Wednesday, January 30, 2013

The dream of simplicity

I crave a simple and relaxing lifestyle. Yet, I know this is not possible, as DH has the total opposite personality and seems to be getting worse with the "wants". That personality was fine in our 20's and 30's, but as 50 fast approaches, and we live with DH's disability, I find myself just wanting simple and easy. I don't know if it's because he can't do/have a busy lifestyle, but DH just keeps wanting more and more - more money, more things, more doing. Not that he actually does anything to to make this happen, mostly it's just incessant talking about it - how he wants to do and have more and he's not satisfied with our life.  It's become a daily conversation with him and I'm about ready to just scream in frustration, but I just listen, realizing that trying to change him or disagree with him will just make him want it all more.

Me? I just want to keep it all simple. Realizing this will probably never be my life as a whole, I keep trying to infuse little pockets of simplicity into my life wherever and whenever I can. My morning time when it's just me and the dogs and my cup of coffee and I can get online and read emails and blogs and catch up on news. My hour drive to and from work has always kind of been my "me" time too, listening to books on CD. But, yesterday I realized I haven't done that in the past couple of months. I got to listening to talk radio during the election and then just never got to the library to pick up some audio books and so have just kept listening to talk radio. It's really quite depressing and doesn't really give me alot of hope for the future of this economy or country and certainly does not relax me at all, so after work yesterday I went to the library and picked out 3 audio books.  Back to a nice relaxing drive! I think I should get an ipod, so I can download books from the library to listen to and not have to go to the library to get them.

When DH is busy on his laptop and engrossed into his online world or busy with something out in the shop (and not driving me nuts with his daily "conversations" about how he wishes his life were) I take the opportunity to read a book on my Nook.....or take a nap....or take a bubble bath. Some evenings I manage to watch a favorite tv show or a movie, without his interruptions. Luckily, he gets busy on Facebook or his message boards many evenings, but when he's not it's like he has to be the center of attention while DD and I are trying to watch something, so we end up missing some of it. When the rare time happens when he actually goes somewhere that I don't have to go with him, it's like a different atmosphere in the house. He just has this almost constant vibe/aura with him that creates energy, I guess.

I've been trying to declutter and get rid of excess stuff gradually over the past several years. That has helped me, too. A clean and tidy(er) house makes me more relaxed and at peace.  Fortunately for me, both my kids have my personality, so they don't really add to the more chaotic lifestyle DH manages to infuse into our lives. I can tell there are times they just wish DH would back off, too. I spend a lot of time at my desk, since I work from home part time and it's seeing the effects of my "old" ways of messiness and clutter-ness.  So, my goal today is to clean it up and get it back to how it looked and made me feel when I first set it up for use.

Hopefully, DH will settle down a bit when winter is over and he can get outside again and do things around the property, rather than be cooped up inside the house all day. I'm sure part of it is missing DS and not having little projects out in the shop to work on with him, to help keep him busy.

I still find myself wanting more simplicity in my life and will continue to try to keep sneaking it into our life! I know I'm never going to change him, so not worth the effort to try - trying would just negate what simplicity I have managed to achieve. What ways do you add simplicity and relaxation into your busy and hectic lives? Is there a way to have simplicity, at all, when you have a spouse who is just the opposite?


  1. Totally hear where you are coming from! After I cleaned carpets this weekend (while DH was napping) so I could do it without "direction". I emptied a bookshelf and put away it and another piece of furniture that was "crowding me. If I could have zero extra furniture, pics, and crap I would be a happy camper.

  2. Besides him feeling stifled by his health situation, your DH is probably getting the male mid-life crisis thing going on too. Between those 2 and his not being on board with the grown-up approach to the finances, I don't know how you keep your sanity some days. Maybe it's a good thing that we each get our own personalized loads to bear in life....I can handle mine most days but I look around at some other folks burdens and knowing how I am wired, I don't think I could do it as well as they do, or at all.

    Here's to keeping spouses occupied! ;-)

  3. I hear ya!
    DH & I are quite different personalities, too, he is a sportsmad extrovert who loves to talk, I'm bookworm, introvert who just craves the silence. He likes a TV or a radio on all the time - I hate that.
    I have always had my own little study where I can go to get some quiet. I think over the years we are better at compromising. I keep telling him much time he'll have for his sports when we are downsized.