I've been in a bit of a distraction the past week or so and haven't felt like posting. We got DS off on his big trip last week, which kept me busy the day before and the day of his departure. We had a family Christmas party to attend over the weekend, started puppy obedience classes, and I've also been extremely busy (or maybe it just seems that way because I can't focus well right now) at work. This past week we've been dealing with an issue with DS's girlfriend that isn't taking a very good turn and it just has me very stressed out. It's not allowning me to focus very well on anything else that really needs to get done - work, finishing Christmas shopping, managing my money, etc.
Not going into extreme details but it's a very scary and sad realization that his GF has no problem putting herself first and no apparent qualms about trying to cause a rif between DS and us. Her immaturity and attention seeking behavior has reached an all time high - most likely spurred on by the fact that her boyfriend just left her for 2 months. We personally asked her not to do something that we felt was a distraction to his focus while he is away and she went and did what she wanted, as usual. We have let DS know it happened and are not happy with her, which caused her to react even worse. Ugh! This is not what I need to deal with right now at all. I'm not sleeping well, getting headaches, which of course just add to making it hard to focus on tasks that need to be done. I have a ton of stuff at work that needs to get done by the end of this week, since I will be off on vacation until January 2nd.
If I don't get back to posting until after Christmas, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas to you and your family. Your ds girlfriend needs a wake up call to sort her out. Maybe your son going away will be a big help in their relationship.
ReplyDeleteGill
Your son is old enough to be on his own, financially and in every other way. Let go! Any man who lives with a girlfriend, at least part-time, and is having sex with her should be responsible for his own life and decisions. When he comes back, let him know he is welcome home for Sunday dinner and other visits but from now on he is on his own. Once he is living with her full-time he will see how she is, especially in spending money. He proved he can save money for something he really wanted. When he comes home, all his money can go towards, food, shelter, transportation, insurance, phone etc etc, like every responsible independent adult. It will be a gift to him, not a punishment. When he starts complaining to you about the GF, remain neutral and say, I'm sorry to hear that. Telling his GF not to distract him makes your son sound like he is 16 yrs old; and it's treating him like a child. He has a good education and some work experience; he'll learn to hustle, work 2 jobs-whatever it takes. It's hard to let go, but show your son you have faiith in his ability to be a man and take care of himself. Mom, you did your job and raised a fine man; now let go.
ReplyDeleteI hope you have a wonderful Christmas & make many special memories! And I do agree with Anonymous above.. as hard as it is, and I KNOW, you have to let go and trust your son to do the right thing, and clean up his own mistakes and deal with the consequences. Going against the grain of his GF may just push him away, so like anon. said, i'd remain 'neutral' and let him figure it out for himself He doesn't have the experience or wisdom that you do yet.. that will come with time. ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone - and I do totally agree with Anon and getting him responsible for his own life financially is definitely on the agenda when he returns. This issue really had nothing to do with their personal life - their personal life and decisions are their's and we have no problem with that. This issue had strictly to do with when he is strapped inside a race car and ultimately affects his safety. On this issue we will not budge one inch. A distracted racer can easily be a dead racer and his safety comes before anything else, including GF's needs.
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas! Happy HOliday
ReplyDeleteYou are right to be concerned, because his safety while driving is a first and foremost concern always. However, if he's old enough to be racing, he should also be old enough and mature enough to recognize and minimize distractions. You may not want to budge one inch, but your DS is an adult, far from home, and will make his own choices while away. You did your part in informing him of what the GF did, and now you have to let go and pray he has enough of what you have taught him to not lose focus by what is going on at home. And you, mom, need to take care of yourself so you can cheer him on and enjoy the rides with him in whatever medium is available to you.
ReplyDelete-Jane
Jane, thank you for your reply. DS is old enough an mature enough (its the GF who is having the maturity problems)in regards to his racing safety. He and we know firsthand the chance he takes with his life and his health each and every time he races. DS is also aware that if something were to happen to him, such as happened to another racer/family we know where the racer is now brain damaged and in a wheel chair the rest of his life, we will be the one's taking care of him every day for the rest of his/our lives and so he totally accepts that we will also have input and make decisions regarding his safety. On a positive note, DS has resolved this with his GF and I am proud of him for the maturity he is showing!
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