DH spent the day with his friend on Saturday. He said they really didn't discuss friends problem(s) with the wife and kids not helping with the house and yard.......until the end of the day when they stopped somewhere to get some dinner. Then DH kind of got the even bigger picture. Not good. Sounds like friend is leaning towards a divorce, which is sad. I know there's two sides to every story, but I can sure kind of see his point as to why even be married.
Money, of course, is always a problem for most. What is the best way for a married couple to handle their money? For us, it has always been "jointly". We have one bank account. Our paychecks always went into the same account and bills were paid (by me, because that's just my accountant nature). There's never been a your money and my money. (other then a couple of bonus checks I received that I didn't tell DH about because I didn't want him to just blow and I put in savings. I didn't spend it on me).
Friend has been married 20 years now. In their relationship her money is her money. Though he knows how much she makes (quite a bit more than him) he never sees her paycheck or her money. He doesn't even have access to her checking account. Now, this might be a good thing if he were a spender, but he is not, he's a saver and she's apparently the spender. Again, this might work for some married people, but get this.....his bank account is joint with her! I don't get it. Her money is her money, but his money is her money too. How does that work? Obviously, it's not or it wouldn't be an issue for him.
He never knows what she has for credit cards. When they applied for the loan to build their house, he found out she had $20k in credit card debt he didn't know about, so because of that debt to income ratio hit, they had to wait 6 months for her to get it paid down to qualify. She has a car payment. He drives an old truck because that's all he can afford. He pays the majority of the house payment (she give him some towards it) and pays some other household bills. She pays a couple bills, her car payment and some of the food, kids clothes and stuff.
I could get handling money this way if both people make a LOT of money and have a LOT of money. But between the two of them, they make about what I make a year. Nothing extraordinary.
I guess I just don't get the being married and keeping money separate and splitting up bills. Especially when one makes more than the other - doing it that way would make the one who makes/has less always feel like they were broke. Let alone, there isn't much discussion on what purchases they make, because they don't do it as a couple.
Add in that kids are allowed to be mouthy and disrespectful to him and no wonder he doesn't want to be there anymore. Wife allows this disrespect and when he gets upset about it they all act like he's the one with the problem. He does the grocery shopping and usually makes dinner. DH told him that he really didn't know what to tell him. He said if my wife had a husband who does all that you do, she'd be in heaven. If I had a wife like yours I'd probably be divorced. He did tell friend he needs to back up the OCD a knotch (this coming from someone is same way LOL) - that the carpet doesn't need to be vacuumed EVERY day just because he likes to see the line marks from the vacuum! But, on the flip side - yes they all need to pick up the damn dog poop that is everywhere: lawn, driveway, sidewalks, even inside garage!
I'm sure they will work it out and are just going through a rough patch, like we all do at times. I just found their money situation to be very strange, especially when they've been married for 20 years and have two kids. It might be a perfectly good way to do it, for some, but obviously it's not working for them, because friend is feeling resentful about it.