Have you ever thought you were trying to help and then realized you were just making it worse? Oh my goodness, we (DD and I) helped turn yesterday into a fiasco.
I had talked to my mom twice yesterday morning. She sounded really good. She said she was going to go over to the vehicle license office after lunch. It's literally a half a mile from her apartment and next door to her store/bank. She's very familiar with the area. Here's what we thought was happening:
DS's part time job happens to be in a store in that same shopping center. He saw grandma walking by and went out the door of the store to call her over and say hello. Apparently he thought she seemed confused and didn't know where she was going or what she was doing. He offered to help but she said no, she's ok. She left and he promptly texted DD this info and that maybe she shouldn't be driving. DD texted me. We thought she must be headed back to her apartment (where else would she go?) so DD waited about 15 minutes and called her (I was waiting on a work meeting call so I couldn't do it right then and DD has just gotten off work). She said she was lost. Oh no, how did she get lost a half a mile from her apartment? She must be really confused and out of it. DD was trying to get her to tell her where she was - a street or a business sign. Then she told DD there was only houses around so she was turning back from where she came and would call DD back. She called DD back about 10 minutes later and said she was at a gas station and they have given her good directions. Ok. So dd waited like 15-20 minutes and called her again, hoping she was home now. She tells DD she's over at an Albertson's store on Pacific. DD panics. OMG, she's now like 4 miles from her house. By then it's getting to be like 3:15. It starts getting dark like after 4pm. DD is stressing out completely trying to figure out exactly where she is and trying to look on google map of streets and get her home. I'm about to call the local police to help her. Then my mom says to her "well, I'm here at Albertson's I might as well go in and get my tabs". By then DD thought to herself "grandma has lost it. Thinks she can do her tabs in Albertsons!" She tells her no, lets just get you back home before it gets dark and manages to route her home safe and sound.
After my mom was home a bit, I called her and realized here's what really happened:
My mom went over the the licensing office. Tried to get her over a year expired tabs renewed and apparently they wouldn't/couldn't take a credit card payment and she had no checks, because she had written her last check out on Saturday to my uncle as a xmas gift, while we were having breakfast with him. They told her she could go to the next nearest office and they take credit card and gave her directions. So, as she's leaving is when DS saw her and talked to her. She was probably a bit confused (mostly she just forgets what she just said or thinks she already said it), but mostly she probably said she didn't know where she was going because she hadn't been there before and was going to try to find it. (she just left out the part of what she needed to do) Then she started driving there and got lost. That's when DD called. She got back to a gas station and asked for directions....but not back to her apartment, as DD assumed, no she was getting directions to that other licensing office! So, when she called DD back, that's why she was 4 miles from home. And guess what, inside that store is a licensing office! OMG!
So, if DS wouldn't have ran into her and DD hadn't called her (when she was lost) it probably would have all ended up just fine. Yes, she did miss a street and have to turn around, but she then went to the gas station, got directions to the other licensing office and made it there after that and most likely would have asked them for directions back to the road straight to her house (one street down) and would have been all just fine, but DD got her and herself all stressed out, thinking grandma kept getting lost trying to get back home when she wasn't trying to go back home. Oh man. We should have just stayed out of it! But we're so over worried about her that we overreacted....probably much like her BF has been the past couple of months, eh? But, ya, she really shouldn't be driving. She is ok going the half mile to the store and the bank and gas station there. That's it. Anything else and she will get lost, because she's not familiar enough with the area and that's what I have to keep reminding her. Most of the time she has no desire to go out and drive anywhere at all. The only reason she does is if she feels like she "has" to, like she felt like she had to go see BF and she needed to get her tabs renewed. We had felt it was ok for her to drive over to get her tabs renewed, since she knows how to get there and back, no problem. Never dreamed they'd try to send her to a different office!
She needs a gps or a phone that has one built in.
ReplyDeleteshe would have no clue how to use a smart phone so she wouldn't be able to figure out how to get the address in there to give her directions. But, the gps would be good for us to know where she is. We just have been letting her keep her old flip phone because both dd and I know a smart phone will just be a headache she can't figure out how to use.
DeleteI have an app on my phone so that my kids can see where I am. It does require a smart phone.
DeleteI would check out a regular Garmin GPS. So easy,big screen and can be programmed very loud. It has a house sign for home, and she could be instructed if she got lost, plug it in, push the home button then go and no matter if she got confused, turned wrong etc. it will redirect her home! I hate using my phone, too hard to see, hear, navigate. Mine is funny it'll even say "turn right at the big red house!" I remember this while almost getting lost going downtown to a hospital I'd never been near.
DeleteI just read about an app that will coordinate where the phone is and how close to parent's phone. It does require a smart phone or android. I had my flip phone AND an Android because I wanted apps but the flip for making phone calls. I am sure you all can figure out something for her even if it just means having two phones. Maybe some sort of watch-like contraption would work. Actually, in this case, she was the only one who knew what was happening. But, I can understand the panic you had.
ReplyDeleteWe both just know she won't be able to figure out a new smart phone and you are right - she was the only one who knew what was going on, haha.
DeleteAll's well that ends well. But, maybe, next time there is something that needs doing, have your DD accompany your mom. I am always getting lost, unless I know exactly where I am going!
ReplyDeleteDD lives an hour and a half away from her, on a good day. usually it's at least 2 hours in most traffic days. Another reason we either want to get her moved by me or by DD, so that we can be closer to help her.
DeleteI know a smart phone would be the solution most people think of, but DD and I both know that it would just create more problems than it would solve. She has a terrible time with technology and now with her memory/short term forgetfulness there is really no way for her to learn anything new.
ReplyDeleteI hear you and understand about the smart phone issue. Until you are dealing with diminishing cognitive skills you don't realize how the simplest solutions are not a solution at all. It would be easier for me to jump over the moon than to teach Mom how to use a smart phone app.
ReplyDeleteexactly! when the other week she mentioned she looked online to see the map to BF's care home, I was surprised and then she mentioned printing them out. We found the piece of paper in her car when we were trying to get to his place...she had DRAWN the map out from her place to his, rather than just printing it out from her computer.
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