Monday - already?! Those 4 days off went too fast, but sure felt good. Of course, I'm still trying to get through all my work emails from just two days off. I've at least gotten through all the important ones. Our weather has turned beautiful and in the 60's. Some 70's degree days this week coming. Spring is here finally. Thursday I just pretty much relaxed and didn't do much. DH was out at the property all day. Friday morning I dropped him off at the property and I went to the city to get some grocery shopping done. I also went through the car wash before I headed back for home. The drive from the property to the city took me about 40 minutes. There was some road construction going on, so if there wasn't that I'm estimating we'll be about a 35 minute drive from the city, once we move.
Friday the mixer trucks came and concrete pouring was started. The footing and walls are poured for the shop and the footings are poured for the house. This week they are getting the forms set for the house foundation walls and are supposed to pour Wednesday or Thursday, as well as the floor for the shop. Lots of concrete! At the end of the day on Friday I stopped at our town grocery store little deli and picked up some fried chicken and joes and took it out to DH and the 3 young guys who were just finishing up.
No construction work went on over the weekend, which was good, so DH could rest up some. He still stayed busy though. Mowed the lawn,worked on his drone videos and then in the afternoon he started on assembling the water yard hydrants system he is making. I just helped hold things and fetch things. It took us a few hours to get it all done. Yesterday was a rest day. He worked on his drone videos and pictures again, so that kept him busy, but sitting and resting for several hours. I got naps in both Saturday and Sunday, while he was doing that.
Then at 10pm last night the phone rings. DH is like "well, that's can't be good". It was his sister (an hour earlier where she is) to tell him about their parents. I guess FIL called her that he needed her to come over and help as he wasn't feeling well and too weak to take care of MIL. Since she got out of hospital recently, she hasn't regained any strength to even walk with her walker, so he has to carry her to bathroom and in and out of bed and to her chair, etc. SIL told DH she doesn't know what to do. She can't care for one of them, let alone both (she has a full time job) and if she even mentions that they it's time to put MIL in a care home, they both freak out. I told DH she needs to be in a care home! That's really all there is to it. But, what do you do when they both refuse? Then SIL mentioned something again about selling the house.....ya! we've all been saying that needs to be done for the past year. At a minimum those two need to be in a small one level house. As I mentioned in a previoius post about this situation - MIL is only going to keep getting worse than she already is. I think they all just want to keep thinking they've been able to (sort of) handle it as she is and she will just stay the same. SIL had to go up there one night, week before last, because MIL's heart was racing and FIL didn't know what to do. They called 911, but after the medics got there she stabilized so they didn't feel she needed to go to the hospital.
At some point ( now)'the children need to switch roles and become parents. MIL needs to be in a nursing home. It is unrealistic to even try to find a single caregiver who can carry her around. FIL probably needs assisted living. Hopefully they can afford it. An eldercare attorney needs to be contacted to review their assets and determine Medicare/Medicaid eligibility. They will want none of this but it is unfair of them to expect you to give up your careers to care for them full time. It is going to be a difficult process but neither of them is likely to get better and if either one does it won't be a lasting state.
ReplyDeleteyes, I was just looking at medicaid eligibility, even for in home care. We don't know their finances (SIL does) but I would think they qualify or at least it wouldn't take long to "spend down" any liquid assets she has. It seems confusing to me, since only one spouse needs it at this time. It does sound like their house would be considered exempt, since they are married, especially as I know it's not worth much. I know they both get ss benefits and have FIL's pension they draw from, but I don't know how much. Not enough for them to be able to afford assisted living place, so I would think they might qualify for medicaid. Her medical expenses have to be pretty expensive each month - on oxygen and all the meds she has to take.
DeleteThe SIL needs to talk with their doctor and give him all the details. A home health nurse may do a home study (happened with my grandmother). They can become the "heavy" and force the issue. In my grandmother's case she was sent to an adult foster home and the family could visit as often as they liked. Unfortunately going this way takes some or a lot of the control away from the family so that needs to be factored in to the equation also. There is no easy answer and most of us don't want to admit we need that degree of assistance.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like good advice. Hopefully SIL can take charge and get this figured out. I'm surprised she's not more able to find resources for the info on eldercare. She works for the state as a child social worker. You'd think she'd know more how to check into how to go about it.
DeleteDealing with the needs of the elderly in not an easy road to travel. I agree with Karen regarding consulting with an eldercare attorney. It will be money well spent as there are a lot of dos and don'ts. Also, when the need arises (as it sounds like it is in your in-laws case) where a child needs to step in and make decisions, having the proper paperwork (POA, etc) in place will make it a whole lot easier. I'm going through this right now with my 90 year-old father. Thankfully several years ago he did get his finances, etc. in order via an eldercare attorney. Right now he doesn't like some of the decisions I am making, but I'm actually honoring decisions HE made when his mind was 100%.
ReplyDeleteI think they have done that with SIL, from what she's said. She said she will also be the executor of their will. I think she knows what needs to be done, she's just having a hard time being the one for force the issue with them. She's always been the tough one, she must be getting soft in her old age LOL
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