Thursday, March 16, 2023

Grumpy day

I apparently woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. I'm feeling extremely grumpy and just not feeling in the mood for anything today. I do have to leave in about an hour to go to my doctor's appointment for my annual check up. But, I don't think that's why I'm feeling grumpy. No idea why though. I don't usually feel like this.

I see mom's m/c charge finally went through her checking. I know there can/will be extra charges above the monthly rent/care level charge. Like I signed her up for them to supply the depends. If she has her hair cut, or they take them to the new coffee bar in the other part of the building, it goes on their monthly billing. But, you'd think they would either mail or email a detail of the billing? So, now I've emailed the business manager to ask that, as mom's charge was $35 more and I'd just at least like to know what it was for. 

I watched the new show "Shrinking" on Apple+tv. It's a good one. With Jason Segal and Harrison Ford. Other than I guess I'm old fashioned and don't feel the F word is necessary in every scene, it's a good show. One line I could relate to, for sure, haha. The woman (empty nester) next door's husband is due to retire soon and she's worried about him always being home. She said something to the effect "I love you to pieces, but I can only love you an hour and a half a day, so you'll need to find stuff do do out of the house". LOL. 

When I get done with my dr appointment it is most likely going to be right in the middle of mom's lunch time, so that's not super convenient for a visit time. I'll probably go run an errand at a store for a half hour and then try to get to m/c around 12:45. She should be finishing up by then. I don't plan to stay too long. I'm not taking the whole day off work. Sometimes, when reading the dementia caregivers page I follow, people will comment they visit every day, or stop by every evening for a couple hours, or they comment when they visit they stay several hours. Then I feel like a terrible daughter and think to myself how do they do it every single day? or even for several hours at a time? I can't imagine being there for 2-3 hours every visit. After 15 minutes I have already answered the same question half a dozen times. Typically I'm there about 30-40 minutes. I haven't gotten a call yet from the person mom's old caregiver wanted to visit with me about the m/c place. It's a hard decision, I'm sure they are going through a lot of stress and emotions.

Well, time to leave for my dr appt. Back home in a few hours, I guess.


  1. I think I would want an itemization of her charges, too. I wonder if no one else asks for this.
    There are people who do visit every day and they must just sit. Maybe you can ask what people do for long hours at a time. Maybe they bring pictures or talk about the past, reminiscing about their own childhoods with the parent. Maybe they read to the person or just sit quietly while they sleep, maybe relishing time with the person no matter what. The time spent may be more quantity than quality. Maybe any time spent is quality. There might be strategies.

  2. Anne Brew
    I agree with PP - I would definitely want an itemised statement - a bit like a bank statement - just to acquaint myself with how much a haircut or a coffee costs. It’s not that you begrudge the spending but it’s basic information.
    40 minutes was more than we managed with my mil even though we’d travelled for 2 hours to see her. I’ve no doubt that the people who come each day and stay for hours are doing it for themselves - which is ok too.

  3. My dad is in assisted living and I visit every Sunday. We live very close and I could visit every day but I have enough trouble finding something to talk about for an hour on the weekend. I've heard the same stories so many times but every now and then a new/different one will pop up. He likes to watch baseball and that can be a relief because he will explain different things to me regarding a play or a player. He played when he was younger so it holds his attention much better that football, although he does watch it also. Sometimes I think he's glad when it's time for me to go because we struggle to find something to chat about. I'm not that special or busy of a person - no parties, or celebrations to share or get togethers - it just is what it is. My mom used to visit her mom in the nursing home every day after work and grandma used to tell my moms brothers and sister she never visited, so it doesn't matter sometimes whether you do or not. Ranee

  4. My sister in laws used to visit my mil every day, but she doesn’t really know anyone now, so one family member tries to go every day or so now. That way no one is going daily. Even though she doesn’t know people, in the moment she enjoys visitors. They still bring her to family gatherings and sometimes take her for lunch, even though she rarely knows what’s going on, it makes her happy I guess.