This friend dh got caught up with the other evening, he's known for a good 20 years or so. After we moved over here and around the time we were building, dh eventually gave up trying to call or text. Dh would text and get no replies back. Or he'd do a group text with this guy and another friend. I think dh was the one who tried reaching out again, finally, with a text hello the other day. Friend texted back and then called. Acting like dh ditched him! Said he didn't get his annual birthday text last summer. Dh said well, I was in the hospital thinking I could die, so well, ya...."oh I didn't know". dh: Ya, well that's because you would never reply back to my texts, so I gave up. Friend said something about he was dealing with his son a lot a couple years ago (he had dropped out of college, no job, no ambition) and going through a lot. Dh just said, yes, I can certainly relate to that (and friend knows that). DH also told him checking in on each other has to go both ways.....this was also the friend, who every time dh told him something he's doing (like with our house build) he had to tell dh he was wrong, or "what are you doing that for?" type of thing. It gets old, though I know dh has missed having him for a friend.
Seems we're all dealing with aging parents now. Friends mom has Alzheimers and his dad has cancer. He is good friends with another guy dh was friends with, but again, gave up on trying to stay on contact with him even before this guy. Friend said this guy and his wife, who had moved to Hawaii to retire, are now moved back to the mainland take care of both of their parents. Sad they didn't get to stay in Hawaii as I know that they really wanted to live their retirement years there. I think they even built a house there. I'm feeling glad I was able to move my mom close to me to help take care of her.
For some reason yesterday my mom kept calling my uncle yesterday. I'm not sure if she thought she was calling me or what. The first time was 8 am and she called him because she couldn't get her med dispenser to work (it was 7am his time zone, not that she probably realizes that anymore). He must have said to her that I could probably help her better and he says she asked him to have me call her. It turns out she was trying to dispense the morning meds more than 30 minutes before the set time, so it won't dispense that early. Then he texted me at noon that she seems worried and confused and again asked him to have me call her.
When she answered she said "oh, this isn't important, while you are working today". I said it's ok, what's going on? Something wrong with her computer, but she can wait on it. I told her I'll be there this weekend and can take a look at it. I then asked her if she's having trouble calling me? She doesn't think so. I said she's called uncle twice today and asked him to have me call her. She honestly acted fine during that call. I don't know if uncle is just doing his usual over reacting about her calling or what. I don't need to deal with both of them, LOL.
I keep waking up at 6am. I even tried to go to bed a little later last night, hoping I'd sleep in. Last night when I went to bed the kitty followed me to bed, so I let him stay awhile. He only played for a couple minutes then settled down and slept next to me until 11:30. Then he started getting restless so I took him back upstairs to sleep in his crate.
It's supposed to be snowing this morning. It's not :/
After helping my parents with physical needs and then both passing away, we haven't really had elder issues for a while. My husbands dad died fairly young at just 74 and his mom is a healthy 81, but I know that can't last and eventually will need more support. I hav enot been in on the family meetings she has a few times a year with her kids, but they all seem to know what her wishes are as she ages and none feel particuallry stressed about her plan. It takes effort to maintain close friendships as adults, and harder as older adults when we have family's of our own. Your husband is right-reaching out goes both ways and a good reminder that I need to do my part with a couple friends.
ReplyDeleteI seem to have the same problem with friends over the years. I try to reach out regularly, but they don't, so I end up giving up.
DeleteI think your husband was right to tell this friend that friendship is a two-way street. Not sure it will do much good (because the friend does sound a bit selfish, to be honest) but I guess it would be nice if they could pick up their friendship again for your husband's sake!
ReplyDeleteit will be interesting to see if friend makes the effort going forward.
DeleteYour hubby is right, but a true softie as well. It is a two way street, so don't complain! The irony is, if he missed your hubby's bday message, why not reach out? I hope your mom's mind can make the machine a normal part of her daily routines.
ReplyDeleteMom seems to be doing better with the machine the past week or so. No more unplugging it, so now it all seems to be working like it's supposed to and she's getting her meds for sure every day and I'm relieved!
DeleteI am glad your DH made his point. As for your uncle, do you think he may be getting older and confused too? I do not know how old he is though.
ReplyDeleteUncle is 77. It's certainly possible he could be getting the same way (their dad got Alzheimer's around age 78 died at age 80), but only talking to him for a few minutes at a time, it's hard to notice. A person could talk to my mom for very short periods every so often and not realize how bad she is. I think any thing that she expresses the slightest concern about he overreacts and thinks it something that needs to be fixed or is a big deal, when most often it's just the way it is now.
DeleteYour husband should note "ball's in your court" when he talks/texts to his friend. I think your uncle wants to be perceived as an important caregiver in her life!
ReplyDeleteI was already in bed, asleep when they finally ended their call, but it wouldn't surprise me if dh did say something like that to him. You are probably right about uncle. He is always good to thank me for everything I do for her.
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