I'm rarely EVER a crier when it comes to an argument with DH (but I can tear up at a stupid sappy commercial, no problem). Just too many years of dealing with him to let it get to me like that anymore. Basically (especially, during the really bad years around 15-20 years ago) I've built a wall up dealing with his crap, when it comes around.
But, for some reason his bitching at me today just hit a nerve. I am so tired of being wrong and always at fault whenever he thinks he has been "so wronged". I think I got teary eyed because it was SO STUPID. I just give up.
I make his breakfast in the mornings. It's almost always an egg sandwich (like an egg mcmuffin). I've been making him this for like over 20 years. But, some morning's he says he doesn't want anything or he wants cereal or toast (not often), so I usually wait until he gets up to ask him what he wants, and then I go make it. I usually always make his lunch, too (at lunch time, whenever he says he's ready for lunch). A sandwich with some chips. No biggie. It literally takes me like 2-3 minutes. If his egg sandwich sits in the foil for awhile after I make it, he likes it best. Plus, he also recently realized if his lunch sandwich has also been pre-made earlier, he likes it better too. Ok, no biggie. So, for about the past 10 days or so, I've been making his egg sandwich (I guess whether he wants one or not) before he gets up. He's usually up between 8:30 and 9am. He rarely gets up before then. While I'm up around 7:15, I don't usually make the egg sandwich (and his lunch now, at same time) until around 8am.
Yesterday he got up early, like 7:30, so of course I hadn't made it yet, and I went right out and made it for him. I did not make his lunch this time. Why? Because we were supposed to go meet the builder for lunch. Seems logical to me. Finally around 12:30 yesterday we came to the conclusion we weren't meeting with him, so I made DH some lunch.
This morning he gets up at 7:45. Again, before I got his breakfast made. He came in to sit at his computer (next to mine) and I said "you're up early again" and he said it was because he was feeling sick to his stomach. I finished a few minutes of work and then asked him if he'd like me to make him anything for breakfast (I wasn't sure, since he was feeling sick-ish) and he said no. I spaced it out about getting his sandwich made early, so it had time to sit for awhile before lunch. I just kept working at my desk.
Around 11am (I think it was even earlier than that) he was of course hungry and as he was getting out of his desk chair he said "is it time for lunch yet?"I said "oh ya!, I forgot to make your sandwich, since I didn't make you breakfast this morning" as he's walking out of the room. I was about to get up and go make him lunch and it totally sounded to me like he went into the kitchen and was making his lunch (which he will do sometimes). Ok, he's making his own lunch today, so I'm going to keep on working.
Some time passed. I have no idea how long, as I was deep in work mode. It could have been 10 minutes or 30 minutes. He walked back in and asked me to scan a piece of paper. I scanned it, handed him back the original and was in the process of getting the copy to the printer and he walked back to the dining room (where he works on house plan stuff) and 30 seconds later I walked out with his copy and laid it on the table. I wasn't paying attention to whether he had a sandwich sitting on the table or not (he's got papers, etc all over). I just laid it on the corner and went back to work at my desk.
A bit after that he comes back in my office and asks for some lunch. I innocently and in no way was I being rude or anything said "oh! I thought you already made yourself lunch!" and I started to get up to go into the kitchen. He threw a fit! No, he didn't make his lunch! Didn't I see that he didn't have a lunch sitting there when I brought out the copy to him? Just never mind. he'll make it himself if it's so much trouble for me. On and on.
OMG! I said I'm sorry. I thought I heard you in the kitchen making lunch earlier. Since I didn't make you breakfast, I forgot about making your sandwich earlier this morning (plus it's kind of a new routine for me). He then says "what was your excuse for not making any of it yesterday?" I replied that I didn't make him a lunch because we were supposed to go out for lunch! Then he says something about that I didn't make his egg sandwich either. I said yes I did. No, I did not make it early, before you got up, because I wasn't expecting you to get up at 7:30 and I usually don't make it all until 8am, but as soon as you got up I made your egg sandwich.
His reply was that I was just making excuses. Everybody treats him like crap, doesn't listen to him, blah blah blah, including me. I again tried to explain that I truly thought I heard him in the kitchen making himself lunch. Nope, not good enough. I should have seen he wasn't eating lunch when I put the copy of the table.
I'm not writing this for advice (I'm pretty much beyond any advice with him after 32 years of marriage), or sympathy, or telling me I'm wrong. I just found it strange that I cried! I can't tell you the last time he made my cry. Probably over 20 years ago. Maybe it's just my menopausal hormones kicking in. Part of me just wanted to really come unglued on him, but I didn't. It just makes things way worse. It's easier overall to just keep my mouth shut and ignore him and I shouldn't have even given him the little bit of answer that I did. But guess, what? Tomorrow and every day after that, I'll be making his egg sandwich and lunch sandwich as soon as I get up now. And I'm making him a lunch tomorrow.....even though we're supposed to meet the builder for lunch at noon. What do you want to make a bet he'll say "why'd you make me a lunch? we're eating out".