Just as SAM commented on my previous post about sending a reply text back, dh was discussing if he should and if so, what to say. So, he typed up something and had me read it. I gave one little tweak and he sent it.
Here is what dh sent (and this included our neighbor down the street, since it was a group text)
don't feel the need to keep apologizing and asking forgiveness before during or after they visit. They have shown this is a place of convenience and a place to let it all out and get it out of their system. That's what humans do and even Montana is not immune from the mindset. We will continue with our quest for peace and privacy in a home we built on the property we pay taxes on, but you'll get no more complaints from the residents at (he inserted our address) Ln. Have a great day
I just had him tweak it by adding the word "keep" to emphasize this is happening repeatedly. I know it's all bothering dh immensely, but I told him I do not care anymore what they think about it or us. They have not shown us any respect for weeks out of every year. So far this year, alone, it has been over 6 weeks of time that they have spent here, acting like that, in addition to having their dogs for a month or two. If they are offended, I could care less anymore. They have made it
completely clear that they would rather just "apologize" and let us get
over it, every time, rather than tell their son and his family that they
should have some respect and consideration for them and their neighbors
while they are visiting. I'm sure dh will also come up with variations he will have wished he sent, LOL.
And I also made the observation to dh, that of course neighbors down at the end aren't going to make any waves or complaints about anything - they don't want any of us complaining that their garage and shop have remained unfinished and un-sided for almost a year now. Basically they have been in "building mode" for 3 years now, with nothing finished. While of course there is a legitimate length of time it takes to get something built around here, this is going beyond what it should, for sure. While the covenants do come out and specifically say how long you should take to build, it does say you can only live in a camper on site during building for 6 months (we all knew that was too short of time for builders around here) and also says something to the effect that everything must match and look presentable type of wording. We're just glad we can't see them from our house and only have to look at it, when we drive by out on the main road.
Obviously our response is not going to change a thing or make anything better, but nothing was going to get changed by them anyway, so we might as well let them know where we stand on this. They can continue doing what they've always been doing when their rude family visits and we can now know we got our message across about it. And the next time bikes and helmets and toys get left at our entrance gates, I'm just going to pick them right up and dump them back at the entrance to their driveway.
That sounded a little friendly and forgiving for what happens over there in the future to me. It sounds like you are okay with all that happens hereafter so they can let it all out. I would dump those bikes and stuff in the ditch. It is obvious they don't care for your feelings and not much for their property either. If you need to get out of your driveway in an emergency, would you have to get out and move their stuff?
ReplyDeleteapparently Mr Neighbor thought it too friendly and forgiving too. The bikes were in the way, one laying in the street, the other laying in front of our gate.
Deleteactually, his reply was more like a smart ass comment that alluded to "if you don't like it we'll just do it more".
DeleteFrankly, I don't think you got your message across at all. If I received that text, I could easily take it to mean you understand the behavior, and won't complain any more. I would have gone with words to the effect of "Enough is enough. You are allowing their visits to disturb our peace, and we resent it." Then again, I despise other people's kids and dogs, (and at times confess to needing a break from my own) so I am a lot less tolerant.
ReplyDeleteI think the neighbours already know it is annoying for one family, they just can't be bothered to care about it, unfortunately.
Deletejj - yes they know it's annoying, otherwise he wouldn't feel the need to warn us they are coming, nor the "apology" after. They just do not care. But, yes, while we feel the anger behind the reply, they don't, nor do they care anyway.
DeleteYupp. The dogs are one thing, the kids and grandkids another. Very sad.
DeleteI agree with others that you basically said it is OK and it is what humans do. They have to read between the lines to determine how unhappy you are. I would also not have said that you will never get complaints from us because now they can act whatever way they want. I think that they need to clearly know what your expectations are about dogs coming in your back yard, dogs barking for extended times and crap being left in front of your driveway. They are so stupid and rude you have to spell it out for them and call them on it when do it. I would spread the toys and bikes across their driveway or just throw them off the side of the road. It will destroy your relationship going forward but it sounds like it is not worth having anyways.
ReplyDeleteya, it's apparent he didn't get the meaning. Or maybe he did. They aren't stupid.
DeleteThey think a warning and an apology covers their actions. I know my children when they were very young would object to discipline, telling me they "said sorry." They just don't get it. Adults are why people are intolerant of dogs and children.
ReplyDeletethat's for sure. Dh was saying same to me. The adults are the problem, not the dogs or the kids.
DeleteI’m missing something, did they respond back to you? Thanks
ReplyDeleteHe did - but just kind of a weird comment that hinted at well, how about I start doing this, too, type of thing.
DeleteIt’s so interesting what some people’s thing is and isn’t. For me I cannot take barking dogs. It’s like nails on a chalkboard!!! The kids no issues ha! I live on the end of culdesac on a river (woods all across) in a housing development. I’m kind of on a point with good fishing. A couple of neighbor kids asked several years ago if they could fish in my backyard I’d said yes and within time it was so funny because kids would come on bikes, dirt bikes and even riding lawn mowers and park out in the turn around and go and fish in my back yard. I have 4 grown kids and 12 grandkids so I thought it was sweet, gave them a nice activity to do. There were a lot in that age group but more so several years ago and it’s dwindling ( I’m sure they’re out driving now!) this summer only a few a few times. I did have to speak with them about picking up after themselves only a couple of times especially fishing line in the grass versus my riding lawn mower. Time spent cutting that out didn’t make me happy ha!
ReplyDeleteit's really just the dogs for us...but when you start piling it on top of that, we reached our limit of their rudeness with son's family. And we live where there is TONS of room to go play. Neighbors have 4 acres and 20 public land on the other side. No reason whatsoever to be using our driveways as your bike/skate park, let alone leaving their toys laying there while they go back home to play with something else.
DeleteHow about running over the crap and then saying oh drat I didn’t see it.
ReplyDeleteit crossed my mind ha! But of course I wouldn't. I'm so dang "concerned" for their peace and quiet that I realized last evening that when I take our dog outside for an evening pee, I always head out to the side of the house opposite them. Why? Because I know seeing/hearing my dog on the side they can see him, will start their 3 dogs barking and I know they go to bed really super early or might just be relaxing and didn't want to disturb them!
DeleteTry walking where their dogs will see you and start barking. If they are woken up by their dogs barking they won’t realize you are the cause. They will see how annoying it is.
DeleteKaren, after I realized I have been doing this to be so considerate of them, I'm not anymore. I have no problem when their dogs bark a few times because they see activity over here or bark because someone pulled into our street.But, when they are home we notice they do. they will open the door and tell the dogs to stop barking. That's why I have always tried to just walk our dog on the other side, so as not to disturb their evening. Why should I anymore? We certainly don't get even close to the same consideration back towards us.
DeleteCan't wait to see how this ends, I hope they block your numbers - you all don't seem to get along with anyone.
ReplyDeleteDo you enjoy listening to 5 dogs bark for 4 hours straight?
DeleteI think the above anonymous commenter is one of your neighbors or their son and dil. I think your DH's message is not strong enough but, then, he is a kind man. I would've worded my message very differently. Enough is enough.
ReplyDeleteyes, that's the problem. He's very kind and doesn't want to offend, yet wants them to know we're tired of this for weeks every year. But, sadly, I think even if it was worded strongly and different, they aren't going to change.
DeleteIt's a fine line between being blunt and having to live next door to someone. I wish you luck with them....they sounds horrible. One of the main reasons we moved was the obnoxious and aggressive neighbor across the street. They have eight grown kids and one or the other was always moving in and out or visiting - with dogs, kids, and ATV's running up and down their property across from us. Loud music in their cars, etc. We don't miss them at all. Of course, we didn't build our dream home near them. I feel for you. And I agree with others about moving their junk out of your driveway. That's really rude of them.
ReplyDeleteIt's a very fine line, and especially as when their obnoxious son and family isn't there, they are very nice and quiet respectful neighbors.
DeleteI don't think the tone of the text is quite what I meant. I think they will take it as the hated phrase, live and let live! Tone and frustration was missing from the text. Next time a bike is left at the end of the drive way, I too would not run over, but I would bring to their door step, ring the dorr bell, have them come, and walk away with no words spoken, which could be deafening.
ReplyDeleteI agree. oh well, at the time dh typed it out we both knew where we were coming from with all this so it made sense to us. I guess now they can wonder why the cold shoulders and there will be a next time with all this, that's a guarantee. I don't even think dh has been over their kennel fence since they left to do his daily dog hello's and daily treats (neighbors know he does this, he asked long ago if it was ok to give them a milkbone or beggin strip treat when he went over to say hello and give scratches through the fence).
DeleteWell you guys have tried getting your point across nicely. And Mr. Neighbor responded like the Ahole he appears to be in a mocking fashion.
ReplyDeleteYou can't change "stupid".
Gosh, we have tried above and beyond to be nice, but like you said, his reply was mocking. DH said even if he would have just replied something like "We're really sorry, they are all really a handful for us to deal with", while we know it's not going to change, at least that kind of reply wouldn't have been smart ass.
Delete