I mentioned a little while ago DH keeps hearing from his older brother and he keeps wanting him to come in to the city and meet for lunch. The other day I finally said to DH - just go do it and get it over with. Then you can tell yourself you did it/made the effort and be done with it. Yesterday I guess brother texted him again, so he decided to go have lunch with him. I guess he went to brother's house first (to pick him up, he doesn't drive much anymore I guess) but they sat down, started talking, looking at old family pics, etc, and just ended up staying at brother's house. Thankfully when Dh left our house at noon, he had already eaten his lunch, haha. He was there until 7pm and gets home at 8pm and said he's starving. I said didn't they feed you some dinner since you were there so late? He said his sister in law offered, but Dh said he wasn't hungry then (until he was driving home). DH can talk a person's ear off and I think brother is kind of the same, so hence the 6 hour visit. Especially since they hadn't seen each other in probably 20 years or more. They were living in Alaska then, had come down for a visit and stopped at Dh's parents house for literally like minutes, while we wre there and that was it. He never tried to keep in touch with DH after they moved to Alaska (though DH had tried calling him a few times, when he first moved up there like 30 years ago).
He's not very healthy. I think he is like 63 years old. Alcohol has always been a big part of his life. He also told DH that while living in Alaska they did get involved with cocaine for awhile (probably why they gave up one of their kids to the state, because they couldn't care for his special needs). They are both heavy smokers, so sitting in their house while they smoked the whole time - ugh! glad it wasn't me. DH totally stunk like cigarette smoke when he got home (which he hates) so the first thing he did was throw his clothes in the laundry room and jump in the shower.
Other than that it was an ok visit, I guess. They always had a love of muscle cars in common, so something to talk about. I'm sure now that the visit gone done with, it will all fizzle out, back like it was for the past 30 years. At least I didn't have to go with him! I have no desire to spend any time with them, unless I have to and since I guess they don't want to drive out to see us, I shouldn't have to worry about it.
Sounds as if went well all things considered. Your DH took control of the situation and met his brother on his own terms, even though it meant him doing the travelling. At least then he could leave as soon as he wanted to. If they’d come to your home it would have been difficult to say - It’s been six hours, are you planning on going soon?!
ReplyDeleteHa! that is very true! (that's probably what brothers wife was thinking, LOL).
DeleteDespite the cigarette smoke, your DH sounds like he had a good time chatting with his brother. Smokers must go out to smoke when they are visiting me. I cannot stand the smell and it makes my chest stuffy. So, if they ever come for a visit, at least you have a nice property.
ReplyDeleteit does sound like they had a good time catching up. DH dug out some old pics he had of cars they had when DH was a teen and brother was in his 20's and took pics of the pics with his phone and texted some to him yesterday. There is definitely no smoking in my house...so they probably wouldn't stay too long, haha!
DeleteWhen smokers come to my house, they stink when they come in the door. An obligatory hug makes me cough and then I stink from their clothes. That would have been a short visit if I had been there. I can smell cig on the chair in which they sit.
ReplyDeleteDrinkers are not regular people in their response to others. My friend who was an alcoholic never did things to fit in, just wanted to be on the outside with little contact, but contact was on his terms. He finally quit smoking and died six months after his house caught on fire.
I hate cigarette smoke. DH parent's both smoked. They didn't even smoke in the house (they went in their garage) but their house smelled so bad of smoke anyway. Anytime we'd go visit we'd all get home and straight to showers to wash our hair and put our clothes in the washing machine.
DeleteThis could be the start of a relationship that works for them, how nice. If not, then DH and him know they tried and that is also great too.
ReplyDeleteI had typed a reply to your comment and now it's gone. Yes, either way is fine, really. I'm sure once they get past the "catching up" stage, they'll end up back where they were the last 30 years. His brother and wife have never done anything to impress me, from having twins (that are now 40 years old) with fetal alcohol syndrome, to the drinking and drug use - I really have no use for them.
DeleteFamily can be very strange, but, you are right - brotherly love. It's nice to see. :)
ReplyDeleteMe not having any siblings I grew up with - it's a foreign concept to me, haha
DeleteI'm glad your hubs got to be with his brother after such a long time, and it sounds like they had a good visit. And 63 and in bad health - not surprising really though is it sadly. My grandma had a fair amount of money (without being rich) and my mom's sister managed to "get her hands on all her money over the years" (if you know what I mean) and my gran died with nothing. My aunt and her husband somehow managed to smoke and drink their way through my gran's small fortune and both died penniless also. It was quite a feat of spending and endurance sadly.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it's all the drinking (and drugs) as to why he's 63 and in such poor health. DH said he doesn't really look that good, for his age.
DeleteIt is a good thing that they had some time to catch up. If it continues that is good and if not at least they had one day.
ReplyDeleteThat's a good point. I understand why he and his wife had distanced themselves from his parents (they never treated his wife very well at all) but most of it was their own doing. And being the oldest (by 8-15 years) he was required to take care of Dh and his siblings a lot, especially when the youngest 2 were born. I think he left home by the time he was 17.
DeleteFamily's are all different, and we all have our highs and woes. It is good that the brothers had the time, even if it won't be for a while again.
ReplyDeleteyes, DH enjoyed seeing him again and they are still texting each other quite a bit, so that is good.
DeleteFamilies can be complicated! I don't have contact with my siblings by choice - our lifestyles are very different. It sounds like it went well for DH and at least they've had a good catch up now.
ReplyDeleteThey sure are! and 20-30 years is a long time to not have any contact.
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