As of now, I am scheduled on Monday for a notary to come so I can sign my refinance loan documents. I even sent my lender an email yesterday afternoon asking if the appointment has been confirmed and she sent me the name and phone# of the notary. He seems experienced and not a flake from what I can find on him. He's also a pastor, his towns police chaplain, and the notary review website says he's done like 600 loan signings. Let's hope he actually shows up!
We sure had a nice couple of days weather wise. It got to 60 yesterday. Not that it's going to stay like that, haha. But at least today is mid 40's, so I shouldn't be too cold getting the chicken coop cleaned out and new bedding put in.
One of the things I took from my moms the other day was an old checkbook register. She doesn't need it for anything and I figured one less thing for her to have in her desk drawer. I have her old checks and the the register just after that one. Well....in looking through it, the strange money conversation I had with uncle recently is starting to make more sense! Back in early 2018 she, for some reason, was sending him $700 a month for several months (who knows how long before that register started). Then July of 2018 she sent him $24,000!! Between that time and when I moved her here, almost a year ago, she also wrote him a few more checks ranging from $2.000 to $3500, which next to his name she wrote "loan". In that same time period, up until last April (I moved her in May) she also wrote my son several checks ranging from $1000 - $2000. Not one deposit is recorded showing either of them have ever paid her any money back. So, since I moved her here neither of them have gotten a dime, so I'm sure uncle's "suggestion" that since she (supposedly) keeps offering him money, to just send him some......ya....uh huh...It obviously worked with her in the past, but now that I'm handling her money, it's not working. I do recall him one time saying that "a long time ago she sent me a bunch of money, that she said she wanted me to have, but I don't need it, so it's in my safe deposit box". Sure....like when he dies we're going to find all this money in a safe deposit box. (snorting my coffee through my nose).
It also probably explains the last conversation I had several months ago with my son. He wanted to know (like it's any of his business?) "who's in charge of grandma's will"? I said well, grandma is in charge of her will and what she puts in it. Do you mean who is the executor? He said ya. I now have a feeling he really was trying to ask who has POA for her, but didn't know the correct terminology. Because he was trying to figure out if I have POA, then he's not getting to her money anymore.
One of my FB friends, who is conservative made a post about "tell me what you like about the Democrat party." One of his friends, who is liberal made this long reply, listing all the platforms she supports and then says "want more?" I asked a simple straightforward question that I would like more detail on what one of her statements meant. Her reply back was "seriously?". That's not the first time I have very simply just asked someone to expand on what they mean and gotten "seriously?" as the reply. Apparently I am just too stupid. So, my reply back to her was I'm sorry I am so uneducated and unaware. I didn't realize asking you for more detail wasn't appropriate. Too bad common courtesy wasn't included in your list of things you love and support about the democratic party. Have a good day!
No wonder I hate people, LOL.
Oh wow, I'm so glad that you took over handling your mom's finances. It seems like she really was being taken advantage of - and that's so sad!
ReplyDeleteI am too. It's not that she can't afford it, but it's her money, not theirs.
DeleteWow! If you hadn't taken over her finances, I am sure your step-brother's prediction would come true. That is a lot of money especially to his brother who claims that he doesn't need it. I am a bit softer on the money she gifted your son because, he probably needs the money and grandparents like gifting cash.
ReplyDeleteI think you made very wise choices for her and taking really good care of her.
Son does need the money, but he's also put himself 100% in the position he is in and at some point he needs to grow up and take responsibility for his own decisions and finances.
DeleteSo, now you know! It is amazing how the uncle thought you would never know or did not care. I'm glad you found that register. Yes, there was probably more before that and you can figure out how much with info from the bank. I am so glad you found out what he was doing.
ReplyDeleteI get the same type response from Republicans, too. One friend rants and then when I question him, he says, "You can believe what you want to believe or listen to the truth." ??? I just ignore him.
I'm sure I'll come across her older registers at some point, but if it comes up that they want money again, I at least can now say, but she gave you $$ already, and nothing was paid back...
DeleteFirst, I hope Father Notary can finally come on Monday (the way it's going it would take Jesus to get it signed it seems, haha!)
ReplyDeleteAs for the money, wow.... If you hadn't taken over then SB would have been right she wouldn't have had much. A shame that she has it written in as loan, and your uncle knows that money is never being repaid. That is over 30k in less than five years. My gosh.
Father Notary! I love it, haha! You are so right - it's going to take an act of God to get this signed, LOL.
DeleteVery interesting. Since she has the checks recorded as loans, as executor do you deduct the “loan” from each person’s inheritance when the time comes? Based on the check register and your Uncle’s own words, is that sufficient? Otherwise, it would seem unfair to the other inheritors such as DD, yourself, applicable step-siblings... In any case, it certainly would impact your trust and faith in those who have been taking advantage of the situation. It’s good you know and this has certainly answered many questions, but I’m sorry for any pain the knowledge has caused. Perhaps your step-brother thought you were okay with all of this and that was why he was trying to step in. I think it will be telling to see if she wrote checks/loans to him vs her grandson and her brother. Again, so sorry for any pain/loss of faith in family this knowledge has caused.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, it's not worth it to me to try to deduct the loans. Money and family sucks 100% (I know this from dh's sister). I do not see any checks written to my SB, and this register period was about the time he started getting involved. Mostly it verifies the hunches I've had about my mom giving my uncle money.
DeleteI would definitely explore how to include the "loans" into the final will/trust disbursement. That way, it's documented and legally binding. And keep those check copies as proof!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's not worth it to my sanity to follow up on it. Too much stress. Thankfully, it was realized early on, while she still has a buttload of money, and she will be fine financially from here on out. I've always read that don't ever "loan" family or friends money, always just consider it a gift. They got their gifts.
DeleteSorry about your Mom - my sister and brother took "loans" from my mom until there was nothing left. And good luck with the notary! Fingers crossed.
ReplyDeleteI suspect my politics are very different from yours - but I and my friends that are democrats would happily and willing engage in conversation about political issues. And I have friends with very different politics that I do have those conversations with. The "seriously" comment was both uncalled for and probably indicative that they are just saying things they have heard and don't actually understand. Problem on both sides. I wish more people would be willing to engage in really conversations about ideas and not just repeat jargon/slogans.
Yes, I agree. Politics by sound bites is killing real ideas and conversations, and perpetuates hypocrisy as people pick and choose which sound bite fits what they want to prove and think does so.
DeleteThat's all I was asking - for the person to expand on their "talking point" as I truly would like to know what it all encompasses. I can take someone's different view, if they can articulate it and explain it. Doesn't mean I agree with it.
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