I'm understanding SIL's worries, regarding parents, a bit better now. As Karen pointed out in a comment from my last past, many facilities require two years of private pay before accepting medicaid. SIL has found this to be very true, especially for the one's that she feels aren't crappy places. The quotes she is getting will run around $11,000-$12,000 a month for the both of them, so they will run out of their savings in a couple of months. In order to stay in the nursing facility of choice, she will have to get their home sold quickly, so that they have the money to keep paying for it. Which doesn't leave any money to fix up the house issues, so it will have to be sold as is. They are now past the time available to them to "spend down" some of their savings to fix the house. They needed to do this before they needed to go into nursing home care.
I guess FIL told SIL over the weekend he's ready for them to go into a nursing home asap (he said "tomorrow"). Obviously it's going to take SIL a few days to line something up, I would imagine. DH talked to him last night and basically told him it's time, they have to do it, so they can get the care they both need. He also guilted his dad a bit, by telling him SIL is wore out. She can't handle dealing with them trying to stay in their home, when they can't take care of themselves. But, I think it was needed to be said. Their other brother just kind of stays out of the conversation, for the most part. SIL and her DH went and looked at several over the weekend. Zillow shows their house valued at $323,000. Accounting for the shape it is really in, maybe they can get $225-250k for it, less their selling fees and $20k line of credit, that should still give them enough cash (plus their monthly income) for maybe two years of care for both of them. It's going to be close, I'd say. Though, unless some miracle happens, I really doubt FIL is going to last that long. I can't see the hospital setting up hospice consultation, if he has 2 years left.
So, I'm learning lots about all this process. Be prepared! Take care of your home throughout the years, to maintain it's value, especially if this equity is what you will need to pay for nursing care. Downsize your possessions, as you age, so that it helps make for an easier transition, when you have to move out of your home. Unless you are wealthyGo into assisted living a bit sooner rather than way past time, so you have time to sell your home. I don't think in-laws really realized how not taking care of their home these past years really has affected their equity, come time to sell.