Ya'll are probably sick of hearing about my mom! Sorry. I'm going to go
with my gut instinct on this. I think the reason I have kept holding off
emailing SB back anything related to any of this is because when it
comes right down to it, I know I just need to keep my mouth shut (as
Anne said) until we change the POA. When it comes down to it, the fact
that SB (and her BF) didn't make sure I knew he was getting the POA
speaks volumes, in and of itself. Even if he thought she told me, SB
should have made sure I knew. While I think her BF is a very fine man, he has no business deciding who takes care of my mom and the fact that earlier last week BF made SB promise that "the family" would take care of her when he is gone, yet he said nothing to me, over the 3 days I was there, about him wanting to make sure I took care of her, when he is gone, is very telling to me.
I've been calling my mom around 9:30 her time each morning. Seems to be a good time. So far, her BF's daughter shows up to care for him and then mom can go back to her apartment. This time she asked if I would help her figure out refilling her prescriptions, based on a letter from her insurance plan coordinator saying she should try to renew any before the end of the year and the plan changes (not that I can imagine why that should make any difference, it's still same insurance company). I'm guessing it was kind of a generic letter to all the insured, because this year they had the option to choose plans from other insurance companies as well. She stayed on same insurance company.
Now that I (finally) have a master list of her passwords (and made one for her), I see she has 2 that are due for refill before the end of the year. Her Omeprazole (Prilosec) is due to refill in about 2 weeks. Well....I know she has way more than that left in her current prescription bottle! So, obviously she has been missing doses. And I'm sure she's been missing doses of all of them. And most likely why over the past 6 months or so she kept having days off and on where she wasn't feeling so well!
Apparently this mail order pharmacy does not automatically send the next 90 day supply, as my mail order pharmacies I have used does. Maybe they do and I don't need to "request refill" online. I'm kind of tempted to just wait until 11/16 (when the next one is due to refill) and see if it auto refills. She is nowhere near out of her current bottle, so it's not like she needs it right now. Knowing if they auto refill would save me something else to have to do/remember.
I was thinking it's kind of funny/ironic that if I had been the one chosen to help my mom with the sale of her house I would have done it a bit differently! First off, it certainly wasn't an "emergency" that she had to move immediately, so lets plan ahead a bit. I would have had her wait a couple of weeks to list it. Give her a couple of weeks to figure out what she was keeping and taking with her and what needs to go and how/who to get rid of it. Then, once she got an offer there is no way in hell I would have allowed a ridiculous 10 day close! That was just plain dumb. There was no way she was ready to move in 10 days! Even with help. It was so stressful on her. She wasn't able to get rid of everything, so when the movers came they just packed it all up and stuff she really didn't need ended up in her new small apartment. Then BF complained about dealing with that (they did take stuff to Goodwill, I guess). Not to mention, as of Oct. 27 (she moved Sept 29) the buyers of her house hadn't even moved in yet! There was no reason to only let her have 10 days.
She gets stressed or overwhelmed, she gets more forgetful. It's not rocket science!
I think you're right to go with your gut instinct. It doesn't mean the others had bad intentions but YOU are her daughter and have every right to take control. Hugs to you!
ReplyDeletethank you :) I appreciate your advice and support
DeleteYes, stick with your gut!
ReplyDeleteI've never been very good at reading my gut instincts, but whatever happens with it all I will be fighting for my mom!
DeleteI think it a bad intention to deliberately cut you out of the loop. He probably didn't want you to be aware of what was happening. He sounds controlling and at some point could point out to authorities what all he had to do because of your negligence/inattention.
ReplyDeletePrilosec has been implicated in dementia onset. I have to take similar but I cannot stop taking them.
yes, like you said the fact that he didn't make sure I understood what was going on with him getting POA is very telling. I'm not really feeling like I was negligent or inattentive. I had sat down with her a few years ago and filled up some pages in a notebook with all her info, bills, medications, insurance, dr names, logins/passwords, she had put me on her checking and retirement accounts, etc. I was doing the spam email monitoring behind the scenes, etc. Her memory issue hadn't gotten to the point she needed to move until just the past few months. It literally just never occurred to me to let him know all I was doing for her! He really wasn't even in her life and me being her only child, I didn't feel I needed to let anyone else know.
DeleteHonestly, I feel like he suddenly started involving himself in her life around mid August and she's been going downhill fast since!
I hadn't heard of the Prilosec causing dementia onset but had heard of her anxiety meds possibly causing. Her dr. did cut her dosage of the anxiety med in half, but he didn't seem concerned. I've always had a feeling that these meds she's on, so long term, are causing it.
Is it possible for you to call your mom's pharmacy and asking if they have her meds on auto refill? I have my meds on auto refill, but, occasionally, the pharmacy texts me to ask if I need it refilled, or I have to call in a refill.
ReplyDeleteI did call her mail order pharmacy she uses and they do not have auto refill, yet. She said they should have that available soon. So, for now we either have to get online and click on refill (which I did) or she has to call it in.
DeleteIs there a way to switch to a plan with auto-fill? I know you do not neglect her.
ReplyDeleteI asked and her mail order pharmacy said they do not have that option yet but are working on adding it. Thank you.
DeleteAh the pharmacy issues. Both my sister and I are in town with Mom but we have to be diligent about not only maintaining her daily meds but also about filling them. It is a battle, but now that we have nearly around the clock care, she does get all medicines on time and she can't get mad with Jan or I for making her take them.
ReplyDeleteat least she is already set up on mail order, that makes it pretty easy to deal with. My inlaws both took so many meds and none on mail order and FIL (or SIL at the end) was having to constantly go to the pharmacy. I kept telling them to do mail order, but they were worried that their mailbox gets broken into.
Delete