Yesterday turned into a bit stressful with my mom. She called me 3 times and was more confused each time. The first call in the morning was something with her computer. She didn't recognize the screen she was on (just the normal Windows home screen). Then she called me after lunch that she got back to her room and her door was unlocked (she's always pretty obsessive about making sure her door is locked) so she doesn't know if she left it unlocked or what, but she checked her wallet (which she couldn't remember what it was called) and she has 2 credit cards, right? Yes, so all was fine there.
Then she calls me at 4:30 and I didn't know what she was talking about. Something about the cleaning lady had her sign something and now she's worried she's gotten into her accounts. Back and forth me trying to figure out what she is talking about. What did you sign? So, what I ended up figuring out (I think!) is that mom isn't comfortable with the cleaning lady and told the apartment she doesn't want her coming to clean anymore (omg). I asked if they are having someone else do it instead? So it sounds like they must have had her sign some kind of waiver that she doesn't want them providing housekeeping service anymore! I said well, you have to have your apartment cleaned, it's part of what you pay in rent, as well as them washing your towels (they provide 2 sets) and sheets. I said (again, just as a reminder to her) that she is responsible for washing her own clothes. She was still so confused. Saying something about paying extra for that and the laundry being downstairs and needing quarters. I said no, there is a laundry room just down the hall from you. It's free for you to use. She really didn't know what I was talking about. I said just down the hall, at the corner is the laundry room with 2 washing machines and 2 dryers, we've used them together several times. She said "is this new?". I told her she has to have her towels and sheets washed. She said her usual "well, I wash stuff in the sink". I said you can't wash and dry towels in your sink!
After I hung up, I thought I wonder if she's missed taking her meds? She is so confused today. Me calling her every morning to remind her isn't working as she just always says "oh yes, I took them". So, I called her back and said mom, I need you to go look at your pillbox for me and tell me if Tuesday morning is empty. She said "Monday and Tuesday are still there". Sigh......I said ok, I need you to go ahead and take the Tuesday morning ones right now. She pulls them out and says there are only 3 (she did know there are supposed to be 4). We spent 20 minutes trying to figure out which was missing. Hard to do when she's trying to describe by colors, she hardly remembers the names for, etc. Finally, I said, just take one of each out of your bottles and take them. Finally done. Tracking is showing the new pill dispenser will be here tomorrow. Obviously me calling to remind her, as well as that alarm going off at 9:15 every morning to remind her isn't working.
And back to her housekeeping - I will be calling her apartment place this morning to figure out what is going on with that. She's just going to have to let them in to clean regularly, that's all there is too it. I'm also giving a call to the lady I was given her ph# for helping with her personal laundry and see if she is still working for people there. Her wearing of her clothing (and I've now come the realization she wears her same pair of jeans every single day. I did not wash them when I did all her laundry a couple weeks ago) and when I was there last Friday there were no pants in her hamper. This just isn't working anymore.
Her constant fear of someone taking things from her room will just have to be overridden with getting this stuff done. She was like I think she might be in my accounts, can you look and see if there is any money missing?" I said I look at it every day and it's all good. I said I have your checks, so no one can steal those and your bank accounts and credit/debit cards have fraud alerts and protections. (Not to mention I have her with Lifelock).
I didn't attempt to make sure she had the rest of her pill box filled up for this week. She was just too out of it and overwhelmed yesterday. I'm going to call her at 9am and take whatever time I need to talk her through getting it filled up for the rest of this week. And hopefully by next week we are using the new medication dispensing system with success.
I'm not ready for today, LOL.
oh gosh, my heart goes out to you. definitely glad you are able to reinstate the clothes washing etc, and hopefully someone coming in will become a normal pattern for her
ReplyDeleteOh my this is not good. I know it's a common belief that workers are stealing from retirement homes, assisted living, nursing homes etc., the residents are very vulnerable.
ReplyDeleteI hope the system you bought will solve the pill issue. That would be a huge relief for you.
I’m sorry. It is painful for our parents to feel like they no longer have any autonomy or privacy, even though it’s for their own safety. After $200 in cash and various small items « disappeared » from my Mom’s room we installed small motion sensor cameras. And employees were indeed rifling through her drawers and cupboards.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if your mother's facility has a memory care unit. That may be the way to go. Yes,it would cost more, but her money is for her care first of all.
ReplyDeleteCan you install Ring csmeras? We hsve them all over the place at my mom's house. We have one watching the tin building, one watching the detached garage, one is on the front porch(the one that acts as doorbell) and there are cameras in the livimg room, sitting room, kitchen and bedroom. The xameras are about the size of a pop xsn, maybe smaller. They can be moved around. They come with a charging unit and the battery lasts quite a long time if you don't watch Live View constantly. Myself and my 3 sisters can all check on mom during the day when someone is not there. It slso prevents us from talking about each other. lol.
ReplyDeleteI guess because I’m a RN and do home care this just seems so wrong, your mom has not been taking her medications regularly and right for ? More than a year, it’s not just that she maybe doesn’t take her meds but do you realize what could happen if she over takes her medication? The nurse in me doesn’t get this, she has the money. She is not doing her laundry, doing her ADL’s (bathing dressing, grooming …. And her memory is declining (it is not going to get better). I know she doesn’t want help but that is so the norm! The maybe the med box will work won’t solve everything else. A routine of someone interacting with her every day would get to be her new normal and give her safe support.
ReplyDeleteMy grandmother was very fearful of people, especially men. It hurts me to see your mother so fearful. Really, before you call anyone about people stealing, I would get the motion sensor cameras and see if anything is happening. It looks like it is time to have some more help with her. I would be sick to know my mother had so many fears. It looks like someone does need to wash all her clothing. It is sad. At least you figured out she has not been taking meds. What is the name of the med? Just curious.
ReplyDeleteNo one is stealing, she is just worried they will. I'm not calling about that or accusing of stealing. I was just trying to figure out what she signed regarding her housekeeping. It turns out it was her daily vitamin that was missing.
DeleteOh the poor lady (and poor you). That must be very distressing for both of you. My dad had Alzheimer's and was CONVINCED my brother-in-law was stealing from him! Now my other BIL maybe (but he lives in Denmark) but this BIL - absolutely not. How sad it is for them to be so paranoid (but I'm sure the home is used to these accusations too)!
ReplyDeleteit sounds like they are very used to it.
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