I need 4 days off from my 4 days off :)
While I completely have the patience to deal with my mom, I do not have enough energy to deal with it 24/7, if that makes sense. It just exhausts me. It's just little stuff, but repeated over and over, gets a bit much. Just a little example is I have a cute decorative dish cloth hanging over the edge of my farmhouse sink, off to one side. On my counter, next to the sink on the other side I have 2 folded dishtowels for use. After her asking over and over "which towel do I use, this one ?" and after a endless number of times me saying, "oh this one is just decoration (but you can use it), I use these 2". (not that it would matter if she used the decor one). Finally, on day 2 I got smart and just put the decorative towel in the drawer, LOL. Out of sight out of mind.
Every time she uses the bathroom and is done she shuts the door. I have no idea why. She has never shut the door to her guest bathroom all her life in her houses, so it's not like it's an old habit. Sometimes she'll ask me if I want the door shut when she's coming out and I say no, you can leave it open, but the next time it's shut. A couple of times she also mentioned closing the toilet lid down because she thought maybe the dogs go in and drink out of the toilet bowls. I said no, they have their water bowl they drink out of. Over and over, same thing.
I also think she is getting confused where she lives/what state now. I mentioned last post the weird discussion about changing banks. Then when I was driving her home it was raining most of the way. She says typical WA weather...I said umm, this is Montana though. She tries to correct herself and then says something about well, I meant when we get back to WA....I said no, you live in MT now. UGH!
So, we get back to her apt and I start to try to figure out her internet problem. As she was on Friday she's constantly interrupting me. Finally I had to say "mom, this is going to take me awhile to figure out, I just need you to be quiet for a little bit". Then I had to get on the phone with the cable/internet company. Super nice girl on the other end. One of my mom's odd quirks is anytime she has to give someone her name she has to spell out her last name very adamantly. It's one of those names either son or sen. And you know how when you are on the phone about an account they will say - can you verify the name and address on the account? she always has to spell it out. LOL. Or if I take her to the dr and they say what is your name? LOL. So the internet customer service says to me can you verify the name and address on the account. I say her name and start to give address and my mom's behind me saying "you have to spell out my last name for them". OH gosh..LOL!!
Anyhow - she has a modem and a router. There is supposed to be yellow ethernet cable plugged in between modem and router. Nope, not one there. I start looking around behind desk, in drawers and say to my mom "I'm looking for a yellow cable that was plugged in to these" She says "oh I don't know...unless someone came and took it". No mom...no one came and stole your ethernet cable! LOL.
ya...like I said I need 4 days off ;)
Bless your heart, i bet you do! At least you know you are being a good daughter, it is normal to feel that way. I hope you have a great week.
ReplyDeletesometimes it's sad and sometimes it's just funny. But I am so glad I have her near and can take care of all this.
DeleteThat was what I was going to suggest about the towel. Maybe it would make no difference if you did not tell her the state she lived in. She will not remember. Maybe that would relieve a bit of your stress. It must be hard seeing your mother's decline. And, who would steal an ethernet cable? (rhetorical)
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing you are right that it's going to be easier as it goes on to just not correct her. That's what I was reading about recommended to reply when they think someone took something.
DeleteI remember your intolerance of your sister in law’s complaints in dealing with your in-laws payback
ReplyDeleteoh geez, not even the same level. I would never say the things she said to her dad in his last months of life, let alone treat my mom like she treated him. I'm just writing to show what it's like taking care of a person with memory issues. Sometimes sad and often times so funny we just have to laugh. This is the reality of her mind now. Certainly not her fault at all, nor would I ever treat her like it is. It's a learning process to see what works and what doesn't. Of course non of it was easy, nor was it for SIL, as we knew as well. I can guarantee you I won't be making my social life more of a priority than my mom's last few weeks of life, when the time comes, as my SIL did.
DeleteThe above comment posted by "Unknown" is mean. I am sure, it is very sad for you to see your mom's memory failing. My grandpa had the same kind of problems and I remember my mom crying saying that "It is so sad to see my dad, my rock to become so helpless and so childlike. Is this the man who offered a sensible solution to all our problems? Where is he gone?" There had been funny moments too but, to realize that the person whom you knew as your mom/dad is not the same person anymore, is very difficult to cope with. Wishing you strength, patience and good luck to you. It is not easy.
ReplyDeletethank you so much. It's not easy to see her change and decline, but I would never say anything to my mom to disrespect her, nor would I be ever be mad that I had to give up going out to dinner or a concert in my mom's last few weeks of life (as my SIL did).
DeleteIt is sad, but I got a laugh out of 'someone stole her ethernet cable'.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad there is some of it I can laugh about :) Sometimes you just never know what she is going to say or react to something, haha.
DeleteMy dad lives with my Great Aunt who also has dementia - your blogs are giving me more insight as to how their days run. And she has help coming in! But it is tough - I think you are doing the best you can now, all things considered. I wonder where she would have put her ethernet cable??! Definitely going to have to leave a note there saying do not touch!
ReplyDeleteI am writing a new post now, where I mentioned I forgot to say I found the ethernet cable in one of her drawers next to her desk! Who knows? LOL. I can definitely see why they say f/t care givers with a dementia relative need breaks.
DeleteCaregiver burnout is real - and especially if your patient is prone to violence :/ it is not an easy job. LOL, I bet she thought it would fix it, and then of course just her mind did not follow up - oh man. Glad you did figure it out.
DeleteIt must be very hard for you when your mom is with you 24/7! I know it was for my sister. The last time my mom came out to France, every time I went to the bathroom someone had turned the toilet paper round the other way - so I'd turn it back again! In the end I laughed and said "it's you isn't it?" and she just said yes 'cos I was "doing it wrong"!
ReplyDeleteLOL. yes, the 24/7 part is much harder. I still totally have the patience while she's here, I just find myself exhausted from it. I find the way the mind works (and doesn't work in her case) fascinating.
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