DD's feeling a bit of the intrusive MIL we all have probably experienced at one time or another, LOL.
They live about 60-90 minute drive from her DH's parents (and spend a lot of time with them anyway). Since DD and SIL have no desire to move back to that town (the one we moved away from) her in-laws are thinking of moving to where they live, when they retire in 2-3 years. They are also tired of the homeless and druggies that have literally taken over the once nice little town.
But her MIL just assumes she can make plans with them/for them. I guess they wanted to spend this past weekend staying at their house, to go looking at some properties to buy. She didn't even ask them if they had plans. Just says we're coming up to spend the weekend. LOL. Well, I guess SIL had to tell him mom, sorry we have plans to go camping this weekend, so we won't be home. So, I guess they just stayed at their house anyway, while they are gone all weekend.
DD said she also suggested they sync their phone calendars. DD said oh, hell no! LOL. DD said I can just see it....she knows my whole schedule and says "oh, you guys don't have anything going on that day/weekend, we'll do this together. haha!
Before we were married and my DH lived on his own, his mom called him ALL the time (this was before cell phones). When we got married we literally did not even have a telephone for a little while. I'm not sure how we managed that, since there weren't cell phones, LOL. As soon as we got one, MIL called ALL the time. Dinner time. And just about every Sunday morning at like 8am....we liked to sleep in back then! Finally, we just started turning our ringer off during dinner time and before we went to bed on the weekends. Eventually, she stopped calling so much. I'm pretty sure she's a big part of why both of DH's brothers moved their families states away, when they were younger, LOL.
The only good part of if her in-laws move nearby them, when they retire, is they plan to spend a lot of their time traveling in their rv.....
I have never been married so, I haven't experienced this first hand but I am a good observer and I find that intrusive MILs are mostly the mothers of the guys. My grandma on my father's side was like that and a lot of women complain about the same thing about their MILs.
ReplyDeleteyes, I think you are right, haha.
DeleteWell, at least your SIL can say no when she does make these requests. And hopefully MIL learns boundaries!
ReplyDeleteI asked her how her Dh was at handling his mom/parents and she said he was fine with telling her no, so that is good.
DeleteYes, it would be worse if your SIL couldn't say no! So hopefully they learn to fill their time with activities and other fun stuff esp if they fire up their RV!
DeleteI'm kind of surprised they'd move from their town. they have quite a few friends and are very involved with local politics/groups. If they move to where DD/SIL live they will only know them. Like you say, hopefully they will keep busy traveling around.
DeleteI am guessing like Susie Q mentioned because SIL is their only living kiddo, they would rather be closer to him (and if the town is going to hell in a hand basket even more incentive to move). I do hope they RV enough and explore. My mom is retired and while she hasn't moved, she is really enjoying it all!
DeleteI'm glad your SIL is able to say no to his mom!
ReplyDeleteme too! Though I'm kind of guessing it's only more when DD puts her foot down and says enough, LOL. DD likes to have a day or an evening at home to themselves every so often and that seem hard to do with his parents, who seem to have to be busy at all times. His mom can't even stand being home by herself.
DeleteIn 1998 we moved from Chicago to Northern Colorado to get away from his Mom, he's an only child. In 1999, she moved a mile away from us, then we moved to the other side of town, then we moved to Denver and the back to Steamboat where we lived on her property (different house) for 8 years, then we moved to Texas and now back to Denver. Thankfully she has stayed put, although we know at some point he will need to take care of her, meanwhile I will need to help out my Mom in Indiana within the next 3 years. Ought to be interesting.....
ReplyDeleteoh boy, you've tried, haha! I'm pretty sure that's why DH's brother moved. They couldn't deal with it. We probably would have had dh's dad come here, if we had gotten the house done before he passed. If you figure out a good way to help your mom from Denver, let me know. I'm going to be in the same boat in the coming years.
DeleteUnfortunately since they lost their daughter (isn't SIL now their only child living?) they probably feel a bit more pulled to him. If the daughter were still alive, the MIL would navigate more towards here, I would assume. I feel sad for them, but agree, the kids need to set boundaries NOW before kids come along or they will be the in-laws who just show up with a suitcase at the door on a Friday morning saying "Hi! We're here for the weekend!" :-/ Thankfully I've been fortunate with both my parents & my in-laws. They never showed up unannounced before calling. Never butted in to our business. I think that's why with all 7 of my siblings & myself, there has not been a divorce in the family (knock on wood!). Boundaries & consideration for others in a family is often lacking & that causes a lot of issues for people. Hope the kids can somehow gently convey this to DDs in-laws. It will save them a lot of stress down the road.
ReplyDeleteI was going to mention that too, that I'm sure it's been hard on them this past year, so naturally they are going to want to spend more time with SIL/DD.
DeleteMy mother was the best MIL EVER. My spouse and brothers were very lucky in that regard. My DH's mother, on the other hand, certainly had her share of moments.
ReplyDeleteLucky you! (or lucky dh, haha).
DeleteIntrusive MIL's are intrusive and it is not bound by the gender of their offspring. Generally wives do not see their mom's meddling as interference because they are used to it, but a MIL is a different story. The same goes for husbands.
ReplyDeleteI feel very blessed that all of my sons married women who are all very different from each other but all wonderful women.
Conversely, it is my privilege to know all of my DIL's mothers. I really do like each of them and they are all wonderful MIL's to my sons.
you are probably right, but it sure seems like it's the mothers of the men who are intrusive more often, LOL. I think the wives would also kind of know if their mom was being intrusive to their husbands, as they would probably complain about it, too, just as with the other way around. I know SIL's parents have had a hard time "letting him go" on to be an adult. He was almost 25, living at home, had a great job, but his parents didn't want him to move out on his own! I honestly think that is why he put in for a job transfer a few years ago, so he'd have to move out, haha!
DeleteI gave up a wonderful job in Switzerland when I married my ex because I felt I owed it to him to give it a shot in the States. Then I gave up a job at the World Bank in D.C. to move to Pittsburgh (I did NOT want to go), so that he could be near his family. And then my MIL started trying to organize my life for me. Her daughter pretty much NEVER gets out of first gear and the other brother is a deadbeat (seriously, prison and all). I couldn't stand it so eventually I told her that I had moved to Switzerland on my own at the age of 21, to the States at the age of 27 and I was NOT about to start letting her run my life like she tried to do. BUT, and fair play to her, she realized that I wasn't going to take it and she backed off. And to this day I have a lot of time for my MIL (her son, my ex - nah, hope I never see him again). And as a MIL myself now, in particular being the mother of the boys, I keep my distance because (a) I actually have a life of my own and (b) I now what an interfering MIL is. I love seeing my kids of course but they are married now.
ReplyDeleteOnce DH got his mom to stop calling every single day, sometimes more than once a day, she was pretty fine, otherwise.
ReplyDelete