DD's BF is a bit bummed this morning. He and his family put in a ton of effort to help elect someone for a local town council position and he didn't win. But, at least our town's school district funding bill passed, finally after like 15 years of no new funding. The schools are so overcrowded, it's ridiculous. I was happy to see that our district county councilman's awesome assistant got voted in for the position she ran for.
Our councilman called DH yesterday to ask him to be on a local conservative talk radio show with him about our drug problem. This would be pretty far reaching. It's a talk radio show out of our major metropolitan city with lots of listeners and covers about half the state. The funny part is I often listen to conservative talk radio in my car on way to and from work. But I haven't really in months. I've been listening to audio books instead, but yesterday morning, on my way to the office I turned on the radio and was actually listening to this talk show. As I'm listening to it DH texts me that he's been asked to talk on the same show. What are the odds? I think it's a sign. LOL.
Tomorrow night we and the other neighborhood folks have a meeting with one of the county prosecutors. That should be interesting, but I'm sure will just be listening to one excuse after the other, like we have with the sheriff. We all beyond ticked off that all these people keep re-offending over and over and charges keep getting reduced, if not dropped and when they do get actually charged with something their time served is days or weeks and they are right back here buying dope and causing trouble. Or they get assigned "drug court" which is a total joke. I watched an interesting segment on 60 minutes from last Sunday about "Heroin in the Heartland". It didn't surprise me in the least. It is the story of what is happening everywhere. I did finally learn what a "hit" of it typically costs these addicts. $10. Which is why they are all using this drug now because it's cheaper than buying an $80 oxy pill.
We had our first frosty morning of the season this morning. Chilly!
This is likely an unpopular opinion but I feel like I need to say it. I can understand why his friends aren't giving you his contact information. He doesn't want contact with you because he's hurt. At least on this blog, you've made no secret of the fact that you disapprove of his life choices. You want him to have a "real" job and be more like dd's boyfriend. If he wants to life like a nomad, it's best to do it now while he's young and doesn't have kids.
ReplyDeleteFrom what I've gathered, DS is hurt because he feels his dad was a lousy dad. You think he is fine because DD turned out fine. I think DS wants an apology for the way he was treated. You want an apology for him not taking care of your stuff.
If my parents started calling around to my friends to get my number, my friends better have my back and keep my privacy. I would think that my friends lacked integrity if they just gave our my contact info with no regard to my feelings.
He's has gotten his apologies since this started- numerous times. DH (and I) have taken full responsibility for the way he feels and he knows that. And we aren't asking for his phone # to be given to us - just please get the message to him to contact myself (via email) or the club president, so this can easily be resolved and taken off his hands. We have not tried to contact him or interfere in his life for the past 12 months - after he spent a week home here, said he loved us, went back to his new life and dropped us out of his life again.
DeleteHe can have his life as a nomad - but that doesn't mean he has to be irresponsible and take something (yet again) that others have worked hard on. He didn't even have to contact us about it at all, like I said he could have quite easily spent 5 minutes out of his life and transferred this back to the club. The club is contacting us, because they have no way to get a hold of him now either, since he won't answer his emails, in hopes that we can help get in contact with him or someone that knows how would at least have the decency to give him the message.
maybe I'm completely out to lunch here on this, but at what age should we start expecting him to get a real job, start supporting himself (instead of expecting others to do it) and start acting responsible for the things that come up in life that the rest of us take care of?
DeleteI don't know. My DH was 25 when he joined the army. Prior to that, I'm sure most considered him a loser, often unemployed and homeless, bouncing between my house, friends' couches, his parent's house if they let him, sleeping in parks. He sometimes had a job, most times not. It took awhile but he's now a contributing member of society. He has a good job, house, family, and is responsible. It just takes some longer.
DeleteI'm not trying to beat you up on this but I can see how he wouldn't want to be contacted. He should've either paid the fee or not been the admin on this website. That's not right.
I am so sorry for the ongoing drama with DS. As parents, we do the best we can while raising our kids. It's truly unfortunate the your son refuses to accept responsibility for this website mess, but honestly, it's not your fault or your responsibility. DS is an adult; if he chooses to be an irresponsible jerk then that's his choice. You have done all you could, contacted everyone you thought would be able to find/get through to him. If he does not want to be found or communicate, there is nothing left for you to do.
ReplyDeleteNo there is really nothing else left we can do and we let the club pres know this last night. We exhausted every avenue we could to try and get him to resolve this. Unfortunately, it sure doesn't make us feel any better, this morning. Time will lessen the hurt and we will always feel like personally we let the club down, but there's not going to be anything we can do about it. I should have been smart last February, when he still was responding to emails about the website and gotten it out of his name at that time, but I wanted to trust in him that he would do the right thing.
DeleteAs a parent of a 18 year old I will expect him to go to some type of school (either college or tech) or get a job to support himself. We all have different experiences, my dh had a friend who was thirty, living a home, parents paid for three different colleges, and supported him. At some point you need to grow up and face the world. My son is in college but knows he must do well and keep up his grades. Right now he is overwhelmed with homework but knows this summer he will work to pay for his spending money.
ReplyDeleteOne more thing, maybe due to being an older parent (57) I too wouldn't like his lifestyle. Not even a steady job but sleeping on other people's couch and not taking care of myself. I would be devastated too, sorry he is hurting those who love him the most.
ReplyDeletemy thoughts exactly and we let him "be young and carefree" for a very long time after he graduated highschool and we continued to support him! We supported his not getting a job and going to Austrailia - twice. We supported his not getting a job and going to Canada to race. He is 24 yrs old now. Racked up $20,000 in debt the past year and a half and it's way past time to get his act together/get a job/support himself etc. He owes his grandma over $10k (she won't tell me the exact amount except to say it was over $10k and he owes us $8500. I honestly don't expect ever to see him pay us or grandma back.
DeleteThat is alot of money. I don't know your son, only what you write here. Could he possibly be afraid to come back due to owing so much money? You give them space but each family will put up with so much. My nephew will be 29 and just moved out. He has been working both at his dad's garage, getting 3 degrees, and finally getting a job 8 hrs. away from home. We always laugh he would never leave, my sister took care of him, why leave?
DeleteUnfortunately, at this point I have no idea. His actions and lifestyle are of someone I don't even recognize any more.
DeleteIs your husband your son's biological father? If not, there may be some resentment both ways there.
ReplyDeleteYes he is. He was never an absent father, never went off and did his own hobbies and ignored our kids. Never went golfing or out drinking with his buddies. It was always family. Heck, we never even used babysitters so we could go do stuff alone. Everything we did while they were growing up was family stuff - always together, right up until he went to Canada and changed his personality almost overnight. Within a month of being up there (which was supposed to be just 7-8 weeks) he broke up with his girlfriend of 4 years, etc.
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