Nothing much went on yesterday. Snow and very cold. It's like -25 this morning, but supposed to start getting back into the positive numbers after tomorrow. Even Amos somehow knows it's too darn cold to go outside. He always wants out first thing in the morning and hasn't even asked the past 2 days.
I went through the big bin of mom's things we brought home. About half of it was some garbage stuff - we had just taken it, knowing it was going to go into the trash, so that the mover doesn't have to deal with it. DD is going to take a couple of her knickknacks - a couple of cute frogs. I set out a couple items and the rest I just put in a dresser drawer, in a guest bedroom, for now.
I called my uncle and let him know what the doctor said that mom likely suffered a stroke. I called my mortgage company to let them know I paid the escrow shortage in full and to adjust my payment amount to reflect that and that is being done.
Just to make sure, I got out the paperwork from when we opened mom's checking account. We set it up the same as she had her Bank of America checking, with me on the account. There is no Bank of America banks here, so that is why we had to get a different account, when I moved her. Anyway, I wanted to make sure the account is set up the way I thought it was and it is. It's co-owned, with rights of survivorship and the paperwork says "upon death of a party, ownership passes to the surviving party rather than passing as part of the decedent party's estate." So, the money in that account belongs to me, which is nice. Though, of course, I am using some of it to pay for her cremation and moving out expenses. I will also try to do up an estimate on her tax return for 2024 and if it looks like she may owe, I'll hold out some for that, as well, since I won't be able to file her 2024 tax return until next year. I guess very timely that I had just done a disbursement from her retirement account the week before. That withdrawal also met her RMD for this year, so it's good that was already done prior to her passing. Makes things a little easier, according to the office mgr at her investment place. So, her will/estate really consists of nothing at the time of her death. She didn't own a house or car anymore. Just her few belongings in the m/c room (which I am having donated).
I know so many who's had a parent pass away and then have a whole house to deal with - all the lifetime of possessions. While I certainly wouldn't have wanted her to have to sell her house/move out and end up in m/c, the winding down process of getting rid of her things was able to be done the past 5 years. First when she sold her home and moved into the independent apartment. She was able to downsize herself to that. Then when I moved her over here to a different independent apartment, we downsized a bit more. Then when I moved her into m/c, I had to downsize her belongings even more.
None of my other step siblings (I have 3 step brothers and 1 step sister) have bothered to contact me or reply to the email my one step brother's wife sent and included them all in the email. Nor did my step sister reply to the Facebook message I sent her from my mom's Facebook account.
DH and I have been playing some games of pool almost every evening and that has been really enjoyable. We need some furniture/chairs in there, though, LOL. I did just order some bar stools that are supposed to be here on Tuesday.
I found this bankers lamp in orange (I have only ever seen these style of lamps in green!) and ordered it for the "library". I think it will look great with the orange chair.
These are the bar stools I ordered
They look like they will match the wood of the pool table pretty well. We'll see. We might end up ordering one or 2 more, we'll see after dh figures out how to finish out the bar countertop. We should be able to fit 3 at the bar and maybe just have another one up against the wall, for extra seating.
I also ordered some more used books from Thriftbooks. Nine books for $55 and I've apparently make enough purchases now to earn a free used book. It's fun ordering and getting the books and I like that most are only $4 to $5. (and free shipping)
I'm glad this is a 3 day weekend. One more long weekend before getting back to it all. I'm sure I'm way behind with everything at work now. I think I might make a cake today. Cake and ice cream sound good.
Good idea to put away some of her things to go through later. Down sizing in steps is definitely easier than having to do a whole house suddenly. My mom died suddenly at a young age and I wasn’t able to get many of her things and wish I had a couple of things. I have two pairs of her earrings that she used to wear. I just like looking at them. You don’t have to answer of course, but didn’t the step siblings want part of her money? I think I remember something about that. Best wishes to you, Joyce in FL
ReplyDeleteyes, she had set up each of her 4 step children to get a percentage of her retirement account
DeleteI wonder if their silence means they will try to get more money. You are right about the downsizing in stages. That is sweet that he wanted the frogs.
ReplyDeleteI had already talked to the attorney who did her will, a few years ago. As step children they have no legal right to any of her estate. If she wants to leave them something, that is her prerogative, but they have no claim to any of it. Their silence has to do with apparently I wasn't supposed to be the one who managed her medical and financial.....yet, under my management there is almost exactly the same amount of money left as there was over 4 years ago, when step bro had told me she only had 8-10 years of money left.
DeleteI wanted to add that I love all the furnishings you are buying. I have never seen an orange desk lamp either, but love it. I have two grown step sons and three children of my own. My step sons want nothing to do with me. So we have our wills made out and that’s the way it will go. Joyce in FL
ReplyDeleteI think people think it's so common for wills to be protested and it's really not and really hard to do when someone has made a will. I know a couple people who expressly left someone out of their will and there's nothing they can do.
DeleteYou are actually really fortunate on both the possessions and the estate. My mom died two days before signing a new will to put her home and one bank account into a trust, so we had to go through probate for that. Since her beneficiaries were me, my children, and small cash bequests to a couple of friends and one nephew, it was mostly just time consuming in the waiting and paying of fees.
ReplyDeleteThe downsizing was a nightmare for me. I did not have a terrific relationship with my mom, and I trully resented be stuck deadling with 70 years of possessions. The worst was dealing with my husband, who wants to keep EVERYTHING and was not always understanding that I could not cope with his obsessiveness and my own emotional state. We got through it, but I am now highly conscious of not retaining excess stuff that my kids will have to deal with after I'm gone.
I am very sorry for your loss. You were an attentive and caring daughter in your mom's final years and she was very blessed to have you and your family looking out for her.
-Janelle
It sure does take a long time for the probate process. My father in laws will took about a year and a half and he really didn't have that much. I can relate to what you went through with your husband wanting to keep everything! Even the little bit I was trying to keep and pack up of my mom's things he kept saying "don't you want this?" It was literally twin sized bedsheets, LOL. I said no.....I don't have any twin beds, they can be donated.
DeleteThe fact that your mom downsized several times really is a blessing isn't it! I would hate my kids to have to go through this place if/when I go, so that really is one of the reasons I'm trying to get rid of so much stuff! It's one more hassle you didn't need at a time of grief!
ReplyDeleteIf I go before my dh, my daughter will have a nightmare to deal with, since he won't get rid of anything. I told her if he dies before me I will do my best (and she will likely help) to get rid of it all before I die, so she doesn't have to deal with it. I told her she has my permission to just hire someone to come haul it all away. It would probably take years to go through and get rid of all the stuff he has in his shop and garage.
DeleteI have only just finished dealing with my mother's stuff; she died over five years ago.
ReplyDeleteI'm a confirmed minimalist; when items like letters and bills come into the house they get the immediate "Deal with then Ditch" treatment!
I try to do the same. I have all my bills set up as paperless and pretty much most of our mail is junk mail and it hits the garbage can as soon as it comes into the house. When we used to have a PO box in town, I would just drop it in the garbage can in the Post office lobby, before heading out the door, LOL.
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