Without going back over my old posts, I can't remember if/what I have written about my uncle in regards to his will and comments he's made. I know I have talked about the fact that I really don't think he needs to inherit 30% of my mom's money at his age! (almost 80 now) He had told me a couple years ago that since he's not married and no kids, his will was leaving my mom everything and then to me, if she had already died. Again, we're not talking a large estate, by any means, but he does have a small house and a couple cars, one being a show type car. (and supposedly like $20k or something like that in cash a safe deposit box of money my mom gave him a few years ago?? I don't believe that!)
Then a couple weeks ago he called and asked for a copy of her will. He couldn't find his copy. I don't think he ever got the copy of her will that was updated in 2018. That was how I found out about her will change (and durable power of attorney with my step brother) in late 2019. I was visiting her and found 2 copies of her will, one with his name on the outside of it and one with mine. She apparently meant to give us the copies and forgot. Anyhow, I told him we had just changed her will, here locally, so that I would be the executor and not step brother, so I went ahead and emailed him a copy. I never could figure out why he would need a copy of her will to change his?? He said that he was changing his, that since she was more than well off, she didn't need to inherit from him. Again, I'm thinking to myself, what does her will have to do with his? He made it sound like I would be the beneficiary of his estate then, but I didn't press for more details. It's none of my business, really.
Then he calls me Monday. He's still working on his will with an attorney. He was kind of thinking...since I'm going to inherit a bunch of money from my mom, I really don't need to inherit from him, too...he was thinking of leaving it to my 2 kids, but he also mentioned " and all my other (great) nieces and nephews - most of which I've never met". What was I supposed to say to that? Like I'm going to say no, I don't think that's a good idea?! LOL. I just said you do whatever works for you. Like I've said to my mom for years, it's her money. Her decision. He said "well, I don't know if it just seems weird that I'd leave you out? I'm still thinking on it".
So, yesterday morning, after I thought on it some this is the conclusion I came to. If my mom dies first and he inherits 30% of her money, then that (unless he spends it all) is most likely going to be the majority of the money in his estate, when he dies. I was kind of ok with him getting her 30%, as then eventually some of it would just end up back to me, from his will (but more than likely the state will end up with it as he will most likely be in nursing care/medicare by then and they will take any inheritance he might get). But, lets say for some reason he does have quite a bit of it left, when he dies. So, these nieces and nephews (and maybe their kids?) get all his money, that was really my mom's money? haha! Again, another reason I really don't think she needs to leave him 30%! I'd much rather see my step siblings get that money then distant cousins. That money should stay in my parents immediate family, is my feeling.
So, kind of made the decision I've been struggling with, easier, to have my mom change him down to 10% on her beneficiary form with her retirement account and pass that 20% back to my step siblings. It was, after all, largely because of their dad, she has this much money. He made good money in his career and invested well. But, my mom also SAVED it all extremely well.
Then my uncle texts me the next morning: I don't know what I was thinking. You will be in my will. I don't know what I was thinking. I replied: No worries. Like I said and have said to mom over the years. Your money. Your decision. But thank you!
So, when it happens who really knows what it will be, LOL. I'm just not really keen on potentially a whole lot of my mom's money getting passed to relatives who he doesn't even see or talk to. His (and my mom's) deceased brother's 4 kids (my cousins) don't ever contact him. How does he know some of them aren't in the same position as me - set to inherit a bunch of money from their mom (divorced from my deceased uncle) or their spouses parents. I don't really even feel my uncle deserves any of my parents money, let alone it then getting passed on to cousins. Most people leave their estate to their child(ren), not to siblings or grandchildren. My mom's estate should go to her child(ren). I can understand someone super rich, doing that, but we're not talking uber rich here.
If my uncle wants to leave HIS estate to my cousins and not me, that's a-ok with me, but not if it's a result of all my mom's money.
At the end of the day, the money is theirs to do as they choose to do so with. But your mom made the updated will with some memory loss issues already present, and that complicates things. My great aunt wrote her will and did not include all my siblings, just those of us who were single when she wrote it. But she included my two cousins, one of whom was not single. So if I had been married, I'd have gotten nothing but I was the only one frequently available to help - I did it expecting nothing, but the reality is my cousins would've gotten $$ because she spent more time with them pre writing of the will. It is tough all around, my grandad has given out what he thinks we deserve, to remove this one issue after his passing. Tough decisions.
ReplyDeleteit's all just strange to me. Seems like for most people (who aren't ultra rich) just leave it to your child(ren) in equal amounts. Equitable and fair. But, I guess life has to be more complicated than that.
DeleteOh life is infinitely more complex!!
DeleteThen that being said the “leaving it to your children” her step children would be included especially if their dad made invested in that money (leaving money to his children). Very complicated. I will say with her possible memory loss even earlier at the will change and specifically now that ship has sailed in changing anything.
DeleteCalling you so many times sounds like he wasn’t sure of his decision to leave money to distant nieces and nephews. Maybe get your reaction too?
ReplyDeleteit sounds like that's what he was doing and wasn't sure, but what was I supposed to say? No?!! LOL. I was just like whatever you'd like to do, it's your decision.
DeleteI tend to agree with you. This is the uncle who your mom "supposedly" lent money to and he was "supposedly" going to pay her back - but never did because isn't all that "supposed" money sitting in an account for him to repay her. Frankly I wouldn't want his money and I surely wouldn't want my mom's money funnelled through him to people you have no connection with. But then, what can you do, it's their decision to make!
ReplyDeleteyes, my one and only (living) uncle. Going through (recently) an old checking register of hers I found where she gave and/or loaned him over $25,000.
DeleteI would have your mom change her will as soon as possible before she becomes more confused. Your uncle does not need her miner and he may still pass it on to others. She could leave him a token amount $5000. You don’t know what your health was be like in years to come and you might need the money.
ReplyDeletethat's a very good point!
DeleteI agree to get your mom to change her will. Having a blended family I think your step siblings do deserve some of your moms estate. She was married to their father. Figure out % and include them. A co worker father died and left ever penny to the step mother. Not a cent to her and her sister. I saw how hurt she was. Some of the money willed to step mother was money that her parents had when married. Also my own father left his estate to me and my siblings. I saw how hurt the grandchildren were that grandpa did not think of them. Same thing with mother in law's will. Being the nice parents we are we did give them some money that we inherited. Good luck on what you do.
ReplyDeleteShe already has the step siblings in for a small % each, but I don't think they deserve less than uncle! I would expect a spouse to leave it all to the surviving spouse. When my MIL died, my FIL was of course the beneficiary. None of the kids expected anything, until after their dad passed on. I guess if someone has lots and lots of money they might want to allocate to grandchildren, too, but as a grandchild I wouldn't expect anything.
DeleteOkay I did not know your step siblings were included in the will. You are right I think they should get more then uncle.
ReplyDeleteit's so hard to figure out what all to do! My step dad who adopted me when they got married)passed in 2009. He was 10 years older than my mom and has 4 kids, all older than me. Two were adults when my mom married him. I assumed any will would leave it to the 5 of us equally, but a year or so after my dad passed she gave me a copy of her new will she had redone after his passing. It was 100% to me. I was shocked and said are you sure?? Her reply (and she had NO memory issues back then) was you are the one who will be taking care of me, not any of them, and they all have more money then me does and do not need it. Then it was 2018, (memory problems starting to surface) when her BF and Step brother somehow got all involved and all this got changed to leaving 30% to uncle and 2.5% to each of her step children. Fast forward to 2019, when I discovered this new will, and she couldn't even really tell me why she changed it or what her thinking on it was, so I'm sure they were all giving her advice and talked her into whatever.
DeletePardon me, but your uncle seems a little shady. And a little obsessed with your mom's money.
ReplyDeleteI think you should get her will "updated" if possible. I believe her money should go to you 1st & your children 2nd. I guess I'm old fashioned that way. You have to have a LOT of $$$ to get into the brothers & sisters etc. when distributing inheritance. Especially at your mom's & uncle's age. Unless they had some type of understanding. I think your uncle would have had that in writing!!
yes, that is how I have always felt just a little bit about him! It's just kind of on the fringe where you think he's making this story or that story up, but he never does enough to make it figured out. Just like the time he called me up and asked me if dh would like my grandpa's old rifle. I said dh would LOVE to have it and cherish it. The next day he calls me up with some story about he forgot he lent it to a cousin of his and apparently that guy sold it. I don't believe the story for a minute. Something changed his mind about wanting to give it to us, so he felt he had to come up with some story. It's always little stuff like that that make you go hmmm...Or him telling my mom he'd take her car (for free!) because he could really use a daily driver car as his little truck is getting old. He literally had her car sold within a day or two of getting it.
DeleteI just think that with her memory loss that any change at this time could be contested. There is enough documentation of her short term loss as you’ve described and others are aware of. She would be identified as vulnerable and easily coerced. That would be dicey if the step brother and uncle got together and went after you. (Maybe I overthink things ha!) But she has a fair amount of money and that gets people doing things.
ReplyDeleteI re read the durable power of attorney. It specifically gives me authority to make changes to her beneficiaries, so it seems I am within rights to make changes on her behalf. It says I can sell property, etc etc.
DeleteGood that shouldn’t be a problem then.
DeleteSince he changed her will when she had memory problems, it seems you might be able to make the point he is after her money. I think he wants to be the beneficent give of money to his heirs. He wants the glory of being remembered for being generous. I hope you get this straightened out before he has enough power and she is seen as not capable of changing her mind. I think the reason he is telling you he is leaving you money is so that you will think kindly and see that he gets some, too. It is all about him. I would keep all those check registers and other evidence of the money he has gotten. And, do you have it in writing that she lent him money and the ridiculous claim that he is keep a stash of money for her? I would start gathering that all together and keeping it in one place. Also, could you ask him in an email where the box of money is so you can claim it after she is gone? He may say it is in a safe place which proves he did it. If he denies having any such thing, well, I don't know. It would just be evidence either way. Print any emails, not just save them digitally.
ReplyDeleteI think the reason he is concocting the story that he has money she gave him in a safe deposit box is because he knew, now that I'm taking care of her and her finances, I'd figure out she gave him a bunch of money and might question it. I don't have anything in writing. I'm not going to ask him for something like that. She gave him the money, it was her choice and that ship has sailed. I just know we are not "loaning" him any more. A few of her notes in check registers say "loan". some don't. I have no illusions there will be $20k in a safe deposit box when he dies.
DeleteI doubt step bro would argue - as it would give him more than it was before, LOL. But, who knows with uncle. Since "most likely" none of this is going to take place until he's well into his 80's (and my mom), it's hard to say.
ReplyDeleteI rethought what I said before. I would only give your uncle $5000.00 and add a note that states he said he has gotten money already from your mother. I would leave the 4 step-siblings 2.5% each with a note that if any of the four die before your money that share is divided among the remaining siblings. I would not mention your daughter or son in the will since you can privately pass money on to them. That way the step-siblings don’t feel their children were left out.
ReplyDeletethat really sounds like the best plan to me. Only one of the 4 step siblings has children, the other 3 never had/wanted any.
Delete