I've been playing marriage counselor to my friend again. Ahhhhh!! She's been seeing a real counselor off an on....and she tells me what he advises her and it's exactly what I have told her! Hmmm...maybe I'm in the wrong profession. NO! I would go insane listening to people's problems all day, especially when you don't see them making any progress.
Friend did, a few days ago (at counselor's advice), take her cheating husband off her facebook. Like her counselor told her, why should he be allowed to have any insight into her life anymore? She still needs to file the divorce papers she filled out 2 months ago. The counselor and I both said, maybe actually having to sign them will be the wake up call he needs. But, she's still worried he will actually sign them. She doesn't talk to him very often anymore. Last time was 2 weeks ago (he was late paying her some of their bills) and when he does he is mean and rude to her.
I finally told her today, I'm sorry, but if this was me I would SO be over letting him treat me like this (it's been since mid summer). And just because she loves him still, doesn't mean he gets to treat her like this! She's sad, she's lonely, she's heartbroken. Of course she is, but at some point enough is enough. I told her it may not seem like it right now, but she can find happiness in her life again and she needs to. One baby step at a time. One step or decision leads to the next step towards happiness. Just hoping and wishing he changes back in the the husband she used to have isn't going to work. And most likely is not going to happen.
Thank God before all this happened she had gone back to school and got her 2 year degree and a full time administrative job, so at least she is able to support herself (though she may end up having to sell the house if they divorce).
Though no one wants to lose a home during a divorce there are worse things. I hope she will realize she can go through the rest of her life without the dead weight of a d---head husband.ReplyDelete
I've been refraining from trying to get her to just dump his sorry a$$, because she is still so "oh, but I want to work this out with him, I still love him" but yesterday I finally told her she needs to just rip the bandaid off and start healing herself and that she will find happiness again. She will get through this, but at this point there is no reason to just keep making herself miserable waiting and hoping.Delete
I think your friend is so much used to having a husband that she is afraid what will happen when she is all by herself. I just cannot imagine loving someone who treats me disrespectfully. It is not love. I hope, she gets herself out of the draining relationship. I have never been married although I had some people in my life. No regrets here. It is not easy to find the right person to grow old with. If you cannot, you can survive on your own and still be happy. Kudos to people who find each other and make it work but, that is not a must.ReplyDelete
I agree, it is not a must. If my DH did that to me I'd kick him so far down the curb! He doesn't define my life or who I am. She is having a hard time seeing that she can survive on her own, I think. Not to mention he's of course making her feel like she's the one to blame in all this! It's affecting how she's reacting and processing it all. I am really glad she is seeing a counselor though, I know he's helping her see all this. It's just taking awhile.Delete
It's easier to see the solution to someone else's problems because your own emotions aren't involved. That being said, I always knew I had to get rid of my ex but when you are getting 3-4 non-consecutive hours sleep a night sometimes just getting out of bed is as much as you can manage. I hope she gets there though because even if the husband does come back does she forever want to play marriage police? Good luck to her.ReplyDelete
yes, it sure is easier when you are outside looking in. I know she is making herself literally sick over this. And she has said she doesn't know how she could trust him again, she'd always be looking to see if he's cheating again.Delete