DH got the trim installed on the bookcase door and also installed the locking mechanism. That part was probably the hardest and took him quite awhile to figure out, even with the instructions. It all looks great and so much better than an open closet with a gun safe and big black and yellow lidded bins! (I am so sick of looking at bins in that and our bedroom closets, LOL)
That old tv stand/cabinet we are going to get rid of and replace with a smaller glass door cabinet that is part of the collection with his desk (Pottery Barn). The cat loves sleeping in the blue chair, so he's been putting a blanket over the chair and at least when he took this picture he thought to take off the blanket, LOL.
As of last evening my mom's phone still isn't working (again). I'm actually hoping it's still not working when I get there today to visit her. Then I can see what the problem is. Whether it's the handset off the base or she's unplugging the phone cord. I'm kind of hoping it's the unplugging - I'm going to take some electrical tape with me and try my trick of taping it, if that is the case.
Her birthday is coming up early next month. It's on a weekday. I'm trying to figure out what to do. Take some time off and go see her that day? Or make time the weekend before. What to get her? What do you get someone in memory care? I don't know what/if the m/c place does for birthdays. I know they list them on the top of the monthly activity calendar. I will probably just make some cupcakes to take to her and a card.
It's interesting to read different peoples experiences and opinions on having a parent with dementia on this Facebook group I follow. A lot of people have the parent living with them and are caregiving them full time (and self admittedly are going through hell). A lot due to not being able to afford outside care and a lot just because they say there is no way they'd put their parent in a care home/facility. But the interesting part is then these same people will make another post saying if they themselves get this disease they have told their child(ren) not to ruin their lives trying to take care of them, put them in a care facility. So, why are they so adamant against putting their parent in one? The past 3 years of my mom living in her previous place and now this place is so much better for her than me trying to care for her. It's also better for me, too. For her, she gets the socialization and activities that are so important for elderly, whether with dementia or not. Even her original doctor she had for many years told her this. It's especially helpful for those with dementia. If she lived at my house she would only get company from me and dh and then of course it wouldn't be all the time. She would have gone stir crazy moving in with me. She mentioned it a few times....I just kind of brushed her off, LOL. I'd say oh, you'd be so bored here or I'm working all day, you'd basically be by yourself all day. The funny part is she never moved her mom in with her....and her mom didn't have much money for care like she does. I never asked if grandma wanted to live with her, but just assumed mom didn't want her to because my mom was so busy with her social life.(but grandma didn't have dementia, just old age)
Now, I cannot wait to see the books. Has Amos been concerned with all this activity near his chair?
ReplyDeleteI suppose your daughter is learning what to do for you if you ever have dementia or just old age afflictions. My grandmother did not fare well in our home with five children. Plus, Daddy hated my mother's mother and was mean to her. She was beyond care in any place except an institution. It was sad.
Amos is curious but doesn't seem overly concerned. That does sound sad about your grandmother.
DeleteWow! That looks perfect, like it's part of the wall. Very nice.
ReplyDeleteDon't let anyone make you 2nd guess your mom being where she is. She's being taken care of 24/7.
thanks, I'm loving the bookcase door. I probably shouldn't read that dementia caregivers page so much, but I have learned quite a bit about what to expect as it progresses, so that part has been good.
DeleteI think that some of the people who sound very sanctimonious and say they would never place a parent or spouse really don’t have the financial ability to do it or they want to save the money for themselves. My husband is surrounded by cheerful caregivers instead of an exhausted, grumpy wife.Your mom sounds very contented.
ReplyDeleteI think so, too. Or people will say if we put my parent in assisted living or a nursing home, they'll have to sell their house! Omg! I so badly want to say, well that's their money and if they can't live in their house anymore, then the money from the house should be used for their ongoing care. But, people just want the inheritance, I think. There was a resident today who was being unhappy and a handful, it appeared and the staff caregiver was cheerful and patient, rather than like you said, an exhausted wore out spouse or child trying to care for her.
DeleteThere is a YouTube channel that you may like. The channel name is dsalnorcal A man is part-time caretaker of his 91 year old father who has dementia. The father stays part time with him and his family and the other time with his other son. They are short videos (about 1-3 minutes).
ReplyDeleteThank you, I will check it out!
DeleteI think it's a generational thing. For older generations, it was all about taking care of family at home - but now, we wouldn't dare burden our kids with the same things. My great aunt should've been in care but she stayed in her home while my dad struggled to care for her (but he lived with her and has no other place to live - another story!) But if you can afford it, a good care home is the best option.
ReplyDeleteYou are probably right. I can certainly understand the people who it is their spouse with the dementia and they want to try to take care of them themselves. But there are people who are a young grandchild, often with young children at home, trying to do this and it just sounds awful for them. So sad. I'm grateful my mom has the money to afford this good care. Honestly, there is no money/inheritance that would make me want to save her money for my inheritance to deal with 24/7/365 of an Alzheimer's person.
DeleteYellow Shoes
ReplyDeleteAnyone suggesting that a relative with dementia is better off being cared for by a son or daughter in their own home is sadly misguided in my opinion.
We’re not talking about a frail parent with their full faculties. A fully cognisant parent, living with their grown up child, will understand completely that there will be hours in the day when they will be alone and that they will have to rely on TV or a good book or entertaining a friend over a coffee for company.
Dementia is different - it’s a complex condition that causes the person to deteriorate steadily. If at all possible that person should be cared for 24/7 by health care professionals.
I so agree. If my mom was just elderly and a bit frail I would have actually enjoyed having her live here. Like you said, she could and would have kept herself busy while I'm working, etc. My biggest thing is I do not do well without good sleep. I go downhill super fast and having her live here under her dementia condition would not have worked at all for me. It was even hard trying to convince dh of that, but there was no way I was going to let him talk me into that!
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