Sunday, June 26, 2022

Tough love

Oh Good Lord! So at about 6:15 last evening Liz stops by to make sure my mom gets her pills. I listen in on the camera for a couple minutes. Liz was just nicely chatting with her. Asked her if she was ok showering and getting showers (of course she said yes). Liz said most all the residents use a shower chair, she might like one of those to make it easier. Mom said no, she didn't think so. Then Liz got her pill button pushed and gave her the pills to take and said goodbye.

A few minutes later I get a call:

Mom: how much am I paying this lady? I don't need her to remind me to take my medications.

I said, well, I'm sorry but you're going to have to have her. I said she's very reasonably priced at $25/hr and she only charges for the time she's there (ok it's really 15 minute charge, but close enough) so it'll be like $5. 

Mom: Well, I can just do it myself. I can write myself a big note to remind me to take them.

I said mom, we have been trying that for a long time now and it doesn't work for you anymore. You forget to look at the note. I said there is a note taped to your pill machine and a note on your refrigerator. I said your pill machine actually TELLS you when it's time and you still get confused and think it's the phone ringing, or you get the pills out and then set them down and forget to take them.

She still tried to argue with me a bit and I said it's either use her or move into assisted living and assisted living is going to cost you thousands more, not a few hundred more per month! Again she brought up how much she is paying her. Then she says "well, I'll be surprised if that's all she charges me, but I guess I'll see how much when it comes out of my account". LOL!! I wanted to say, the account you have not looked at in 18 months now? LOL.

Then I said I have been having to call to make sure you get them at 6:30 and some evenings I can't always do it at that time and this way it gives me peace of mind that I know Liz was there and you for sure got your pills. I said I'm going to be on vacation next week and won't be able to make sure you got your pills for 2 of the evenings. So, then she said she guesses she will just have to get used to her. I said it's just for a few minutes. I said a lot of the people that live there use her to help them with things like this. "oh I guess so". If she brings up the cost and that she doesn't want to pay for it, then I'm just going to tell mom, well then I'll just have to pay for it!

Then she calls me again shortly after and says "now what time did you say she is coming tomorrow? around 6, I say. Oh, because I wanted to take a shower when I get up (see...Liz had put showering into her head, haha) and didn't want to miss taking my pills when she comes. I said no, 6 in the evening. You take your pills in the evening. She says "oh, I thought I took some in the morning". Boy, the real me wanted to say to her "don't you think the fact the fact that 1) you don't know what time of day you are supposed to take your pills and 2) you don't even know WHAT pills you take is the reason we need someone helping you?! LOL  Then she says again that she wants to take a shower and wash her hair in the morning so she's getting up around 6.

She got up at 7:15 this morning to go to the bathroom and went back to bed - exactly why we need Liz ;) I'll bet if I call her after she has her breakfast (they are delivering meals this week) she will either say "oh yes I did, or say I'm going to do that".

I'm not good at fibbing. Well, I can do it, but I'm not good at thinking of the fib when I wasn't expecting it. After sleeping on it, if mom brings up how much is she having to pay this lady again I'm just going to say it's covered under her insurance. Not that it will make her want someone helping her any more, but it will put the reason out of her "argument" that she doesn't want to spend her money on it.

Dh had texted our retired friend who often stops by, that our pup passed on. He always brought a treat when he comes. He stopped by yesterday for a visit and to say how sorry he was. He has a dog, so dh asked if he'd like our almost 2 bags of kibble and he took it, so that was good to find someone to take all that.

DD just texted and is on her way, so she should be here around 2:30 or so. It's  beautiful sunny day, to be in the mid 80's. I'm going to get the floors mopped while dh will be outside mowing. And get packed. I haven't even thought of packing yet, haha. It's only for a few nights, so really don't need much.


  1. You'll find this transitionary period frustrating and tiring as your mother changes gear into her new routine with a new person.
    At the moment she's resisting change because it is new and in her mind inexplicable. But gradually she will forget how it used to be and I can see her telling you, in a few months time, what a good idea - of hers! - it was to employ Liz !!
    Have a wonderful lovely break. Well deserved.xx

    1. I hope so. The sad part is as soon as she adjust to this new thing, something new will come up to figure out/deal with. It's a sad disease.

  2. It sounds like she is stressing about money (quite common I hear), even though she sounds like she has plenty. I think it's a good idea to tell her the insurance are paying for it!

    1. she has pretty much started worrying about everything since she started that new medication. I'm going to discontinue and remove it from her dispenser next week, after I get back from our trip. Dr. ok'd taking her off of it. She has plenty of money to afford it.

  3. Have a safe trip & relax!! :)

  4. Hopefully her confusion passes quickly, but this week off could not have come at a better time!!

  5. I would say her worrying about everything is good. You really don't won't her oblivious to everything in her life. Normal for all of us is taking control and worrying. When my grandmother quit worrying about things and not fretting, she just did not know what was happening in the world.