Ever since FIL went into the nursing home a few days ago, he's going downhill fast. I had hoped he might actually feel a little better staying there, as he'd have more care and help, rather than being alone at SIL's home so much. He only talked to dh on the phone like 2 minutes last evening. He called him again later this morning and again it was only a couple of minutes call again and he seemed confused. DH was trying to tell him that our DD was going to visit him today and he had to repeat it a couple of times. DH is a bit miffed at his sister for her attitude and I think he kind of feels like it's her fault that he's suddenly gone so downhill the past few days, after being put in that nursing home. I told him he can be upset with her for how she's acting, but it's not her fault he is dying. He's 80 years old and has heart and lung disease as a result of smoking for 60+ years. That part is not her fault.
DH is guessing her sudden change in attitude towards FIL and DH and his brother, is a few weeks ago, when FIL told DH about accepting the offer on the house, he said he wants to split whatever money is left from the house between the 4 kids (there is another older brother). DH has a feeling she is mad about that, hence the change in attitude toward FIL and DH and his younger brother. Most problems are really usually about money, right?
Surprise - the mason guy, the finish guy and the painter are here working on a Saturday. The mason guy should be finished up with the island/bar stonework today. He finished the fireplace stone yesterday. When the weather is warm enough, he will come back to do the outside stonework to finish the shop and house. It's 50 degrees today! Spring is finally starting to come and hopefully all this snow will melt soon.
I finally got my hair cut and layered . It's so much nicer. All one length just doesn't look that good on me. I like it to the top of my shoulders, but not all one length. I just went into Great Clips. I put the app on my phone to see the wait time and so I could check in when I got into the city and if there was going to be a wait I'd go run one of my other errands first. But, there was zero wait time, so I got right in and out. I did feel quite old, though...when the girl was processing my payment and says "do you qualify for senior citizens discount?" I asked what age and she said 65..........enough said (beings I'm 55)
It sure was nice to just get out and do something on my own for a change. While there is still lots of snow covering the ground, the roads are all clear and bare now. I stopped at the granite place and took a look at the whole slab, that they will be using for my kitchen and master bath countertops. Then I decided I'd get us some Subway sandwiches to take home for dinner. Use up a giftcard I have. The only two Subways I knew of were one inside Walmart and one back where I'd get on the freeway to go home, but it was on the other side of the street and would be pretty much impossible to get back across. I googled to see if there might be another one near the granite place. LOL. It was literally around the corner, so I went to that one.
Next stop was a quick stop at the grocery store for some milk. That is something we always run out of in between our 2 week shopping trips. I decided to get gas, too, at the gas station there. It was packed, but I got pulled in one spot left. My credit card wouldn't work. So, then I used my debit card and it wouldn't work. Said see cashier. Grrrr.. I wasn't in the mood and still had over a half a tank, so decided to forget it. Then I went to the bank and deposited a check. Then across the parking lot to Lowe's to look at drawer pulls and pick up a few things. On my way back to the freeway, I stopped at another gas station, where my card, of course, worked fine and filled up the tank.
I spent this morning cleaning "house" in the shop. Vacuumed our carpet/rug areas, washed dishes, did a load of laundry, and cleaned the bathroom. I was trying to take a little nap earlier. DH was out in the house and texted me that the painter lady and hubby were going to come in the shop and borrow the microwave to heat up their lunch. Oh well, so much for a nap, haha.
Sadly I think most family disputes are to do with money aren't they. So sad. And reading about you googling locations and the wait time at the hairdresser's makes me wonder what we ever did without the internet! It's mind boggling isn't it!
ReplyDeletetechnology sure does make some thing easier. Especially getting directions to places! Boy, I can recall in my early days of driving and having to try to find somewhere just using a road map - we didn't even have an internet to print out directions. I got lost so many times. LOL
DeleteSo sad about your FIL, I hope he perks up a little. It sounds like you certainly accomplished a lot when you went into the ciry. Did you like the granite?
ReplyDeleteI hope this is just a short rough patch he's going through. He's had them before, so keeping fingers crossed it's just that. I do like the granite. Kind of an off white with some browns/chocolates mixed in.
DeleteI will tell you, because my sister and I do it every single day, it is insanely difficult to be responsible for the care of a parent. They do not understand that the parent /child dynamics have changed and tend to resist many things that are in their best interest. Your SIL might be reacting about money but it could also be about frustrations. If I had to have my mother living with me for several weeks with no other help,I would be pulling my hair out and it would not be about finances. It is hard, and from personal experience Mom is entirely different with everyone except for me, my sister and my middle son. We all see the demanding and difficult person who will do little to nothing for herself. When anyone else is around she has a Tallulah Bankhead moment and everyone gets to witness the performance of a lifetime.
ReplyDeletethat's very true! I'm sure he is different with her. Maybe we're reading more into it, but this all started with FIL over the life insurance money. And for her to not even tell DH or his brother that she moved him to a nursing home seems weird to me. I'm praying he starts feeling a little better. I know he really wants to see through to getting his house closed and finalized.
DeleteI hope your FIL gets placed in a nice and private room so that he doesn't have to share his space with a stranger. At this point in life, he should be comfortable. I am also glad your DD is visiting him. She sounds like a sensible young lady and I am sure she can give you more info and make grandpa happy with her visit.
ReplyDeleteHe is doing better today thankfully. I hope he finds a nice comfortable place too.
DeleteMaybe your SIL feels stressed and responsible and just needs a break. She should have asked your husband to take a little time off and stay with his father in her home. That way the dad could have stayed there and your husband could have spent some 1:1 time with him which would be much more rewarding than a phone call everyday.
ReplyDeleteHopefully she got the break she needed. Unfortunately, as we are down to the final weeks of getting our house finished, unless it's an emergency dh needs to be here. Last Sunday he spent most of the day keeping our driveway plowed so the subs would be able to get in here Monday morning. It's not something I could have handled.
DeleteI suddenly feel so much younger! Just kidding, at 54, I'm right behind you! Lol
ReplyDeleteWe *might* see 50 degrees by the end of the week. I'm eager to see the snow start to melt. I'm sure you're very eager to see it go so all the outside stuff can get finished on your house and shop.
I hope your FIL isn't just giving up. It can happen, especially after losing a spouse. Does his house still need to be emptied out? Hopefully that won't create additional drama between the siblings. In a month or so I'll be doing that with my siblings. To say that I am NOT looking forward to it is an understatement.
It's really warmed up this weekend. I'm honestly surprised FIL has hung on this long after losing MIL. The house is completely cleaned out and was staged for the sale.
DeleteI'm a home care RN, I don't think you have a clue what having someone in your home and taking care of them consists of. I see it all the time every having lots of opinions about cares or lack of of in their mind who haven't lifted a finger. I do hope that your husband can go and get his dad to come and live with you for awhile, especially as he's not employed and would have the time for him. As for his will none of my business but people who've done nothing and people who've done more getting the same does not seem right. But I do agree her not telling anyone does not seem OK, if she hit the wall she should called each family member and let them know she was done in and it was their turn.
ReplyDeleteI am familiar with what having someone to care for involves. I agree on the will and so does dh and one brother and both have told her numerous times they want her to have their share. She could have contacted dh and his brother to ask for help figuring out a different solution to her having to care for him in her home. That was her idea to begin with. I do not know if Fil woukd want to move all the way here, away from where he's lived 35 years, but he's welcome if he decides that's what he wants
DeleteI also have a clue that having someone in your home and caring for them would require a lifestyle change on my part. I would have a clue that caring for a parent the last few months of their life would involve me staying home as much as possible. I wouldn't be upset that I had to miss dinners out, parties, concerts, etc, as SIL is upset about. She's doing her best and her taking care of DHs parents has been tough, but some of the problems she has created herself.
DeleteSounds like there's been plenty of drama going on with the house building! But, progress is being made, nevertheless. I hope your FIL continues to feel better. I imagine the move to a home was a little hard for him to adjust to. But, hopefully, it all works out well.
ReplyDeletehe was doing better yesterday, so that was very good news :)
DeleteFamilies do fight over money, a touchy subject. I also had an aunt who was absolutely nasty and underhanded dealing with my grandmother and her possessions after her death. She continued to “borrow” money from my grandmother with no intention of repaying it as she was quite ill and as my grandmother was on her death bed, she was going through her house to get the jewelry, silver and other valuables so no other family members could get a share of them.
ReplyDeleteAs for your layered shoulder length hair, I understand. My hair is full and I got a really bad haircut at a salon I paid too much for, was handled rough by the stylist, was treated rudely and the jerk even burned my scalp with the blow dryer. It was touching my shoulders but it was badly cut and torn up with the razor and thinning shears when I told him not to. That is when he screeched at me that I don’t tell him how to cut hair. I had disconnected layers, shorter on top and then longer straight pieces on my lower layers, practically a mullet.
I went a whole year before I had my husband give me a haircut in his kitchen shortly after we started dating. I had damaged hair, but at least some growth that he could work with. He did the full sectioning, pinned up my hair, then trimmed it in 1/2” increments. Once he got the bottom layer all even, he did 90 degree cutting to blend the shorter layers on top with the longer pieces on the bottom. He only took off about an inch and a half, but it gave my hair a much nicer shape, it looked well groomed versus the chewed look where the shorter layers met the longer ones. I told him I had always my hair long like my cousin has. He told me it could get there, but it will take years and regular trims to keep it looking good as it grows out. As my hair reached past my mid back, I had him blunt cut my ends to keep my hair fuller at the ends. I love my hair long and have no intention of asking hubby to cut it short, but I do see women with short hair that is very full, that is blunt cut and it leaves too heavy a line and a Christmas tree effect. For hair that short it would have a nicer shape with blended layers. I am very picky about my hair, so I have him trim my ends every other month to remove splits, damaged ends and keep my ends neat. If I go longer my ends are uneven and look ratty.
Thanks for commenting. DH and his brother are not about the money at all, which is think is frustrating to find out from FIL that that's what is was about with SIL. That's what my hair was looking like one length below my shoulders - like a Christmas tree! LOL. Though now that I've had this new cut a few days, I'm not certain it was layered very well. Either that or this water is just drying out my hair too much and it's being frizzy. I ordered some leave in conditioner to give a try with.
DeleteI would agree with you that your hair was probably poorly cut. The stylist probably did not section, pin it up and trim it layer by layer with sharp shears only, but cut the full thickness of your hair wet in different places to remove bulk, basically ahredding it with a razor or thinning shears (something you should NEVER let them use on your hair) leaving it badly misshaped. If your hair is cut properly, it will lay nicely after you wash it and it dries as is, you won’t need to dump a lot of products on your head to try and make it look good. I have had my husband fix a bad salon cut for a friend of mine and a few days before my wedding. This video explains fixing bad salon haircuts.
Deletehttps://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DOy3Hb0lhuQ
I was talking with my maid of honor about her hair that had been damaged by overproccesing with color at the salon and it was uneven growing out and the color...well. So I asked huuby to be if he could do something with it. So three days before the wedding, she was at the house, he triimmed her hair to shape it, then applied a light brown henna color. The results were amazing! She looked great for the wedding pictures and she got a lot of compliments on her hair at the restaurant she worked at. She told me she was asked who her stylist was and does he take appointments. I told hubby he should start a side business. So when people seem surprised when I tell them I have hubby do my hair, I inform them I want it done properly and that I don’t have the time or patience to deal with incompetent stylists who don’t listen and do shoddy work.
you are lucky you have a hubby that can do that! For some reason my hair seems to be more wavy than in the past. Usually a layered cut works great with the waves, but this time not so much. I did get off my butt this morning and take a curling iron to it and it looks much better, haha.
DeleteI am very fortunate indeed that he knows how to do it. I see friends, coworkers and just people in the store with badly cut hair, I think about how I used to dread looking like that after a salon visit. I had known for a long time even before I met my husband that you should never let a stylist cut your hair will a razor as the damage causes split ends and your hair to frizz. My hair is wavy, and I have my hubby braid my hair for me when it is wet, and I have great wavy hair when it dries. I don’t flat iron my hair very often, last time had to be over two years ago. I have embraced my wavy hair. As you mentioned you have wavy hair as well, it looks it’s very best when properly cut. It should just dry and look nice without any product or having to use a curling iron. Years ago when I had shorter hair, it would take me a good 1/2 hour to get it looking good to go to work in the morning. I think hair stylists are told to cut your hair badly so you will buy the products they push at the salon. Even when my hair was shorter after the first time my husband cut my hair for me, I noticed a big difference, it seemed to lay nicer after it was dry, it had movement and looked great the way he shaped it. While you got in and got your hair cut and layered with no wait time, that is usually a bad sign that the salon is empty. My former sister in law did the cosmotology school and started at a salon, they put her up front to get walk in customers and build up a client base. She was rude and did as she pleased. She thought she knew better than her customers. Well when she had been there a while, they moved her to another station to let another new girl get walk in business. As she had no following of happy returning customers, she was not making any money, so she moved on to her next career at Burger King where she was now upselling fries rather than hair products. And her own daughter would not let her cut her hair as her mom would screw it up. So when your hair grows out, you may want to check with friends and read reviews on stylists before you take a seat again. I was buying shampoo and conditioner at Sally’s and I mentioned my husband was the one who braided my hair for me as the girl complimented me on it. I told her he cuts it for me as well. She mentioned that was great, she taught her boyfriend to cut her hair for her as she had girls in her class she would not let near her hair because they were sloppy and careless. She said to graduate, she had to take a 20 question test written at the 6th grade level with no practical exam to get her license, being the school said she had her hours in. So much for the “professional license” guaranteeing any level of skill.
ReplyDelete