DD ended up getting to spend about 4 1/2 hours with my mom yesterday, so that was good. After they got back to her apartment and put her groceries away, we then figured out her Verizon bill (speaker phone). Then DD said grandma decided to balance her checkbook (she had also just deposited some checks she had, while they were at the bank). DD said she just did the math in her head, like it was nothing.
Then mom decided she'd like to hang some of her pictures on the walls. We had bought her some hardware for hanging pictures when I was there, but didn't end up hanging anything. DD said while they were hanging pictures BF called, wondering where she was/what she was doing. When they got done and it was getting close time for dd to head home they went down to BF's apartment, so DD could say hello before she left. (he's basically bedridden). His daughter was there. They went into say hello to him and he tells DD that he called SB this morning because she's not doing very well. DD said she just kinda stood there stunned for a second. She said what she wanted to say was "well, then why didn't you call my mom?!". But, she just said "oh. I just spent 4 or 5 hours with her and I think she's doing great." She said even my mom kind of had a surprised look on her face. Then his daughter said "well, she wasn't feeling well this morning". My mom said well yes, I wasn't feeling very good when I first woke up, but I'm doing fine now.
HELLO FREAKING PEOPLE!! HOW ABOUT YOU GIVE THE WOMAN A BREAK FOR A DAY OR TWO?!!!! ISN'T IT OBVIOUS YOU ARE WEARING HER OUT HAVING TO BE AT HIS APARTMENT 20 HOURS A DAY?!! HOW ABOUT YOU TAKE 2 MINUTES TO MAKE SURE SHE TOOK HER MEDICATION IN THE MORNING, RATHER THAN CALLING SB?
She has not slept in her own bed for at least 2 weeks now. Basically, she's paying $3600 a month for a place to store her stuff!
And now instead of moving him to the place he's going to be staying/cared for on Monday, now it's been changed to Tuesday. Tuesday cannot come fast enough for me.
Why would they not call you??? BF must know that SB is no longer the one to really call? Very odd. SMH. They have so much to focus on with her BF's health, and their concern is nice but they could call you or suggest she calls you or DD.
ReplyDeleteDD realized what we've been thinking, her BF is the one behind all this with getting SB involved. He knows she/we are changing the DPOA, yet still calls him with his concerns for her. Makes me wonder if they've got something up their sleeve, once SB gets the revocation notice (dd is mailing certified today).
DeleteI sincerely hope he is not doing anything nefarious but you are right to have your guard up. and it is funny, because he kept saying you need to go down and see your mom, and now that you have he still is acting odd.
DeleteThey are USING your mom! I agree with you that she needs to cut ties with that family as soon as possible.
ReplyDeleteI agree they are using her. While I totally realize she loves him and wants to help him/them as much as possible, it's just not possible for her to keep it up at this level for this long. and she has a hard time (like a lot of us do) saying no to helping.
DeletePeople do crazy things when someone is terminal. My mom is caretaking her third husband (has outlived the others) and it's really hard work! I don't know your SB, but I can tell you from reading your blog that I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. Thank goodness you got that POA changed! And that you have a daughter who can visit and see what's going on. BF's kids need to take over more care and your mom needs to get her own life back. I hope Tuesday makes things better!
ReplyDeletethank you. I am hoping so, too. Too much going on for her and that makes it harder on her memory it seems.
DeleteIt's a good thing your DD was there and could set them straight. Your poor mom is getting worn out taking care of her BF. :(
ReplyDeleteI'm glad she was there, too. She'll be down there again in a little over 10 days, so that's good too.
DeleteI am very glad that the DPOA got done. I do think most of your mom's memory issues are due to fatigue. Once she settles into a new routine where she can get enough sleep, eat well and generally take care of herself, I am sure she wll do much better. The BF and SB sound fishy to me. Either something is up or the BF is too old and is stuck with certain ideas.
ReplyDeleteI think you are right. The fatigue and too much going on really seems to affect her memory. I think BF is just too old and stuck in his ways. Most likely thinks she needs a "man" to take care of her finances and things, so enlisted SB.
DeleteI just had a thought. Is BF expecting your mom to visit/stay with him every day/night when he gets moved to his new place like she does now? That would really make it worse for her. Has it been discussed with his children?
ReplyDeleteHe's being moved to like a full time nursing home place, so there'd be no way she could stay there. She's hardly driving much now and she's even said once he moves she probably won't see him. I told her they can talk on the phone every day and DD can take her to visit him on her next visit.
DeleteUnreal!
ReplyDeleteI would be livid too!!
I hope your weekend is going better:)
Take care, Monica
thank you! Mom did feel somewhat better yesterday, so that is good.
DeleteThe whole boyfriend and SB seems odd. Make sure you explain really well to your mom that she doesn't sign anything unless your daughter (since she is close) sees it. Wouldn't surprise me that they talk your mom into changing things back. You might consider taking a road trip back and let your SB know you're in charge of helping your mom.
ReplyDeleteit's odd to me, too. I really don't even get why SB would want that responsibility BF put on him. Other than maybe 2 years ago he didn't realize how much work it would involve once she really started needing help. Because as soon as she did, he was then telling me I needed to do this or that!
DeleteYour mother sounds like her faculties are intact. Have you considered having someone look into elder abuse...like BF's children as abusers of your mother expecting her to take care of their father. I would make it plain again, the sb is out and you are in charge. Can you just move her near you before she develops friends and routines she does not want to leave?
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's abuse, but it's certainly taking advantage of her caring nature. We have started looking into places near DD, to see what is up there.
DeleteCheck it out. Taking advantage is abuse. Glad it is all getting better.
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