It was great having yesterday off. I didn't do a whole lot but kept busy. I had zero emails from the side job so that was also a relief. I called mom a little after lunch - she thought she was staying somewhere where she golfs but wasn't sure where....maybe Oregon? I said well, I don't think you're going to get to golf much with all the snow on the ground! LOL. I told her she was born and raise in Oregon. In the evening uncle calls me that he called her and she sounded fine tonight (she wasn't). He appreciated me looking up the flight info and he thinks he'll try to wait until spring/summer and have a friend drive with him out here. I said that sounds like a good plan.
Just before midnight my phone starts buzzing and it's my mom. "Hi, I probably caught you eating dinner". No mom....it's almost midnight. You should be in bed. "oh, I'm so sorry, this clock is weird, it says 11:52". Yes, it's almost midnight now, you should go to bed. She said she would. An hour later I check my phone app and she's still up. I call her and tell her it's 1am mom, you need to go put your nightgown on and go to bed. She said ok, she would. She walked into her bedroom, turned the light off (left living room lights on) and went to bed, in her clothes. Got up around 6:40, turned the living room light out and went back to bed in her clothes. I texted K just before I know she usually gets there to let her know what went on. She said one of the other residents had just told her mom knocked on her door at 11:30 last night, so she walked her back to her apartment. Ugh. I did get a call into a larger assisted living place that has a separate memory care section and they have a 3-4 month average wait list, so I'm getting her on that and will go tour it after the holidays. That other place has a 20 person wait list (small home with like only 9 rooms) so probably why the lady hasn't returned my call. (K told me she just found out this 20 person wait list at an elder care meeting she went to last night). K said she used to work at this assisted living/memory care facility and it's pretty good - just super expensive, but unfortunately there aren't a lot of options for memory care in this area. K wants to open her own care home, but said she is a couple years out doing that.
Then I got a call this morning from the director where mom lives, she knew I was aware, but also wanted to chat with me about it. If she starts wandering at night, she won't be able to stay there, of course. If she does this again, she will obviously have to be moving as they can't deal with that where she lives. In the waiting time until I can find someplace available maybe I can find someone to hire to come in and stay with her in the evenings or the director suggested maybe start giving her a sleep aid in the evenings. A sleep aid would probably help, I'll bet. K is going to give me a call after she's done with her morning rounds, she said she has some ideas until we can get her moved. I'm hoping this one more of a "one off" deal with mom, as she's never done this before, but I'm sure it's just a sign of more of what is to come.
I'm sorry. It is hell. Do they really recommend sleep aid? Would that make it worse during the day for your mom?
ReplyDeleteFrom the dementia page I follow on Facebook a sleep aid sounds very common to help with them not sleeping, wandering, etc. during the night.
DeleteOh my. I’m sorry. You’ve done a good job keeping her in her own apartment up til now, but I think it’s probably time. She’s worse now memory-wise than my mil was when the family moved her to memory care in a lot respects. They had to move my mil because she kept falling and breaking bones. The last straw was when she had 2 broken arms, a broken shoulder, and a broken nose all at once, after back to back falls. She couldn’t remember not to go downstairs, or down her deck steps. I hope you can find a suitable place in a timely manner.
ReplyDeleteDiane
omg, all those broken bones at the same time sounds just awful and painful.
DeleteMom went through the same stages. We were fortunate enough to keep her home, but we literally had a one day window to find someone to be there overnight. It seems like one day she slept through the night and the next day a switch flipped and she became a nighttime wanderer.
ReplyDeleteMy suggestion would be to find an overnight sitter immediately while you are waitlisted for a memory care unit, even if you decide to use a sleep aid. You don't want your mom getting dismissed from her current living situation until you have something else in place
That's what I'm thinking, find someone to come at night asap. I'm hoping K can assist to recommend someone or someplace that hires out caregivers. It is like a switch flips. Just yesterday I was talking to that guy at the m/c place and he asked if she wanders and I said no, nothing so far and then bam! She wanders last night.
DeleteSo sorry that, this is happening so fast. I hope, you can get her in the new place a.s.a.p. for her safety and your peace of mind. How far is the new place from your home?
ReplyDeletethe new place is just a block or so from where she is now - so about 40 -45 min from where I live, still.
DeleteAnother thought might be to have her checked for a UTI. When my dad has a sharp/quick decline in his mental status it has always turned out to be linked to a UTI or other infection.
ReplyDeleteJre yes that does often happen, especially because they don’t remember to drink well and usually with behavioral changes a UA should be done. Sadly so many night meds don’t do well with the elderly, if there’s enough to encourage sleep then you have more confusion or increased falls risk, (sedation/unsteadiness). It’s a catch 22. Yes get her on a list immediately. If she can’t stay at her present place soon what would be the alternative till a place opens, probably only home with you. I’m sure you would do the best you could but it would not be ideal. Around our area they can’t get enough workers for either home care or nursing home/care facilities to the point several units have had to shut down. Pray to get into the other place. Again I’m a home-care RN. I think you have very limited time at her current place with the type and levity of her recent changes. If then her current place can’t meet her needs they would tell you she’d have to leave (and if you couldn’t find in care help). All is sad.
DeleteSleep aids can worsen dementia. I would have her checked for a uti, like anon said. With wandering comes wandering off the premises if she can.
ReplyDeleteSome can, but so many of the later stage dementia patients need some kind of sleep aid, at that point, and there are some that are used for them
DeleteI'm sorry. That sounds so challenging. As others said, both making sure she doesn't have an infection plus getting overnight care is probably your best next step.
ReplyDeleteit's always something as soon as I get one new thing figured out :(
Deletemy mom takes lorazepam at night to calm her and it helps her sleep. Check with her doctor as the people giving advice here are not familiar with how to handle it. You do what you have to with medical advice whether your commenters agree or not.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree - at this stage (and later) with dementia something to calm them and help sleep is what is most important - the dementia damage is already done. It will just be a matter of finding what works best for her.
DeleteOh my, that's the next level worry isn't it! My dad started going to bed around 6 pm and then would get up around 4 a.m.and wander off down the road. It sounds like your mom needs more "security" now doesn't it. Good luck with finding something for her. What a worry!
ReplyDeleteHopefully an opening will come up sooner rather than later!
Delete