On my last post several commenters said how I should be proud of my daughter. I am so proud of her! We have always been very proud of both our children and have never neglected to tell them so. Which brings me to my question, because now, according to my son (he's getting this from the people he thinks are his new life/family) you are not supposed to tell someone you are proud of them. That is taking away their ownership of their accomplishment. You are supposed to tell them "You should be proud of yourself". Huh? Am I missing something here?
For me, my daughter hit the nail on the head: she said I don't need/want you to tell me how I should feel, I want to know how YOU feel.
In my culture they say "do not praise yourself or be proud, let others appreciate you". There is nothing more valuable than having your parents tell you how proud they are of your accomplishments. I am 47 and few weeks ago, as I was driving during our mini vacation mom said "I am so happy, this is so nice..." That remark made my day and then some. I am sure your son will find your way back to your lives and appreciate your values and your parenthood. Love your daughter! What a level-headed young person!
ReplyDeleteI agree. My son was never the type to brag and was always very humble, but I think we had the right to be proud and brag once in awhile.
DeleteI think we need to tell our children and our friends when we are proud of them. Our children need to be told that they are good, did good, etc. We need to build positive healthy self-esteem in our children. Part of building that healthy self-esteem is we also correct them if they did something wrong, hurt someone, etc. Our children need to know we see worth in them.
ReplyDeleteHow can acknowledging someone's achievement diminish that achievement unless you use the word "but" (ie You did a good deed BUT...). Yes, that has been done a few times to me. I think your son's friends are spouting some new pyscho babble.
I said the same thing - psycho babble. I have no idea how that can diminish accomplishments. It should only add to it.
DeleteThanks for commenting!
I don't think there is anything wrong with giving well-deserved praises. You should definitely be proud of your daughter. You raised her right!
ReplyDeleteThank you - she is a gem, that's for sure.
DeleteDon't agree with the "new friends" at all. I think a parent has every right to be proud of their children and to tell them so. You (parents) played a big role in guiding your children through life and into the young adults they are today, and I think it's OK to give yourself some of that credit for that. Parenting isn't easy, and to raise good, thoughtful, kind & considerate kids in this world is definitely something to be proud of as a parent. You certainly have every reason to be proud!! :-) Your daughter sounds like an amazing young lady! BE PROUD, MAMA!!!
ReplyDeleteYep, these new "friends" (who by the way didn't make their marriages work, nor raise their own kids because they were too busy being substance abusers while their kids were growing up) aren't going to tell me how to parent. I think we did a pretty damn good job!
DeleteSad that your son is so hurtful towards you based on the convenience and proximity of those he is presently hanging out with up north. You have every right to be proud of your amazing daughter and to tell her so. Same with your son, when it was appropriate. None of us live our lives sealed in a vacuum and she has done as well and progressed this far based on your guidance and influence. While I do agree that telling others they should be proud of themselves is appropriate as well, saying YOU are proud of them takes nothing away from their accomplishments. Such a crock!
ReplyDeleteI have mentioned this to just about everyone I talk to and everyone thinks it's a crock too!
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ReplyDeleteThanks.