SIL sent DH a message that on Monday she went by herself and checked out a retirement community. She said it was nice and parents could afford the base rent and to pay for some extra services they'd need help with. She then went and told parents about it and of course, just as I figured, FIL is back to his usual "oh, we'll be fine, it will get better for us" routine. She spent most of the day at their house trying to get them to make a plan, but no luck. Like she said, she can't physically drag them out of the house. She even called her dad the next day to ask him to go look at the place with her, but he wouldn't go. I'm sure she is beyond frustrated. I just sent her a message, mostly just trying to give her some moral support. I kind of know what she is going through, as my mom went through it with my grandma, who was so stubborn about it all. But, since it was only one parents mom had to deal with, Grandma really didn't have much choice.
I've suggested AGAIN to SIL about at least getting someone to come in daily and help with some things for a few hours. That's what we first did with my Grandma. Had a lady come in like 4 hours a day or so. She helped her bathe, cleaned house, laundry, and made her a meal. When she needed more help than that is when my mom made her go into assisted living. Which, by the way, was such a nice place! She absolutely hated it and was only there not even a month. She had her own little studio apartment, bathroom, little kitchen. She absolutely hated it and was only there not even a month. So, she had to go somewhere, so my mom found an in-home type care place. I hated it! LOL. Why anyone would want that over the first place, I have no idea. She was there several months, but my mom just didn't really care for the lady that ran the house much. My grandma really seemed to like one of her nurses, who worked there, a lot, and then the nurse decided to open her own home care place, so my mom moved her there and that's where she was for almost 2 years, until she died. I never did feel comfortable going there to visit her. I guess it's because it's in someone's home.
SIL just messaged me back that she'd like to call me this afternoon and talk about it. I figured she could use an ear to vent, at least.
Somehow I missed a work call just a bit ago and it was in voicemail. Then an email went out to everyone that our phone system is glitching and calls are going straight to voicemails. Ok, well, that explains that then. Apparently one of our manufacturer's wants to set up paying us via ACH. But it's through a 3rd party contacting me to set it up. Well, I'm not giving out our banking info until I confirm with our mfg. that is really them haha! Too much scams going on in this world. I'm sure it's legit, but better safe than sorry.
A friend was able to get her mom and stepdad top go to a place where she told them that they were invited for a free meal! They agreed to go and ended up touring the place and ended up moving there. FREE seems to be a magic word! Best of luck with this journey.
ReplyDeleteyour friend was lucky! I don't think that would work with my inlaws.
DeleteInvite a welfare worker to visit the home and the determination will be made as to whether they can handle living alone. If someone else turns them in, they will fare worse than if you ask for an opinion. One slip or fall or medical problem could put it all out of their control.
ReplyDeleteTry hiring someone to come in everyday for 8 hours in order to get a meal made, bathing, cleaning, and getting her into bed. That is a lot cheaper than them going somewhere. Did you say he has to carry her to the bathroom? If so, a bedside commode could make that easier.
I don't envy you or them this decision and problem.
Since SIL is basically the one in charge of them, it will have to be up to her, at this point. She is working on hiring someone to come in and help. She did say the next hospital admittance she will be pushing for them to only release her to a nursing home and not to home.
DeleteIt is a tough situation. I would be afraid that one of them woud fall and break something. At that age, that might make them permanently bedridden. Good Luck convincing them. My BIL is going through something like that too. His father is a very stubborn man.
ReplyDeleteMIL is almost bedridden. She can't walk anywhere now and has to be carried to her recliner to sit in all day :(
DeleteI did not have to deal with the out of house issues because my parents lived mostly self sufficiently until they passed away. They were brave, smart, whatever the word is and chose to move to a single level nice town house almost a decade before their more severe health issues took over. My mother in law is a busy and active 77 year old-travels, busy all the time. Still, she is in a town house that while the outside is taken care of through the association, inside is so big and we are starting to worry it is just too big for her to take care of. She spends a day at home cleaning and then is exhausted. You sound like a great sounding board for your SIL.
ReplyDeleteyou parents were smart and brave! My mom will be ok for awhile I think - she's in a one level small home, where the outside is taken care of. She already has handicap shower, as they had it put in just before my dad passed away.
Deletemaybe you could talk to each of them separately and tell them if either falls, the decision will be out of your hands as the hospital might not allow them to be released to go home. This is true! Judges can get involved.
ReplyDeleteA guy I know passed out because he had undiagnosed diabetes. The hospital would not allow him to go home to his house. They demanded he go from N AL to Florida to live with his sister. He refused, so the county agency shipped him to a nursing home in TN with the help of the courts. A friend paid a fortune for an attorney and got him back here in his home. He was only 75 and very well except for having diabetes. He could drive, clean his house, take care of his clothing and body. He just got tangled up with the wrong person at Department of Human Resources. It is shocking and wrong, but it happened.
He was driving about 20mph when he passed out.
Deleteit sounds like SIL did tell them that, after the next crisis, it will be nursing home for MIL or assisted living for both.
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