Help

I have always been an optimistic type of personality. When something negative or bad happens I do not dwell on it at all. I do my best to accept it and move on. Sometimes moving on just means trying not to think very much about what happened (usually what I do) and I can do that. I can tell myself there is nothing I can do and I did all I could do, etc and move on.

But, for some reason, since this episode Friday with that bank mortgage lady, I cannot stop thinking about it! It's like my brain has gotten stuck in this continuous loop and won't get off this track. I replay the whole past 4 months of conversations and communications with her over and over, trying to see where I might have dropped the ball on all this or didn't communicate properly. It's pretty much all I have thought about since I hung up the phone with her. I can't seem to not think about it. I don't know what to do - it's such a weird feeling to me. Like I said, I have never been like this with anything before.  I guess I now have a peek into what it's like to live in my husband's brain and I've always said it must be exhausting to live in his head.

Since the end of the day Friday I have felt like I got run over by a truck. Completely wiped out. I have tried to get lots of sleep this weekend, hoping that would "break" this loop going on inside my head. I read a book. DD spent the day with us yesterday. Even that didn't help. I can't seem to get past it and move on. I am hoping a long talk with my boss about it when I get to work this morning will help jar me out of it. Maybe she can give me some insight as to where I supposedly went wrong, because it's certainly not going to do me any good trying to get that answer out of the mortgage lady - as soon as I tried to question her her story started changing and you can't argue or get truthful information from someone who is changing the facts of a story.

Maybe if I type it all out, I will see the answer or someone else will see it. Sorry to dwell on this. Like I said - this is so NOT me!  Here is the timeline and info:

February - my boss refers me to her. Turns out she's with the same bank we have our HELOC with (lots of branches around the area). I call her up and we have a long conversation that first call. The first thing I tell her is about our bankruptcy in 2010, because I wasn't sure if that would be a problem in obtaining financing for a new mortgage. She assures me enough time has passed. I give her a quick summary of my income, no other debts, keeping job, etc. Then I tell her we have been looking at homes online, just to get an idea of what is over there and how they are priced. I said we aren't seeing a lot that fits our needs of also wanting a shop and we are also considering building a home and shop. She then tells me all about how the construction loans and end loan process works. (I took lots of notes). I then said we were going to make a trip over there in March sometime to look around. So, lets see what we are pre-approved for, so that we'll know what price range to look in. I send her all my financial docs and the week before we head over there she tells me we are pre-approved and how much. If our realtor over there (referred to by her) needs a letter from her, let her know. I said, we're just looking this weekend, won't be making an offer on anything.

March - we make the trip and spend 4 days over there looking all around. Look at a few homes and some properties. Find this property on the river we really liked. Talked with a builder about building on it. Came home and the next day I emailed the lender to let her know we decided to build and that we were going to talk with some builders to see if with the price of the land and cost to build a home would fit into what our budget/pre-approval is. At some point in the next week or two I had a phone call with her. I had more specific questions about the construction loan process and did she need anything from us or could we just make an offer on the land. At this call was when she told me once they had the builders plans and cost reports (and she warned me builders are slow about it) it would then take them 45 days to process the loan.

Three weeks later we make another trip over there to meet in person with the builder our friends used last year to build their home. We came home and that Monday I told our realtor we were ready make an offer on the land. I emailed the lender that this is what we were doing, where it was, etc., and let her know we were having the plans done up and the builder was working on his cost breakdowns for the house and shop. I also told her we'd be listing our house in 2 weeks.

End of April we listed our house. Ten minutes after the listing went live, I emailed her that we listed it and included a link to our listing and told her our realtor was going to try to first see if she could price it at getting any developers interested.  Three weeks later we re-priced it to sell as a residential home and I emailed her that info.

12 days later we accepted an offer on our home (Memorial Day weekend). Tuesday I emailed her that we accepted an offer on selling our house and that we should have the builder's costs reports any day now. The following Monday I emailed her the cost breakdown reports as well as the plans for the house and shop. They were higher than we were originally approved for, so I needed to know if we could go any higher or  needed to make some adjustments. I spent 2 days trying to get a hold of her. Wednesday (week before last) she calls me up and says "I have good news and bad news, which do you want first?" I say give me the bad and she says "we realize your building spot is 80 miles outside our construction area and we can't do the loan for you" I said what's the good news?  "The good news is you were approved for the higher amount" I said how is that good news if we don't have a loan? She said "well, that just means you shouldn't have any problems finding a lender. We approved you and we all use the same guidelines and ratios, etc".

So, I spent the last 10 days talking to a bunch of local lenders in the area. I also called this original lady up and kind of told her I wasn't very happy with her. That if I had known we didn't have financing I wouldn't have even listed my house for sale, let alone accepted an offer! She offers to call some lenders over there and see what she can help figure out.

Wednesday night I was looking at her bank online and see "locations": Oregon, Washington, Nevada and Idaho". Hmmm...the Idaho branch is closer than the one she told me they were using to calculate the distance. So, I called her up again. I said this branch is 33 miles closer, so it's really 50 miles we are outside of the area. She says, no - it's 150 miles away. Turns out they were using a city 50 miles farther from our property in her calculating. I said no, we are 50 miles from there and she got a bit snippy and said "well, I don't know where you will be living! We just used that city because you said that's the area you were living". I said, so then really, we are like 30 miles outside the area - is there any way we can get an exception? She's says she'll check into it.

Two hours later emails me she might have a different "Fannie Mae construction loan product" that might work for us, but it doesn't start until July 1 and she doesn't really know much about it and has some calls in about it.

Friday I email her and ask if she has any update for me. Three hours later she calls me to let me know she's referred me to yet another lender, because that new Fannie Mae Construction loan product won't work with our time crunch we are now in. I say, well, what about the 30 miles, you can't get an exception for the loan we were already approved for? and she says "Oh, the 30 miles isn't the problem, I can get exceptions for that, the problem is we can't do a construction loan with a bankruptcy".

At that point I was flabbergasted. I said "what do you mean? you just told me last week were were approved for the even higher amount1?" She was silent for a second and then says "well, when you first came to me you were going to buy a house, not build, so that's what I pre-approved you on and I wasn't sure what you were doing, so I never updated my system"

Umm....let's see.....first conversation was we had a BK. We were considering both buying and building. Third conversation - we are buying land building.  Fourth conversation - more info on construction/end loan process, timeline, etc. Fifth conversation - here's our house and shop plans and cost breakdowns, that she said we were approved for!

What the heck am I missing in all this? because honestly, I think I'm about to go nuts :/