As I totally expected, FIL ended up back in ER last night. What a mess. I'm really not sure what SIL (or even FIL) expected to happen and of course no plan for MIL's care.......again. SIL and her DH were babysitting their new granddaughter when FIL had to be taken in. So, she got a neighbor of theirs to come over and stay with MIL, while her DH stayed home with their grandbaby. After a couple/few hours, of course the neighbor was ready to be done, but SIL said the dr. told her she needed to stay at the hospital with FIL, so she didn't know what to do. Well...call your daughter up, tell her it's an emergency, and she's going to have to come pick up her baby! Geez.
FIL earlier this week had filled out DNR paperwork. He now has congestive heart failure as well as C-diff, so rather than put him in intensive care at the hospital it was decided to send him back home and get hospice set up. So SIL took him back home (this is around 11pm), but hospice isn't coming until Monday. So, she leaves them by themselves and goes back home! omg. I guess someone is coming today to do an assessment for nursing home care on both of them. SIL said it's a requirement by the state or something to have this assessment done.
She seems more concerned with the money aspect of it all. She actually messaged this morning to ask if I could look up and see if nursing home care is tax deductible. DH says "that's what she is worried about?!!". Then DH talked with his dad this morning. He commented something similar about the money for the care and no inheritance to the kids. DH was like we don't and never have expected an inheritance, you are supposed to use your money for your and mom's care.
I started to say to DH that I am just not getting why they are all so concerned with using their savings and income for their care and started to compare to my grandma and how we worked it with her. Well, he started to spout out some "they are poor, your grandma didn't have a house payment, etc". I said first off, they have way more money than my grandma ever did. They have some savings, they have a pension and both get social security. They also have a house that is paid off, other than they do have a $20k line of credit loan (this per SIL). The house is probably worth $200k. My grandmas little mobile home was worth $12,000. They do not have to sell their house in order to qualify for medicaid, after their savings run out. Once they die, medicaid may go after some of the proceeds from the sale of the house, but they do not have to sell it to have their care paid for by medicaid (at least this is what I am reading, as they have less than $520,000 in home equity). So, this all doesn't have to be this big issue they are making it to be.
Go into assisted/nursing care. Use their savings and regular monthly income to pay for it. Once the savings runs out, they can go on medicaid. Their monthly income will still go towards the cost of care and medicaid will pick up the rest. SIL can either then get the house sold or she can wait and do it after they pass. I'm just not understanding why they are all not wanting to use their money for the care they obviously need. They are both at the stage in life where that is what they need and don't have a choice. That is what their money has to be used for. Plain and simple. It's not like they need to keep their savings for some other reason or use.
SIL is complaining (and rightly so) that she doesn't have enough time to deal with all this and work her job, take this much time off all the time, etc. Well, then she's going to have to get serious and just tell them this is what is happening. They are going into nursing care and that is that.
On another parent issue, my mom had an MRI done yesterday of her brain. Probably a good thing as apparently she told DD (dd happened to call her yesterday afternoon after she got off work) she didn't realize she was having an MRI done at this appointment! She also mentioned to DD that the medicine she takes for her excessive sweating..Paxil......can cause memory problems, so the doctor might reduce her dosage. DD didn't know what the medication was, but she was pretty sure Grandma was confused about what she is taking it for. I told DD, no, that medication is for anxiety and she has been taking it for years. She said grandma seemed kind of flustered and confused by it all and I said, I'm sure it was a tiring overwhelming day and when she has that, she gets so she doesn't remember stuff very well.
I decided to wait and call her this morning, after she got some rest. She seemed pretty good. She did say she sure didn't remember them telling her she was going to have an MRI. I then asked about her medication the dr. wants to change dosage...(to see if she was still thinking this was medication for her sweating)...all's she said was "it's paroxetine (paxil) but I don't even remember anymore why I take it or why I started taking it". I told her its for anxiety and she said "oh, I must have started taking it when your dad got sick, well, I probably don't need it anymore".
I was just doing some online reading that medications like Paxil are thought to be associated with a two fold increase in cognitive impairment. So, I hope the doctor looks at this seriously and works on getting her off of it. She said something about the doctor said waiting until summer to do it. It has always frustrated me that a medication that was supposed to be a temporary fix, while she was going through stress, turned into a permanent thing. I know that is what caused her big weight gain (a good 50 pounds on a petite 5'4" frame) and the sweating she suffers from. I'm sure it probably isn't helping her memory/brain function either.