I continued with the relaxing weekend on Sunday, though a few calls from my mom, who was trying to balance her checkbook, made it a little harder. Especially as I was just going to take a nap. haha! She only has a handful of transactions a month to record and somehow now it is always wrong. I never did find why it was off a month or two ago by $5 or so. About a month ago she was at the end of her register book, so I found a new one with her checks and I'm pretty sure the balance I brought forward to it was correct, but after about 10 transactions she's somehow off about $126 now. She must just have a math error, as she doesn't have a calculator and she just does the math by hand/head. She just doesn't have the capacity to really deal with it now, yet she wants to and of course thinks she should be able to, as this was always something she was very good at. Funny she keeps mentioning how she worked at a bank years ago for awhile, so she was good at balancing. She probably did work at a bank for a short period before I was born, but it was never something I recall her mentioning much all these years, but now she does.
I finally told her I'll have to take a look at her register, as I can't figure it out over the phone, when the only side I can see is her online register. She is having a bad time having to write out a check more than once because she doesn't write it correctly, but then gets her check #'s messed up as to what she is recording. She's been good so far about remembering to pay her rent on the 1st (without reminder from me!) yet this month she forgot. We had talked about it on the 30th, because I wanted her to know she could still use her old checks from BofA, as she hadn't recieved her new account checks yet and we left enough in there to cover the rent. Usually it clears her account on the 2nd, and when I didn't see it clear on Friday I asked her. She couldn't remember if she did or not. I knew the last check she was supposed to have written was 9876 when we wrote it to her new bank, so the next check in her checkbook should have been and was 9877, so I knew she didn't pay rent. She said she would write it right then and take downstairs.....
Not sure what happened, but Saturday she was confused and had a check 9877 written to her apartment, but still loose in her checkbook. She said she thought she had taken a check down there. I then was able to determine 9878 was also missing and we figured out she must have written it out again on 9878 and that is the check she took downstairs. I told her to shred that one she had. Then she calls yesterday and of course, as she now does every time, she doesn't enter the password right and locks us out of the account and I have to reset it. She said when she went down to eat they gave her a check back, saying she had already paid them. Now I'm confused! The only thing I can think is when we hung up on Saturday she didn't shred the check. Forgot what we talked about and took that check downstairs.
On top of all that confusion she's not balancing to what the bank is showing her balance. She's not remembering to write down things like her social security deposit (I'm always reminding her when I am visiting her), nor does she remember that her cc payment comes out auto each month and also that her checking earns a few cents of interest each month she needs to write down. Like I said, it's really all just about 6 transactions a month or so she needs to do, but obviously can't do very well anymore.
And then, after I gave her another new password I had to reset, I try to log in this morning and she's locked it out again. You should see my piece of paper with all her logins and passwords on it...there are half a dozen scratched out for her bank 😧 It's hard to just say I'm taking it all over, as she's still mentally there enough that she thinks she knows how to do it now and she does understand "how" to do it, she just can't remember what transactions need to get recorded. Do you think going forward with her new bank it would be better if I just gave her a paper statement each month? I might try that, rather than the online way, as she just keeps messing up the logins and passwords.
Maybe you need to find a tactful way to take the checkbook away from her, and just do it yourself. The way things are being done, there's so much uncertainty. I live in an independent senior living facility. I hear a lot of people say their kids have taken over their financial affairs, and they are relieved. I still pay all my bills, but my daughter balances my checkbook now.
ReplyDeleteI used to balance my grandma's for her several years ago, before my mom stopped living in AZ 7 mos a year. Now that we have her new bank/checking I'm going to see if her senior living place does auto withdrawals.
DeleteYes, I would say try to just give her the paper statement. Or can you predate a few cheques for the rent, and get them sent out from your end? Poor heart, she is trying to hard but it is so confusing now. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteThat's what I feel so bad about. She is trying so hard and I want her to do as much for herself as she still can. Hopefully I can set the rent up on auto pay (even if I just have to do it through bill pay) and then just giving her a paper statement each month will work. The constantly having to reset the password (even though I save it in her log in for her) is getting frustrating to me.
DeleteI can imagine how frustrating it is to reset the passwords frequently!! I would definitely say the bill pay then a statement is the way to go.
DeleteMaybe you can tell her that the assisted living wants it to be autopay so that she will feel better about herself. It won't be because she keeps doing it wrong. And, you can give her the paper statement and keep her from getting the password messed up. I think it is good she wants to continue using the computer, but there has to be something she can do on the computer to keep her happy.
ReplyDeletethat's a really good idea to say her apartment prefers it to be on auto pay. She does use her computer to play solitaire quite often.
DeletePasswords are hard! I know you're not supposed to use the same password for different accounts, but there is no way I could remember the passwords to all the different types of accounts I have. The one I have the most trouble with is the payroll app that has to be changed every 2 weeks anyway. I try to not have to write down passwords if I can help it. Fortunately my parents can still take care of their own finances.
ReplyDeletethankfully I don't have any work passwords that have to be changed every 2 weeks! Quicklbooks is like every 3 months and I just change the end number to the next number, which makes it a little bit easier on trying to remember so many passwords.
DeleteMom did not have any memory issues but she disliked having to deal with any sort of banking. So, my sister did everything for her, set up her auto pay accounts and such. I handled her property taxes and all we had to do was to tell her how much money she had in the bank every month. It has been like this for a good 15 years or so. In your case, your mom wants to do it and that is a bit of a problem. May be you can gently talk her into taking over her banking so that she would not have to worry about that.
ReplyDeleteMy mom, like me, was always the one in her marriage to do the banking and bill paying so I'm sure it's hard for her to five up
DeleteYou should give your mom a paper statement. But if she insists on writing checks, perhaps the checks that have a duplicate copy under the check would help her remember what the check is written for.
ReplyDeleteThat's a great idea! I'm sure that would help with her confusion and especially when she mis writes a check and does another one
DeleteI have one place that has no way to do autopay. So, the home may be like that. But, I think a little white lie saying they do won't hurt. It must be hard on her to be confused so much. Then, she can just play solitaire on the computer.
ReplyDeleteI think I remember asking if they do auto pay when I signed the lease, but I had wanted to wait until she got her new local checking..and then that got delayed by her needing ID...LOL.
DeleteThis is a little off topic but I saw this article and thought you would like to read it: https://getpocket.com/explore/item/6-scams-that-prey-on-the-elderly?utm_source=pocket-newtab
ReplyDeleteIts about scams that prey on the elderly.
Sorry for the late response. I missed that you had commented! That article has good info - thanks for sharing it.
DeleteI know I am commenting late but would like to tell you an experience I had with my father. He was in a nursing home and had trouble seeing. He was also beginning to have memory issues and just good judgement issues as well. I walked into his room one day and one of the aids was at his bedside with his laptop computer. My dad was pointing to numbers and she would read them off for him as he couldn't see the screen well. I found out it was his online banking account that she was reading for him. He'd given her all the login info plus passwords--and he had a lot of money! Who knows how many times he'd done the same thing? Who knows who had already advantage of him? I spoke quickly with my mom and brother and we changed the passwords and never did tell my dad the new ones. It was sad but had to be done. So please be extra careful with giving your mom the password. Keep a really good eye on her balance and transactions. Best of luck!
ReplyDelete--Melanie
oh that is scary! Good thing you caught it. Lately she's made a couple of comments, well I know you are watching it all and taking care of it for me, so I think she is starting to get used to the idea. I look at her balances every day, like I do my own. Thanks for commenting!
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