DH has a good friend who lives about a half hour away. They met years ago when they both worked for the same company and friend then moved to this area to settle, marry, have a family. He and his wife built a very nice house a little over 2 years ago. They have a nice big shop and it's all very nicely landscaped. All work that friend did himself. He's a hard worker and likes things to look nice.
He complains a lot to DH - his wife and 2 teenage kids are no help at all. Both he and his wife work full time. The kids are very able bodied teenagers (boy and girl) but they have never been required to do any chores. They have a dog about 2 or 3 years old. He's pretty well mannered and not a problem (other than of course he poops). They also have a 9 month old or so puppy who is a complete terror. The kids and wife just had to have him, but of course they do nothing to help train and take care of him. They now have 2 dogs pooping in the yard and no one wants to scoop poop. They didn't worry about it when it snowed and now of course see their nice yard is covered (they have a huge yard front and back) in poop everywhere. Friend will just end up cleaning it all up himself, rather than keep fighting with wife and kids over getting some help. One time friend got home from work and told the girl to go pick up the poop in the dog kennel. She didn't do it and her reply was "no, you just asked if I would do it....you didn't say I had to". And wife backs up the daughter about it. If they are home the kids just play video games and watch tv.
DH tries to "suggest" solutions. Have the kids take turns every day scooping up poop. It's about a 10 minute job. That's what our kids did! It was one of their jobs, as well as DD emptied the dishwasher and DS took out the garbage.
Friend also likes a clean house inside, which isn't happening whatsoever. They have this beautiful custom home and no one wants to pick up after themselves, so friend is crabby and grumpy and the wife and kids complain that he's angry and in a bad mood, so they make him take an antidepressant. I'm not sure he's the one with the problem!
Again, DH tries to suggest "what is so bad about having the kids help out and have some regular chores?" Friend makes excuses for the kids and wife isn't on board, so of course there is your problem right there. They have school and the boy has sports (always) so they shouldn't have to "work" too. I don't get it. No matter what, our kids had to help when told/asked. If there was a one time yard project or clean up, they were expected to help, in addition to their regular chores. And we were busy with kids activities too.
I will say it is much easier to keep up a clean house when you don't have kids around! It's made a world of difference in how I am able to keep up now. But, the friends still have a few years before that happens. Their girl is 16 and sounds like she can't wait to "be gone" at 18 but the boy is only 13. I have to laugh at someone like their daughter, who thinks she'll have life easier when she's on her own. LOL.Who then does she think is going to do all the stuff her dad does? (Plus he's the one who usually cooks their dinners)
They are always out and about going to sports, camping summer weekends, bbq's, etc. which makes it pretty hard to do housework or keep up with yard maintenance when you are never home. I think friend (and wife) wanted this nice home and yard, but really had no idea what it takes to keep it up, so now they are having strife and unhappiness. You can't have it all. If you want a nice house (and can't afford to hire someone else to take care of it) then you'll have to give up some other activities. That's just the way it is.
I feel for the guy. Sounds like his kids (and wife) need a swift kick in the ass and take him for granted. I see that way too often. It's easy to say put your foot down and make your family do it...But who knows how obnoxious they all are. He probably finds it easier to do it himself and just vent to a friend.
ReplyDeletethat's pretty much what DH says to me. Friend has said he just finds it easier to do himself them to constantly have to argue with them about it. I told DH, that while DH is the kind of person who likes to resolve problems, friend is probably more just wanting to vent then have someone tell him how to fix it.
DeleteI hear ya! What is frustrating about this is; he is complaining to your husband who is sincerely offering ideas out of experience and the same guy who does the complaining makes up all sorts of excuses as to why his family "cannot" do chores. A girlfriend of mine got married to another friend many years ago and she started complaining about her husband's sloppiness. When I offered ideas, she would say "but I cannot wait until he trips over his stuff, I must put things in order" and stuff like that. After a while, I started getting mad at my girlfriend and when I realized that I told her how I felt. So, she at least stopped complaining to me and we are still friends. Her husband btw is an excellent, smart fellow, a great dad to their two daughters and a very attentive husband.
ReplyDeletethat is the frustrating part for DH. He likes to solve problems LOL. Wife is super nice and enjoyable to be around, she just doesn't want to put in the work for the house
DeleteHonestly sounds like he's creating the problem. Making excuses for them, just enables the lazy, entitled behavior. That entire family needs an ass kicking. The wife....yikes. Parents should be on the same page. My kids are little, 6 and almost 2, and already have "chores" lol. I'd rather be the "mean mom" who makes them do things, than raise them into whiny, lazy adults!
ReplyDeleteThey all need a reality check (kick in the butt!) Like I told DH, well friend has 3 choices: Pay someone else to take care of it (not going to happen unless they win the lottery), make everyone start being responsible and helping, or just let it go and stop complaining about it.
DeleteTime for this friend to go on strike? Probably wouldn't solve the problem as it doesn't sound like the wife and kids would even care. Sad situation.
ReplyDeleteit is sad. Those kids don't know how nice they have it with a brand new custom house and shop, beautiful yard, 14 acres, etc. They have 2 riding lawn mowers - easy peasy and the kids don't even have to help with that. They have like 3 acres of lawn, so it's a job to mow and friend does it all on his own.
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