

DD called her later yesterday afternoon to say hi and chat. She said same thing. Grandma didn't hesitate, like she often does to remember words or what she's trying to think of to say (often with names). She rattled off her BF's sons name and that he was there with BF that afternoon and then when they were saying goodbye she said say hello to DD's husband, by name.

I really think taking her meds now daily is helping her. Even with what her BF is going through, she is sounding really upbeat and happy. And supposedly, his kids found someone to hire to come in and help him. Whether that is during daytime (when they come) or during evening/night (when my mom is there) she wasn't quite sure. I'm sure it's to relieve them and not her. She seems very accepting that her BF won't be around much longer. She'll say something like he's a good man and it's sad, but that's what happens at his age. Then she'll say something like she is ready to just start caring for herself and getting in routine and doing activities and getting to know the other ladies better.

I was trying to retype that durable power of Attorney, changing names and got about 2 pages into the 6 and thought there must be a way to scan it and convert from pdf to word document. Sure enough, my work Adobe full version does that! What a time saver LOL!.

Our brunch with neighbors went well. I'm not used to entertaining, but I think I did ok for my first try at it! I made blueberry muffins, scrambled eggs with diced ham and cheese, fruit tray and orange juice and apple juice. I also had a plate of various Pepperidge farm cookies. DH was trying to give the house tour and I forgot he gets to talking and doesn't stop. If I hadn't have kept moving him along it would've taken him 2 hours! (I'm not joking, haha).  My food was ready, LOL. My only goof up was I totally forgot my breakfast sausages I had covered up and staying warm in the pan on the stovetop! oh well.

DH got a text last night from his best buddy who lives in Texas. He's in the hospital and has to have surgery today. DH was able to talk to him on the phone for awhile last night. Hopefully all goes well. I know DH is worried now. All of DH's closest friends have died young, so I know it's on his mind that this might be something more serious, but I guess they won't know more until after surgery.

Well, I REALLY need to get back into doing MTurks this week. I got out of the routine and now it's been hard to get back into it.

Friday, November 8, 2019

TGIF for so many reasons

My mom called SB later yesterday afternoon and told him. She was at BF's apartment when she did this. She then called me right back and apparently her BF got on his phone at same time (as he talks loud and made it hard for her to hear me). I'll bet my life SB got right on the phone to him about it. I then talked to her a couple of hours later (she was still at BF's.....taking care of him, as usual) and it sounds like then SB's wife called and talked to my mom. My mom said she just told her she is my daughter and she is the one who should have the DPOA for me.

I could understand if they had concerns because I was some  kind of flakey, unstable, untrustworthy person. I am none of those things. I have every right, let alone capability, to be the DPOA for my own mother. Not to mention SB is 10 years older than me. If she does live into her 90's (like her mom did) he's going to be almost 80 and dealing with her care/decisions. I don't even know why he would want this responsibility for the next however many years of life she has. Is he the one figuring out how to make sure she's taking her meds every day? is he the one calling her every morning to check on her and make sure she does?

I just feel completely awful that she is having to deal with this right now, when she's got her BF's health/end of life wishes to deal with. I am getting a bit miffed that her BF's kids are not either getting him in home care or getting him to someplace that will give it to him. My mom needs to very much be in her own apartment, her own routine, wake up in her own bed, right now. They were supposed to get that taken care of this week and so far my mom just keeps saying "they are working on it".  At first it was his daughter for part of the day, then his son until 6pm. Then my mom would go and stay with him the rest of the evening and all night. Now the past couple of days son isn't coming, or coming for as long, so my mom's back to all afternoon/evening and all night.

She just shouldn't be doing this! While I know and understand she wants to help, want and actual ability aren't the same thing. I am having no way to assess how she is doing living on her own in this place. She can't sleep in her own apartment/bed. She can't wake up in the morning and take care of herself (ie meds). She wakes up in his apt and has to take care of him until his daughter comes. I think I am going to ask mom for BF's daughter's ph# so I can get an update directly from her what is going on and how long they expect the need for my mom to be his caregiver 14 hours a day. I would think at a minimum it wouldn't be that hard to find someone (or hospice!) to come in and take care of him, while they look for a place to take him.

And thankfully today is my half work day Friday. TGIF!

Thursday, November 7, 2019

Thursday this and that

We went out to dinner the other night, after our new grass was put in. I used my $100 visa gift card I had received, towards it, so it didn't cost anything. I still have $70 left on the card.

My earnings for MTurk work for October: $457!!! Just crazy how much I was able to increase it. Sure, I did have to work for it, but now finding the hits is much easier and was the key to the huge increase in earnings. Sadly, so far this month I have not been able to do much yet. The first 3 days I was at my moms. Monday I was too exhausted (I did do $6) and the rest of the week I have just been too busy with work and too overwhelmed thinking about my mom. But, it's great to know I can make the extra money when I can/want to, with it.

Each morning call I've been asking my mom if she took her meds this morning and she says yes. This morning I decided to have her prove it, LOL. I told her to look at her pill box and lets make sure! (she had already told me she took this morning (thursday) pills. Then she says oh...what day is it today? I said Thursday. Then she wasn't sure if she got off a day or not because Thursday pills were still in there. She thought she had taken this mornings, but I'm going have to assume she did not, so I told her to take them right now. I suggested that maybe my daily morning call is when she should take her meds from now on, then we know for sure she's taken them. My other idea I am looking into is this from Amazon:

It seems to have pretty good reviews and those that say they got it for elderly relative with memory problems, that it really helps. I think I'll order it, try it out here at home and if seems like it might be something that would help her remember to take her meds and know what day it is, I'll bring it with me on my next visit mid December.

She's got this thing in her head that pill bottles need to be kept in the dark and cannot get exposed to light. We explained to her that her bottles of pills are in dark (amber) bottles so they are fine (I said BF has all his pills out on a little cart) and her pillbox is fine, too. Then she brought this up again this morning, so I have a big hunch she put them all back in her cupboard. Out of sight. out of mind.

Is it total coincidence that SB started really getting involved with her life in late July and she has quickly gone down hill since then? First he changed all her logins/passwords, changed how she got into her computer, etc. Then she loaned DS that money, in all the changes she was dealing with she forgot and that caused the credit card fiasco (that I resolved). Then there was the sudden rush for her to move, the 10 day closing making matters even more stressful and confusing for her. Obviously, it's not his fault BF is dying, but still....she has quickly gone from just forgetting words she wants to use and occasionally forgetting about something, to much worse, all since August.

I made my flight and hotel reservations for going back over again next month. The Friday is a work meeting/lunch that I will be attending. Of course my work is paying for me to come over (just as they are now paying for the 4 employees who are on the other side of the state and a 4 1/2-5  hour drive from the office). My boss just told me to put in on her company cc.  I emailed her that I was going to book it and also do my 2 nights hotel at same time, so I can do a bundle deal and that I would reimburse for the hotel part. She said (which of course I knew she would ,LOL) don't worry about it. Booking the flight and hotel together saved a lot. The flight is $416 RT, the hotel would have been a total of $260 (plus taxes). Booking both together it was $475 total, so only $60 extra for 2 nights at the Best Western right near my mom. The company can handle that, LOL.

We have invited our neighbors over for brunch on Sunday. I'm not an entertainer type person so I quickly need to figure out all what to have for the brunch! Eeek! DH wants me to make blueberry muffins. I'll do some scrambled eggs and either bacon or sausages. Have a fruit tray with grapes and melon. Coffee, tea, orange juice and apple juice. What am I missing? Dessert? or maybe just some chocolates and some cookies?

Gut instict

Ya'll are probably sick of hearing about my mom! Sorry. I'm going to go with my gut instinct on this. I think the reason I have kept holding off emailing SB back anything related to any of this is because when it comes right down to it, I know I just need to keep my mouth shut (as Anne said) until we change the POA. When it comes down to it, the fact that SB (and her BF) didn't make sure I knew he was getting the POA speaks volumes, in and of itself. Even if he thought she told me, SB should have made sure I knew. While I think her BF is a very fine man, he has no business deciding who takes care of my mom and the fact that earlier last week BF made SB promise that "the family" would take care of her when he is gone, yet he said nothing to me, over the 3 days I was there, about him wanting to make sure I took care of her, when he is gone, is very telling to me.

I've been calling my mom around 9:30 her time each morning. Seems to be a good time. So far, her BF's daughter shows up to care for him and then mom can go back to her apartment. This time she asked if I would help her figure out refilling her prescriptions, based on a letter from her insurance plan coordinator saying she should try to renew any before the end of the year and the plan changes (not that I can imagine why that should make any difference, it's still same insurance company). I'm guessing it was kind of a generic letter to all the insured, because this year they had the option to choose plans from other insurance companies as well. She stayed on same insurance company.

Now that I (finally) have a master list of her passwords (and made one for her), I see she has 2 that are due for refill before the end of the year. Her Omeprazole (Prilosec) is due to refill in about 2 weeks. Well....I know she has way more than that left in her current prescription bottle! So, obviously she has been missing doses. And I'm sure she's been missing doses of all of them. And most likely why over the past 6 months or so she kept having days off and on where she wasn't feeling so well!

Apparently this mail order pharmacy does not automatically send the next 90 day supply, as my mail order pharmacies I have used does. Maybe they do and I don't need to "request refill" online. I'm kind of tempted to just wait until 11/16 (when the next one is due to refill) and see if it auto refills. She is nowhere near out of her current bottle, so it's not like she needs it right now. Knowing if they auto refill would save me something else to have to do/remember.

I was thinking it's kind of funny/ironic that if I had been the one chosen to help my mom with the sale of her house I would have done it a bit differently! First off, it certainly wasn't an "emergency" that she had to move immediately, so lets plan ahead a bit. I would have had her wait a couple of weeks to list it. Give her a couple of weeks to figure out what she was keeping and taking with her and what needs to go and how/who to get rid of it. Then, once she got an offer there is no way in hell I would have allowed a ridiculous 10 day close! That was just plain dumb. There was no way she was ready to move in 10 days! Even with help. It was so stressful on her. She wasn't able to get rid of everything, so when the movers came they just packed it all up and stuff she really didn't need ended up in her new small apartment. Then BF complained about dealing with that (they did take stuff to Goodwill, I guess). Not to mention, as of Oct. 27 (she moved Sept 29) the buyers of her house hadn't even moved in yet! There was no reason to only let her have 10 days.

She gets stressed or overwhelmed, she gets more forgetful. It's not rocket science!

Wednesday, November 6, 2019

The grass is greener on the other side of the fence ;)

On a happier note, the weather suddenly warmed up Monday and Tuesday. They delivered the grass sod Monday and the crew showed up yesterday and laid it all down. It looks amazing! We are so thrilled. The dogs loved it, LOL. Now it can snow all it wants.

That dirt area at the top of the picture was seeded, so we'll just be letting that grow on it's own and will have to wait until spring to see that lawn.

I am so up in the air as how best to handle this POA deal with my mom/step brother. It's literally making me sick to my stomach.

I have not emailed him back yet. I keep changing my mind what I want to say.

I had a recollection that I'm sure relates back to when this POA got done. I know we were still living in our house in town because I remember sitting in my office when she called, so it probably was back when this POA happened. My mom called and said she was thinking that when the time came eventually to sell her house, she thought she see if SB could help her with it, since he lives fairly close (1 hour from her). She said she thought that would make things easier on me having to try and do it from where I now live. I said that sounded like a good plan, if he wanted to help, but that it would be no problem for me to take care of it, either. That was it.

I had no notion that he was actually given full POA over her life and all her decisions. If I had, I certainly would have had a more thorough discussion with her about it! Whether she, at the time, thought that's all she was doing was giving him permission to help sell  her house, I'll never know now.

Part of me wants to just email him and be totally upfront and honest and say I had no idea he had POA, that if I had known, I certainly would have wanted to be involved in the decision process. Tell him I had talked to my mom about doing a POA this past weekend, not knowing he had it, and she said she wanted me to have it. Then I got his email and went through her files and discovered the POA listing him. Tell him I've talked with my uncle and he thinks it should be me, as well as he also had a long discussion with her about it and she told him she feels it should be me. Say to him, if the situation were reversed and it was his dad/my step dad who was the one still alive and needing a POA, I sure would expect it to be SB or one of his siblings, not me!

I got advice from another close friend. She said just do it and don't give 2 sh#t's about what SB thinks about it. He's not her son.

I've been calling her about 9:30 each morning this week. Seems to be a good time to call her. And she had a question to check into something with her new insurance plan (that starts in Jan) for her prescriptions. It's with the same company she's always been with, just a different "plan" they offer. She got a letter stating her new plan named such and such will be in effect January but they recommend filling any prescriptions before the end of the year. Not really sure why but I can surely check on it. I'm glad she knew/thought to ask me to help, too.

Tuesday, November 5, 2019

The SB

Of course, first thing this morning my boss emailed to ask how the weekend went. I said "EXHAUSTING" and emailed her a bit what is going on. She said she'd call me later. She is such a great person to have in my life. She's always so level headed and it's great to have her for advice and a sounding board. She said she felt the same way when she was telling me about her parents care problems a few years ago.

She thinks that my mom should tell SB what she wants and that she wants to change it to me. That way, nothing looks sneaky to SB. If we just go and do it and then tell him it looks like we are trying to be sneaky. and I agree. I think that was bothering me a bit, even though it sounded like a good idea, to quickly take control back for my mom and just don't tell him until we do it.

She can tell him and if he has an issue and wants to talk to me about it he can, and he can also talk to my uncle, who will tell him the same thing. We have nothing to hide and are not trying to do anything irresponsible with my mom, her money or her health.

I don't really think he has had any bad intentions with her money. I think BF got to meet him a few times (SB would come down and have lunch with my mom like 2-3 times a year) and BF decided he should get him involved with her care/money going forward - either because he felt I shouldn't or felt I couldn't because I live out of state. I'll probably never know the real reason. But, I'm guessing my uncle's hunch is probably right, that they thought we were taking advantage of her.

I decided to answer his email and be somewhat detailed in my reply. I'm thinking the more I come across like I know what I am doing and tell him the things I am doing for her, the better. I'm just kind of trying to sound a bit assertive and like "this is what I think should happen and this is what I did for her" with the issues he brought up.

But, I'm not letting him tell me what I should do. I just always ignore that and don't respond. He doesn't get it both ways. He doesn't get to have complete control of her life and then tell me what I'm supposed to be doing.

More on mom

Thanks to all who have commented and given advice and support. I very much appreciate it. Rather than responding to each comment, I'll try to address what I can in this post.

Part of the problem is me. I am not an assertive person. A more assertive person would just take charge and get it all taken care of immediately (and tell SB off!). I never want to offend anyone. But, on the same token that doesn't mean I can't/won't be able to take care of my mom! 

I just got off the phone with my uncle. He is 100% with me on this. I read him SB's email to me. It's becoming very obvious that her BF was the one instigating all this with SB and pushing her to get him in charge. One of the bullet points in his email (yes, he did numbered points to me) was that 2) he and his wife just assured (this was apparently Monday of last week) the BF that the family (I'm assuming by "the family" he means him and my other step siblings) will take care of my mom after he dies, no matter what.  Apparently BF (and SB) doesn't think myself, my husband, my daughter and my uncle (her brother) will........

and then I'm guessing by his bullet point 6) I know that your mom's unstated biggest wish is to hold the A family together. I'm not sure if that is possible, but I will do everything I can to help make that happen. It is difficult. That me, my kids and my uncle are considered the A family.

I am home. I know this needs to get taken care of asap. I also know there is a possibility this could get a bit tricky if SB decides to fight it. Right now I think BF is his backup. Not meaning to sound rude or ungrateful to either of them, but I'm honestly kind of thinking, if BF follows through on his assisted suicide in the next couple of weeks, he won't be in the picture to provide anymore involvement with this situation, so that may be in my favor. I did check and in this state a DPOA doesn't need to be done through a lawyer, just notarized.

This morning Uncle and I again talked about estimating how long her money will last (he's basically an accountant too, well, he was a college accounting teacher) and he thought same as me 15-20 years. And he said same thing I said, if she outlives her savings then Medicaid will have to take over paying for her nursing care. It's not like she's going to suddenly have no care, for goodness sake. I'm guessing a good majority of the average people in this country do not have enough savings to last to the end of their lives, especially if they need full time nursing home care, they end up eligible for Medicaid at some point. That's what happened with my Grandma. She had enough savings for 2 years in a nursing home. She lived in a private home facility and had her own room. I think it was $4000-$4500/mo (it's been a few years now, I can't remember the exact amount). After 2 years her savings ran out, she became eligible for Medicaid, which along with her social security, paid for the continued care. She didn't lose any service or have to move.

I was leaning toward having my mom get a hold of SB and tell him her plans, but DD literally just texted me and thinks he should be told nothing, until it's a done/signed deal and then she can tell him she's sending him a letter letting him know it's been changed. Then my uncle just now called and said he just had a good long conversation with my mom telling her he felt it should be me and she said she is very very happy I want to be the one taking care of this. He also agreed we should just not tell him anything. And not to be crude (or sound ungrateful to BF) but the less he knows what is going on with this, the better, too. I'm thinking of asking my mom for BF's daughter's phone number, so that I can get a better update on what is going on with BF and his end of life situation. 

My plan right now is to get the new durable POA and revocation letter done up ASAP. DD will take them down to her and take her to her bank to have signed and notarized. Then mom can call SB and tell him and mail him his copy, as is required to notify him.

Now next question, do I email SB back? answer his bullet points? DD suggested I just send a short email that says I had a good visit with my mom and we worked on some small tasks to make her living a bit easier and to make sure she is taking her meds. and leave it at that.

Monday, November 4, 2019

Mom visit day 3 and extra

While my mom and I were having dinner on Saturday night I brought up doing a durable Power of Attorney for her medical decisions. She thought that was a very good idea. Then just to make sure, I said "unless you would want someone like stepbrother to make those decisions". She said "oh, I don't think I'd want him making my medical decisions. I said ok, I will get to work on that.

That evening, before bed (she was at BF apt.) I went through her papers some more. Wanted to find her will, because I think it got updated from the copy she gave me several years ago. Found a folder in her file cabinet that had 2 copies in it, one with my name on it and one with my uncles. She never/forgot to give to us. Then I found her original will copy in her little safe box. She updated it Feb 2018, so almost 2 years ago. She changed the executor to step bro. Then if he couldn't/wouldn't it was my uncle, then if he couldn't/wouldn't it was my other step bro. Along with the will was her health care directive and a Durable POA-------naming my step brother! He has full control over her medical and money. Oh good grief. So, now what do I do? She just told me she wouldn't want him making those decisions (we had just discussed medical). Obviously she has forgotten. I think her BF was behind all this. He obviously thinks I'm incompetent and gave SB this impression, too, I'm sure. (evidence from SB knew nothing of all I had done previously in getting my mom's info, getting on her bank accounts so I could handle things if she couldn't, managing her online logins and passwords, etc)

I called my uncle. I wanted his opinion because I know he'll be totally honest with me. He said he thought she had changed it awhile back, but didn't think he got a copy of that one and he didn't realize SB had that. I told him what she said about wanting me to have POA and that I just discovered SB has it . He said he definitely thought it should be me. I'm her only daughter/child. I should be making those decisions for her. He said he feels step bro is inserting himself into her affairs way too much. He felt it's one thing for financial advice or general advice, but not to be in charge of it. He brought up that when my son asked to borrow $1500 from her (in August) SB was telling her not to. She called my uncle, and he felt she should be able to loan/give him that money if she wanted. He also said, being honest with me, that he thinks step bro thinks I am taking advantage of my mom and her money, because I borrowed a large sum during our construction process. I said it wasn't a gift, it was a loan and I pay her back monthly and then she is getting a big lump sum payment next spring. He said well, it's none of SB's business what she and I agree to and that he thinks it's BS that SB would think I'd take advantage of her money.

I then told him what the new will had. 60% to me, 30% to him (that's new) and 2.5% to each of the 4 step children. He asked if I was ok with that. I said I have no issue with how she wants to do her will/money that would be left over. That I assumed really she will have to use it all/most just for her care. I'm not expecting a big inheritance. He said well, if you wanted we can have her change his down. I said no, I'm not concerned with that aspect of it at all. He then said, well, when he dies his will is left to my mom or myself if she isn't living, so I just get it back, LOL. (he is 3 yrs younger). He thinks she put in the 30% to him because she and him had discussed that when he ends up needing care his VA won't cover enough or something.

He then said he didn't know her exact retirement savings but he thinks it should be enough for her care through the rest of her life. I told him how much she had and he was like well that should get her through 15-20 years, I would think. I said that's what I thought, but I'd do some calculations. I calculated as if tomorrow she suddenly had $7000 a month going out for a nursing home type care, how long would her money last. (she right now has just under 1 million dollars). It's showing 16 years, so to about 94. At least to 90. I then mentioned to uncle that once savings runs out then Medicaid would start. That's how it worked for his mom/my grandma. She had enough savings for 2 years of full nursing home care (she was in a private home, with her own room, and if I recall her monthly cost was like $4500). Her savings ran out after 2 years and Medicaid then starting paying for it, along with her social security. (then she passed a couple months later) So, if mom my lives past early/mid 90's then I guess Medicaid will cover it. It's not like she'd be left with no care.

DD was also very upset to find out SB had the POA for everything. She was pissed to put it mildly. She's like SB's not the one who is working to make sure she's taking her meds when she's supposed to. She said I'm her daughter/blood relative. I should be the one making those decisions about her care, etc.

So, yesterday morning I sat with my mom and had a long talk about the POA and told her SB has it and showed her the copy. She gave it to him almost 2 years ago. She said she thinks what she was thinking when she did it was that since I don't live close by it would me easier on me if she just had him do it (he lives about an hour from her, I live about 7 hours). I'm guessing BF was the one instigating this. But she kept saying, I want you do do it. I kept saying I'm ok with whatever she wishes, but I got concerned about it since the night before she had told me "I don't think I'd want him making my medical decisions". She said she should have told me that she did that, but she must have forgot and thought she told me. She said she realizes now I can take care of most things for her from phone or computer. And I said and if you were in the hospital, of course I'd be here with you. She says "well I'm just going to change it. He will understand. He'll probably be relieved to not have to do it". I told her I'd figure out how to do the new POA and we can take care of it when I'm back to visit her next month.

THEN, I hadn't checked my emails these past 4 days (most all my personal emails are just bills and online orders, etc). There is an email SB sent on Friday. He said he knew I was visiting her and that I should extend my visit a few more days because of mom's BF. He said he has POA and has "envoked it". He's run numbers and thinks her money will only last 10-12 years. He wants to make sure her money is protected. Her "unstated" wish is to "hold the A (her maiden name/my uncles last name) family together and I'm doing my best to do that". I have ZERO idea what that means, neither does my DD. I haven't asked my uncle yet if he understand what in the heck me means by that.

So, according to him I'm supposed to be there with her and take care of her, but then I don't get to make any of the decisions how how to do it? No, not happening. What exactly was I supposed to do there for 3 more days? I can't stay 2-3 weeks, until BF ends his life. Then I'll be there again with her for 3 days in about 5 1/2 weeks. I will also be calling her every day, too. Not to mention, I'm sure she was probably ready for "company" to be gone for awhile! I know I can only handle it for so long, even if it is family. I know she wants to be spending as much time with BF as possible, not trying to spend 14 hours a day visiting with  me, you know what I mean?

I felt alot better after talking with uncle  (I actually talked to him twice). He is also the one I would definitely consult with for any major decisions regarding my mom. He and I are the two people that know her best.

Saturday, November 2, 2019

Mom visit day 2

Last night, when I came back to my mom's apartment to stay, I started "snooping" through her papers. I found a recent letter from her health insurance, about the new plan she got signed up for (with BF's help) for 2020. There is a section in the letter that explains how and when she can change plans, outside of the enrollment period. Moving out of the coverage area, anytime during the year, qualifies as that. Thank goodness! I was so relieved to read that. I snapped a pic of the letter with my phone, haha! At least we now know that could be an option to have her move to my area. I even showed her the online pictures of the place near my area. She thought it looked really nice and asked what it cost. I said I read it somewhere and it was about what she is paying now.

I got out of the shower this morning to put on my makeup and see my left eye is all red and bloodshot. I have no idea why. Maybe I accidentally scratched it. I found some eyedrops in my mom's bathroom. Needless to say I left off mascara for the day. It did mostly clear up, thank goodness. And did I mention it was the shower from hell? LOL. It's just a hand held type shower nozzle. Nice walk in, but I hate those hand held kind. And I was trying to adjust it so I could raise it up a bit and leave it in the holder and I accidentally unscrewed it. Plus the shower head was coming out so hard in a small narrow type spray that it actually hurt! Finally I got the head setting changed so it was nice and easy.

We went down and had breakfast around 9am, after BF's dd got there. My DD showed up at 9:30 while we were in the dining area...guess who walked in with her? My son, I have not seen in like 4 years! That was a bit strange. He didn't know we were here and he hadn't called my mom to let him know he was coming to visit her. He only stayed about 15-20 minutes. I hugged him and told him it was good to see him. He does at least sound like he is working hard. Got a new/better FT job a month ago and is also doing a part time job at a retail store, so just working a whole bunch. DD said they pulled into parking spots next to each other at the exact same time and she didn't realize it was him until he saw her get out of her truck.

DD and I got her pills organized. One of her pills got changed to half a pill and some were cut but DD cut them all up, so that is done. We got her first week all in the boxes and set all her medications out next to it. I wrote out on a piece of paper what she needs to fill in her box "every Sunday morning" and taped it to her countertop, next to all the pills. She had kept them in a kitchen cupboard, but dd and I are thinking "out of sight, out of mind" which might be part of reason she keeps forgetting to take them. I'm also going to start calling her every Sunday morning to make sure she's filled it up for the week.

DD left (it's her MIL's birthday) so mom and I went to do a little shopping. I drove, but I let her tell me how to get to the 2 places and she knew where to go. We went to Walgreens, got some birthday cards for DD (coming up, 24 years old) and I got her a gift card. Mom decided to just put a check in it. Then we went to her bank and deposited an insurance refund check she had just received in the mail this morning. She got us back to her place, fine, so that was good.

We've been eating all our meals either in the dining area or the little "pub" dining area. I'm already tired of eating out! Just too much food, LOL. I didn't really even want lunch, as we had a big breakfast and didn't eat until after 9am.

I helped her a bunch go through misc papers on her desk, what could be tossed and filed some. I was really concerned I could not figure out her rent/lease arrangement here. I couldn't find any paperwork last night. I was going to go talk to the office staff. Then BF's dd told me it's month to month. Then while going through papers with mom I found a rent statement. I now understand how it all works and what she meant when she thought she was getting free rent for a year. Her BF had said, no it's one month free. They were both partially right. It was 2 free months (Oct and Nov) and then Dec is half rent (because he referred her) and then Jan she starts her normal rent payment. So she was probably thinking she had free rent the rest of this year.

At least it was much easier on her today and she didn't get all exhausted and BF's dd is coming again tomorrow morning for the day. I had a chance to chat a bit with his DD, so I mentioned that my mom really doesn't have the energy to be his care giver all day. She totally agreed, not to mention with my mom's memory issues, she's worried her dad might end up with wrong medication, if he's not feeling well and not paying close attention. I said I totally agree. She said they are planning to have it figured out by Monday what they are doing for him. Either moving him to nursing home/assisted care facility, hiring care to come in to his place, or maybe even bringing him to their house and having hospice.

I've called my uncle and kept him updated what is going on.

I really think my mom is doing ok with this with her BF. She seems to have accepted it and understands that's what he wants. She's even mentioned to dd and I several times she's actually looking forward to getting started with the activities this place offers and doing more socializing, which is really what I think she needs. She has done none of that the month she has been here. She just needs to worry and focus on herself and get in her own little routine here.

I'll be here until about 3:45 tomorrow afternoon, then DD is taking me to the airport. I don't arrive at my home airport until 8:50 (I lose an hour going back). DD is coming back down to see her Thanksgiving weekend and I will be back here mid December for another weekend.