My mom called SB later yesterday afternoon and told him. She was at BF's apartment when she did this. She then called me right back and apparently her BF got on his phone at same time (as he talks loud and made it hard for her to hear me). I'll bet my life SB got right on the phone to him about it. I then talked to her a couple of hours later (she was still at BF's.....taking care of him, as usual) and it sounds like then SB's wife called and talked to my mom. My mom said she just told her she is my daughter and she is the one who should have the DPOA for me.
I could understand if they had concerns because I was some kind of flakey, unstable, untrustworthy person. I am none of those things. I have every right, let alone capability, to be the DPOA for my own mother. Not to mention SB is 10 years older than me. If she does live into her 90's (like her mom did) he's going to be almost 80 and dealing with her care/decisions. I don't even know why he would want this responsibility for the next however many years of life she has. Is he the one figuring out how to make sure she's taking her meds every day? is he the one calling her every morning to check on her and make sure she does?
I just feel completely awful that she is having to deal with this right now, when she's got her BF's health/end of life wishes to deal with. I am getting a bit miffed that her BF's kids are not either getting him in home care or getting him to someplace that will give it to him. My mom needs to very much be in her own apartment, her own routine, wake up in her own bed, right now. They were supposed to get that taken care of this week and so far my mom just keeps saying "they are working on it". At first it was his daughter for part of the day, then his son until 6pm. Then my mom would go and stay with him the rest of the evening and all night. Now the past couple of days son isn't coming, or coming for as long, so my mom's back to all afternoon/evening and all night.
She just shouldn't be doing this! While I know and understand she wants to help, want and actual ability aren't the same thing. I am having no way to assess how she is doing living on her own in this place. She can't sleep in her own apartment/bed. She can't wake up in the morning and take care of herself (ie meds). She wakes up in his apt and has to take care of him until his daughter comes. I think I am going to ask mom for BF's daughter's ph# so I can get an update directly from her what is going on and how long they expect the need for my mom to be his caregiver 14 hours a day. I would think at a minimum it wouldn't be that hard to find someone (or hospice!) to come in and take care of him, while they look for a place to take him.
And thankfully today is my half work day Friday. TGIF!