DH finally got to make a little progress on the yard/huge pile of gravel yesterday. For a week or so he had hand shoveled and wheelbarrow-ed what he could. He had asked the guy with the heavy equipment if he could rent his loader for a couple of hours so he could move the rest of the gravel around and put it where it needed to go on our property. The guy said he'd bring it over like 2 weeks ago and then kept putting DH off. Finally, he dropped it off yesterday afternoon. DH used it for about an hour and a half to 2 hours and got that part all done. It would have taken him days/weeks to move all that in a wheel barrow. Then he drove the loader back over to the guys place. I followed him to give him a ride back home. So funny that we are so rural you can do that here with no issues. The guy's place is only a couple of miles away, probably 1/4 mile as the crow flies, but he's on the other side of the river so we had to drive down to the bridge. Now all the gravel is out of the driveway and where it's supposed to be. Now, if we could just get the guy screening the topsoil to show up..........
I just received our most recent electric bill. Similar to last month at $114. I am so pleased with this...to have a/c throughout the house all summer and that's all it costs! I am really anxious to see what bills winter brings. Our HVAC guy says they will be about same. This is because most of the work is being done by the heat pump and not using much electricity.
Well, now my memory is going! All this with mom got me all flustered and I forgot to do something for work yesterday. I was sitting on the couch last night at 9pm and suddenly remembered. I ran upstairs to my desk, got the file transmitted and sent an email off about it. It was ok, I really had until this morning, apparently, but stressed me out for a bit about it. So, I can totally see how my mom, with her memory even more affected, can get so she is forgetting things when she has too much going on, too much info coming at her at once. I've even had that happen to me...I get all stressed out about something, have to use a password for something and suddenly my mind goes blank and I can't remember it (so many different ones for work)...but at least I'm aware enough of how to find it, haha.
She already called a realtor yesterday and he is coming to see her on Tuesday. Awhile back her bf's sister was looking at a place for sale in my mom's little gated community and my mom went with her and talked to this realtor. I guess he has sold quite a few of the places in there and she said she liked him. If for some reason she decides not to use him, I'll have the realtor that sold our home and my inlaw's home take care of it. I'm sure her place will sell very quickly. It's very nice and in great condition. I looked at what homes in her community are selling for (they are mfg homes and they rent the lot) and did a little math in my head with what the retirement/assisted living place will cost. Just from the sale of her place she will have enough from those proceeds to cover about 3 years at this place and not even have to touch her main retirement funds until then.
The place she is moving into would be a small 1 bedroom apartment, with I think a small kitchenette. She can make food, but all meals are provided in the common dining room. She said the only thing extra she would have to pay for is her phone. The place, of course, has lots of activities. Shuttle buses to events and shopping and also rides to doctors appointments. She will keep her car for as long as she can keep driving. Its a brand new place. Her BF just moved there (from living at a different place) this past year.
I did call and talk to my uncle (mom's brother, who's 75) this morning. He has always been good about keeping in regular touch with her at least once a week. He lives about 2 1/2 hours from her, so not very close to visit much. I will also say that I know she "loans" him money pretty regularly....and I can never see where he pays her back (I'll just leave it at that). I thought maybe he would have insight as to why my step brother changed all this stuff (since SB didn't answer the question when I asked him). My uncle also emails my mom every so often and apparently she got herself messed up with her email log in and couldn't get in. I'm guessing that just so coincided with step brother doing one of his 2-3 times a year visits with her. My uncle talked to step and they decided he should help her. They thought all her stuff should get changed to make sure she didn't get hacked, apparently.
He said the credit card thing got fixed......I'm like I know! I'm the one who fixed it! So, I explained to him exactly what I did to resolve it. He's like oh geez....
and apparently my mom wasn't remembering enough at the time to tell them I already had all this info and they should let me know what is going on.
Just frustrating, because then when she gets all bad, I'm supposed to come take care of it all then!. Like here's what I do not get. SB said in his email "I know all about her finances and the thing with the credit card" (and supposedly so did my uncle)...........then why didn't they do something to resolve it? they were just going to let her report it as a fraud charge and have the car dealership get charged back for it?........and then that place would have of course gone back to my son and said what the heck? the credit card # you gave us, charged us back. We want our $$. Then of course DS would have had to call his grandma back to try to figure out what happened..........triggering round 2 of confusion to her mind. If he knew "all about her finances" then why didn't he know that she was past due 2 months on a credit card bill she didn't know she had? Why isn't he checking into why online her savings account is still showing a $-888,999 balance, for goodness sake?
Now that she's doing better I am going to broach the subject with her again. She needs to decide who she wants handling stuff for her, when she needs help with her finances and computer issues. It just needs to be one person. I'd say 85% of what I/we end up dealing with is pretty much all because of the computer...she can't get it to work, she loses a password or login, she accidentally changes something on her computer, she doesn't understand an email she gets, or how to read what she is looking at online when she is online with her accounts and email. This is all stuff I can pretty dang easily take care of, remotely. Even the "behind the scenes" stuff I do like getting emails into spam folder and blocking spam phone#'s. Other than that kind of stuff, she really doesn't come across too many problems to deal with. The credit card deal was kind of a "one off" situation.
I was saying to DD....back when my grandparents (her parents) were her age my mom was living in AZ 8 months a year, so a lot of the things that came up to help them with fell to me, who lived in same town. I told DD thank gosh they didn't have a computer back then, haha! I really didn't have to deal with "problems to take care of" - just run errands for them, etc. If my mom didn't have a computer she's be all good- haha! Thank goodness I (and DD) have managed to keep her from getting a smart phone! She would have zero clue how to use it and would just stress her out trying to figure it out.
I'm with you on wanting the week to be over. I'm happy tomorrow is Friday, even though I have a dentist appt. Lol Glad you are starting to get things situated for your mom. The retirement home sounds like a perfect solution, especially with everything they provide. Good chance for her to downsize, too which will make it easier later. I hope you get that top soil taken care of before winter hits. It would be nice to have grass come spring!
ReplyDeleteShe has really been downsizing for several years. She has a small place (2 bedroom) and has really whittled down her stuff to the minimum. Plus, she's very neat and organized. It will be easy peasy to move her.
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ReplyDeleteI took over my Dad's finances a couple years ago when his health went downhill, and I didn't realize at the time how lucky I was that he didn't do anything online! I was able to set up online access for his bank account (I'm a joint account holder), credit card, and other accounts and I'm the only one that knows the logins and passwords (with my husband as backup). To handle my Dad's IRA and online savings account, I needed to submit the durable power of attorney form that we had drawn up by a lawyer. With the DPOA, I was also able to handle all the paperwork for selling his house when he moved into assisted living. Good luck with your Mom! I would definitely look into the level of personal services provided by the place she is looking at, if any, in case she needs services later on. In my search I learned that some facilities are "independent living" and don't provide personal services like help with bathing, medication, etc. and others are "assisted living", which do provide services. Personal services add to the expense of course. In my Dad's case, we were pleasantly surprised that he ended up needing fewer services than originally projected and is currently paying less than we expected. Also, some but probably not all assisted living places have "memory care" units. My advice is that wherever your Mom is planning to move you should read the contract very carefully, especially since your Mom herself may not understand all of the provisions.
ReplyDeletethat is a concern I also have, that the place has different levels of service....but this one apparently does not, which is why it sounds like her BF may be moving at some point, because he is needing more help. She's not needing that yet, but if her memory problems get worse, she sure will.
DeleteI hope that, now that your uncle and step brother know that you keep in close contact with your mom and are aware of her accounts and such, they will not try to do anything to mess up her passwords and so forth. I myself get confused with my passwords and accounts! And I don't even do any online banking, etc.!
ReplyDeleteyes, I think we have that resolved now, thank goodness!
DeleteHopefully you've gotten through to both that you had it under control.
ReplyDeleteI think I have!
DeleteThat electricity bill sounds pretty good to me! Especially when you have AC running! And I agree with you, I think only one person should be handling your mom's finances and that really should be you. Good luck with sorting that out!
ReplyDeleteI know! I always read people's blogs where they have a/c in summer and have huge electric bills. I'm relieved this heat pump is so efficient.
DeleteI suspect that when your mother dies, your step brother will come into some of the money from his dad who probably was the original generator of the family money. He feels he has a vested interest in how the money is used. I am just guessing here, but that is the way these things often work.
ReplyDeleteOriginally, she had her will to split between me and the 4 step sibs. A few years ago she changed it to just me (not at my doing at all). She felt that she's not really very close to any of them, two of them live out of state and I'll be the one helping her as she ages. (and she made a comment "none of them need any money") Maybe she is thinking of changing it back. I don't know.
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