When I am at mom's I typically go through all the papers that pile up between visits and toss what's old, junk, etc. I'm pretty sure she takes a lot of it back out of the garbage can! Plus she has this issue with she wants to tear off her address and shred that, only NOW she just sets the piece aside and never tears it or, or if she does she doesn't shred it. Her shredder is in her bedroom and now usually covered with some clothes she lays on top of it. So, this time I just took it all (that wasn't new or needed like the current months activity calendar) and put it in the sack I had brought the cupcakes in and just threw it out here at home. Like, I'm pretty positive I tossed several months old TV guides a couple weeks ago, but here I am throwing out 8 of them, 4 months worth! And she doesn't use it. She may have the first few months it was coming, but I know she isn't now, otherwise the most recent would be on top of the pile next to her recliner. She will pick them up, when I am sorting through them, and have no idea where to even look for the date of the TV Guide. I had gotten her that subscription for Christmas 2020, because at that time she was asking for a tv guide, even though I kept trying to tell her it's on her tv. They also started sending renewal notices shortly after and of course back when she had her checkbook she thought it was due, so sent out a check to add another 2 years to the subscription.
She literally had a stack of magazines, puzzle books, and papers piled up 8 inches on her end table next to her recliner. They must have puzzle books downstairs to take? She likes to do crossword puzzles but not word search, so why she has like 5 word search books, I have no idea. Some junk mail and real mail mixed in, old menus (weekly), old activity calendars from previous months. It was all about to topple over. Oh, and now she's getting a catalog from Blair all the time. There were 3 with that pile. I had ordered her a couple tops from there, with her credit card/billing address (but my ship to) so apparently all the junk mail from them now goes to her.
I just got online with TV Guide to email a request to their customer service to just cancel the subscription with an it's no longer needed reason. After she added 2 years to it, she's going to be getting it through the end of 2023, LOL. I'm just going to start bringing this soft sided bag in with me when I visit her and putting in stuff I can get rid of. She doesn't even notice I'm doing it or ask what's in the bag when I'm leaving.
It's so strange to see how the dementia has affected her mind and keeping things tidy. She has always been a very tidy person. Never anything out of place in her home (I drove her nuts as a kid with my super messy bedroom LOL!). Every time I go there now, her sink is full of silverware that needs to be washed. I washed it all up the week before and last Sunday it was full again. She didn't want me to wash them, stating she doesn't want me to come and always have to "work" when I come visit. So, this time I left them. But, just odd that she just lets them pile up now. In her previous mind set she would have just washed the fork when she took it to the sink and put it away. Now she just drops them all in the sink and does nothing with them. And she will even say to me now she can do them, she has lots of time. Yes, she does, so why she doesn't spend a few minutes washing her silverware? LOL.
But, now that all their meals are back in the dining room all the time now, she shouldn't have to really be using her own silverware, since she won't be eating meals in her apartment anymore. Hopefully that will cut down on the messy filled sink.
I guess the tables have turned on us - haha. I used to be the messy kid she had to deal with and now she's the messy one I have to deal with. Payback, LOL.
I feel for your situation. I think removing junk in stealth mode is your best options.
ReplyDeleteyes, it seems if I keep up with it a bit every visit, it's staying manageable.
DeleteOh I giggled at the payback. I bet she is still not as messy as we were in our youths. Magazines and stuff like TV guides pile up before you know it..
ReplyDeleteNo, she is not nearly as messy as I was, haha!
DeleteIt is amazing she has a shredder but not a stove or other things. At least she is not shredding things she should not. I think I would declare it broke and remove it...one less thing for someone to steal. I suppose all the clutter is how older people on the cusp of dementia in their own homes are soon inundated with clutter.
ReplyDeleteshe's had the shredder for years and used to use it quite a bit to shred her mail, or at least the part that has her address, because according to her (for years now) she doesn't want anyone getting a hold of her name and address?? I guess I should check the bin and see if there's even any shredded paper in it! Empty it out and then check every so often and see if she even uses it.
DeleteI love that you can keep an eye on your mom remotely. I've been curious about the Blink security camera you set up in her apartment. I'm not very tech savvy so this might be a dumb question. Do you access the video through a Cloud service that you pay extra for? And if not then did you have to download a special app and pay a monthly service charge for the remote accessibility? I have been researching security cameras and want one that will notify my smart phone of any movement. But it would also be nice to access live video like you are able to do. Thanks for any advice you can give on your experience with the Blink camera.
ReplyDeleteHi, I had to do some research before I got it, so your questions are the same ones I had! They have 2 different kinds of indoor. The Blink indoor (what I got) and the Blink mini. The blink mini is a standalone camera that has to be plugged in, so that wouldn't work for me. The indoor one is a small camera that runs on batteries, so can be placed anywhere. Then there is another small square device that is the "module" that you plug in and it connects to her wifi. There is an app for your phone and that is how you set up the account and add the device to the wifi. From this app is where I can view live, get motion notifications etc. This app is also where you do all the settings to your preferences. I guess it all used to be free, but now they charge for part of it, after 30 days, if you want that feature. So, after 30 days if I don't pay for it, I will only have access to live feed and motion notifications. The pay for part is when it senses a motion (if motion detection is "armed") it will record a short little video you can view. During this 30 day free trial I have found these little video clips useful for seeing what's going on. It seems very cheap to me to pay for it: one camera is $3/mo or $30 annual. If you have more than one camera (which I will) it's $10 a month or $100 if paid annual.
DeleteIt has 2 way talking, but I don't use that with her. She wouldn't know what is going on! But I do listen to her with the sound on, sometimes, but whenever I turn live feed on there is this clicking noise (I see alot complain of this in the reviews) that makes it a bit hard to hear over it. If she talks in a normal conversation voice I can usually hear what she is saying, but when she is just kind of talking low/mumbling to herself I can't really hear much. Overall I've found it very helpful and the price isn't bad, I don't think.
I meant to add that setting it up was really easy and the instructions are basic and easy to follow. The menu for the settings is also very user friendly and easy to understand.
DeleteYears ago I used to subscribe to the BBC Good Food Guide and at one point I had 20 years worth of issues, so you won't hear me knocking your mom for all those magazines. I got rid of some of them but still read through a few now and then because, of course, recipes are recipes. The prices they quote for food items however ......
ReplyDeleteI used to subscribe some magazines over the years and would keep maybe a years worth but then they always got to be too many and I threw them out. Now I don't subscribe to any.
DeleteThank you for that info. It was very helpful. I also want to give you a thumb's up for trying to reply to every comment. I know it's not always easy to do and sometimes a comment can get overlooked. There's a few sites I have visited that never reply to any comments and after awhile they lose followers. People like that feedback and personally, I appreciate getting it.
ReplyDeleteYou're more than welcome! I try to reply to all of them. I agree I read some blogs where people get all these comments and never reply to them and I'm always surprised they still always get so many comments.
DeleteI wonder if using her silverware, then washing it, then drying it and then putting it away in the correct drawer is a sequence of 3/4 steps that she is no longer able to complete. She knows to use it then to put it in the right place for the next step - but after that it isn't clear what the next step might be! Just a thought.
DeleteI'd find it hard not to step in and complete the sequence.
You've shown patience and sensitivity.
I think you might be right. The rest of the sequences probably seems overwhelming to her mind now. I honestly can't remember going over to my mom's house and ever seeing anything dirty in the sink. She kept a spotless house.
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