I was reading a text SIL sent DH and another brother. OMG. She acts like since the rehab care center is about ready to discharge MIL (maybe tomorrow), it's their fault she has no care to go home to! They told her she could stay on, but it would be $345 a day, since medicare won't pay for any more days, as her hospital stay issue is cleared up now. Then she said she told them, "well, she doesn't have anyone at her home to care for her, so don't call me to come and pick her up when you are discharging her". OMG! Seriously? Well, then I'm sure they would just keep her there, and be sending MIL/FIL a bill for it. So, why not just arrange for her to stay there, billing FIL/MIL, until FIL is well enough to leave? See what I mean about them all making this harder than it needs to be? She is grown up, intelligent woman, with a 20+ year career. It's not the care facility's fault that medicare only pays for so many days after a hospital visit, it's not their fault FIL/MIL have too much income/savings to qualify for medicaid at this time.
MIL obviously needs full time care. She is in a wheel chair, she is on oxygen, she is half dementia most of the time. She is best when she is with her husband, so why not keep her there and pay for it? Instead they are going to let FIL go home with pneumonia?! If they have to use their savings to pay for it, then so be it. That will be some of their "spend down" so that once it's gone they will qualify for medicaid, which seems to be what they all are most concerned about - they want medicaid to pay for their nursing care and not use their savings for it. Earlier she was trying to figure out things they could use their savings for to "spend it down" so they would qualify. Like they could put a new furnace in their house.
We really don't have much more advice to know to give SIL on all this. I think they are all making it harder than it needs to be. I think there are two issues going on with them. One is they have income and savings, but do not want to use it for medical care. Second is they don't want to leave their home.
When my grandma couldn't take care of herself anymore, she had some
savings. She first hired a woman than came in like 4 hours a day. She cleaned her house, did laundry, made her lunch and a dinner, then went home. When she needed full time care she sold her little mobile home and then had that money too. She
had about enough left in savings for about 2 years of care. She used it all up and
then she went on medicaid. Since in-laws want to stay in their home, and
they want medicaid to pay for their care (rather than use their
savings), then why not do the spend down they are allowed to fix their
house and whatever else they are allowed to spend it down on, and then
have some in-home care through medicaid, rather than going into a
nursing/assisted living facility. But, they don't want in home care either. Not sure what one does when they are fighting the inevitable so hard. It sounds like that a few years ago (before FIL started getting sick) they were planning for all this. They and SIL consulted an attorney who specializes in this and got all the info on what they needed to do, how to spend down, etc. He even had them open separate checking accounts so MIL's smaller social security check would just be in her account and had them put the house just in FIL's name only. But, now that medical issues and care needs are arising it seems no one wants to do what is needed to be done.
It would probably help SIL to break down the issues they/she is dealing with one by one, rather than being overwhelmed by all together.
1) It is now a given that there will be times that FIL is too sick to care for MIL, even if only temporarily. A plan needs to be in place for her care, so when this happens they aren't all in a panic of what to do with her. SIL has a full time job and she does not want either of them to live with her, so obviously other care arrangements need to be made.
2) A plan/agreement between FIL and SIL to either use what income/savings they have for the extra medical care that comes up (like MIL having to get temporary care) or a plan to get the "spend down" done, so that medicaid is in place for these extra medical expenses. If they are going to go the "spend down" route, then do it now, don't keep waiting to see what happens down the road. We all know where the road goes. I would think since they can use the money towards improving their house, they would benefit from some extra comfort knowing their house was maintained and more comfortable to live in.
Well, once I wrote those two things out, that's all I could see that needs to be done. It really doesn't seem insurmountable. Sure, it is not fun at all and is stressful, but the way they have been going about it, to me, just seems like more chaos and stress. I'm a person that likes to have plans in place, not just wing it when it happens. Especially when you know it is going to happen at some point. SIL has had a month to prepare that most likely MIL will be getting released from this rehab before FIL.