This week seems to be plugging along. My mom called later in the afternoon yesterday to tell me she had just gotten back (BF's daughter had driven) from being at BF's new place and getting him settled in. She said he's in an adult care home type setting (like my grandma was in) and has his own bedroom. She also said it's not too far from her place. So, (eek) it sounds like she plans to go visit him occasionally....but she did mention as it's getting winter now (even though they only get rain, LOL) she won't go over there very often.
She said it was hard seeing him have to stay there, so I'm sure she'll be a bit down/sad for a bit. I told her he'll get much better/needed care there. Then she made a comment about she knew BF's DD wouldn't go for it, and she only has a twin bed in her apartment, so she couldn't anyway, but maybe she could've just had him come stay at her apartment instead of going to this nursing home. I said NO! (gently, LOL). That would be just way too much for her to have to do. She can't do it and needs to take care of herself. She said oh, I know you are right.
My uncle called yesterday afternoon. He said he just had a phone conversation with SB (I'm assuming SB called him. He said it was a "friendly" call but I guess SB was just surprised about this whole DPOA change (he's known about it for over a week now). Uncle said he told him it doesn't have anything to do with trust issue, but it's a FAMILY issue. That I am her daughter and she is my mom, and I should be the one taking care of it for her. Apparently SB had him on speaker phone because then (I'm assuming it was her) his wife in the background said "so, you realize she now has full control over her money?". Uncle said his reply to that was "and that's how it should be". Good for him. I'm glad they got to hear another family member's opinion. And quite honestly, I don't really even think of any of them as true family. They are not my mom's family. Not in the sense that we have that bond with each other (me, mom, uncle, dd) - shared family memories, etc. As I mentioned SB was 21 and away at college/on his own when my mom and his dad got married. I'll bet over the last 40 years, she saw him a half dozen times a year and since my dad died 10 years ago, she probably sees him (for like lunch or a quick visit for couple hours) 2-3 times a year, at most. SB and his wife never had kids, so there were no grandkids for my mom and stepdad to visit/see them more often, etc. And I'm sure the only reason SB saw my mom a few times a year, since my dad died, was because, until he retired, he was working for a company near where she lived, and he commuted a long distance from where he lived. If he had't been working nearby her, I doubt she would have seen him even that often. As my uncle said, he himself doesn't even know SB! He's probably only met him a few times over all these years....(said he wouldn't know him if he knocked on his door.) as usually my mom's side of the family (my uncle and grandparents) weren't at family gatherings with my step siblings.
I worked up a spreadsheet yesterday trying to get a better feel for how long my mom's current money should last. Of course, I had to estimate unknowns, but I was conservative and used historical averages for inflation and social security yearly increases. I put her earnings on her investment IRA at 4%/yr. I estimated her income tax on her IRA draws, based on what she has been paying (I do her tax returns). I then used worse case scenario, that she would, starting now, need full time nursing care. Her money should last 19 years. I then plugged in a little bit (hopefully) more realistic numbers. Like she gets to spend this next year in her current living situation. Then 2 years of assisted living, then full time nursing care after that. Well, obviously that extends her money even several more years.
And let's be realistic, if she is not well enough that she needs full time nursing care starting now, it's highly unlikely she's even going to live 19-20 years more. (that would put her at 97).
I don't know how SB (per his email to me a couple weeks ago) thinks she only has enough to live comfortably for another 10-12 years. To run out of money in that amount of time, she would have to start spending $110,000 (plus inflation) a year. Granted, I know there are obviously high priced places elderly (who can afford it) can live that probably cost that much. But, there are also perfectly fine care places that cost $2,000-$3000 a month less than those highest cost places. My grandma was in a private pay adult care home, with full nursing care for her, and it was about $4500/mo. My initial estimate of starting with that right now, I used $7000/mo cost.
Bottom line, someone almost 79 years old, and with nearly 1 million dollars, should certainly be able to live comfortably the rest of her life!.......as long her her apparently unworthy daughter doesn't swindle it all from her!