Got a few things "administrative" done yesterday. I haven't heard back from the vet or the vet they are referring me to yet. I figured I would at least hear back by the end of the day yesterday, so I will call again this morning to follow up.
I also called the assisted living place across the way from mom's place. Boy, their website sure makes it sound like they kind of specialize in dementia residents, but I didn't really get that total feeling from the lady I talked with. She said they do have some residents with dementia and the only ones they can't have live there are if they can't feed themselves or if they try to leave the facility. They aren't equipped for that late stage, which is totally understandable. But they do offer full assistance (meds, hygiene, etc), have nurses on staff, and a doctor on call. They do housekeeping and all of the residents laundry (and she said they put it away for them) once a week. She is mailing me a packet of info that is supposed to have the apartment options and pricing.
As mom seems to be getting worse with what she can do for herself, I think this is probably where I'm going to move her. The other thing I've noticed, from the camera, is she hasn't gone down for breakfast at 8am in probably a week. So, she's not eating from dinner at around 5:30pm until noon the next day. NOT good. And not eating until lunch certainly can't be good for her brain and confusion. Kind of hard to concentrate when by noon you haven't eaten in 17 or 18 hours! I caught her on live camera yesterday, she must have been standing in her doorway (I can't see it with the one camera that is working right now) talking to her neighbor. It was a little after 10am and she asked the lady what time it was. The lady said "oh, I'm not sure I wasn't paying attention". Mom then turned and looked at her clock. Then mom said "did we have our meal (she may have said "meals") today?" The lady said "we had breakfast. I'm just heading down now to sit and visit and wait for lunch". Mom said oh ok, I'll be down in a few minutes. Then of course she forgot until just before lunch to go down.
So, last night when I called her at 6:30 to take her pills, I said to her "I hear you haven't been going down for breakfast lately"....she said "oh, I was there this morning - they must not know who I am". (LOL). I figured she would try the "oh, I have food in my apartment to eat" (which isn't true - she has cookies and candy). Then I just explained that she really needs to have breakfast every morning to help with her memory. "The doctor said you need your meals and nutrition". I suggested I start calling her at 7:15am to make sure she's up and can get ready. She wasn't up when I called this morning and of course didn't remember that I was going to call. She did get ready and went downstairs. I guess I'm just going to have to start calling her every morning.
Maybe the alarm clock setting on her new clock would work.....but I'm doubting it. First off, I can see she already unplugged the new clock/calendar I set up in her bedroom and set it out on her filing cabinet next to the other clock (not plugged int)! What in the heck! Second off, I'm not sure if she would know how to turn off the alarm in the morning? I might give it a try, though and see. Try setting it on her nightstand right next to her bed. Then if she goes back to sleep I can then call as a second reminder.
Starting today I'm also adjusting her time to take her pills to 6:30. She used to get back from dinner around 5:50 or so. Then it started being 6, then 6:10. The past week or so it's been 6:10. Well, she walks in her door and of course heads straight to her bathroom and is in there 5 minutes or so. Then her dispenser starts chiming. So, I'm going to try 6:30. See if she's settled in her apartment by then and maybe won't be thinking it's the phone ringing.
I hope the information from the new place is informative and useful! I found it so odd that their body does not tell them anymore that they are hungry. Even if you left a sign with when lunch time breakfast and dinner are, the brain would move it or perhaps have her unplug her clock, and she would not know to check the time. Sigh!!
ReplyDeleteI have realized that signs and notes do no good anymore. Her brain doesn't even register that they are there and if she does see it, she pretty much immediately forgets it. You would think she is hungry! I thought maybe, if she didn't get up in time for actual 8am breakfast time, she'd go down and get something from their snack area - coffee, danish or something, but I don't see she has been doing that either.
DeleteMy mom literally wouldn't think to eat if my dad didn't specifically mention it to her many days. I'm not sure we ever learned what that was about- she didn't have memory issues, just not much appetite.
ReplyDeleteMy mom could stand to lose a few pounds, but not this way. She's just going to need reminding now of what time it is and to get ready for breakfast :(
Delete( Anne Bee 🐝 ) I have read that loss of memory is linked to loss of appetite- and loss of thirst.
ReplyDeleteIt sure is interesting what the brain does. I don't think she's lost her appetite (she eats great) but I just think she can no longer remember if she ate or not. I could tell she was confused when she was chatting with the lady who lives across the hallway. Mom keeps thinking she is eating somewhere different/different room then this lady and I don't think this lady is catching on that mom is confused.
DeleteIt's good that you potentially have the option of the other place if her health is getting worse, but it must still be a very worrying time for you! You're really doing right by your mom though!
ReplyDeleteThe thought of having to move is a bit daunting, but she obviously is starting to need more assistance and reminders.
DeleteYour mom is very fortunate to have you.
ReplyDeleteHer neighbor might not realize that your mom has memory issues. I doubt she's the only one there with onset dementia.
I have a feeling she's not realizing it about mom. She seems to like to talk and talk, so mom doesn't usually get to say much. I'm sure she's not the only one there. When I have listened in a couple of their conversations and mom says something that is obvious she's confused neighbor doesn't really seem to catch on much.
DeleteI see that you need to move her to a new facility now. She needs to be taken care of. These are tough decisions that need to be made. As an only child, this is all on your shoulders but, that may be a blessing in disguise because, when there are more siblings involved, it might get even more difficult. Hope, she will like this new place too although, the first few days may be confusing. E-hugs and good luck!
ReplyDeleteI'm starting the process of finding a new place. I tend to put things off but figure if I can make this step to get a place picked out, when it's time, I'll be that much more prepared. I'm going to see if the new medication that I can get her started on this weekend/early next week makes any difference at all. If not, I'll get started with getting a new place and making arrangements to move her.
DeleteAlso you have to wonder if your mom is drinking enough or she could get a UTI and they cause confusion in the elderly.
DeleteYes just what I was worried about. Along with the eating concerns is the worry is she drinking enough? Dehydration can be so detrimental and contributed to confusion. I’m a home care RN and just my opinion but I think she really needs a higher level of care nowish as it sometimes takes time to get into places and think what a relief for you not to have to worry so much about her every day.
DeleteThat's a good thought to consider. I have read lots on the UTI's. My MIL used to get them in her last year or two and she'd suddenly get crazy and violent. Mom just had her checkup and all was good, but you are probably right about she is drinking less nowadays.
DeleteWhen I have a uti, I don't get crazy or violent. I just don't know what I am doing, forget what I did, say strange or wrong things, have poor judgment, not myself at all.
DeleteProbably because you don't have dementia. From the dementia caregivers page I follow, their loved ones get quite "off" when they get a UTI.
DeleteMy mom didn't have dementia but boy was she not right. She thought my kids were us, her daughters and once she told me there was a octopus on my bedroom floor.
DeleteEven in my much younger days, if I put up a note or reminder, the longer it stayed there, the less I noticed it. So, I am sure it is worse with a person with dementia.
ReplyDeleteI hope the waiting list is not too long so you can get her into the other place. Can you find someone to come in and do a few things for her in the meantime?
That's very true about notes - I am the same way. If I have to wait much to get her moved I will definitely hire someone to come in, even if it's for a couple hours a day.
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