I'm sitting here this morning trying not to be "mom". Trying to just let my 21 year old take care of himself and his life. This isn't even anything serious, really. But, it's totally nagging at me and driving me crazy! He's been working for the computer repair shop just about every day. It's in the town where his GF goes to school - about a 45 minute drive from here. So, he stays at her apartment all week and comes home on the weekends.
He came home last night because GF was leaving on vacation with her family, but he told me last night he is working today, so he will have to drive back down there this morning. I asked what time he had to be at work and he said 8:30am. Well, here it is 7:40 and he's still sleeping! I can't stand it. Drive me absolutely nuts and he's always doing this. Usually, if I wake him up it's plenty of time before he has to leave and he most likely would have gotten up and given himself 20 minutes to shower, dress and walk out the door. So...I decided to wait and give him that time - just in case he really is going to get himself up. He should be walking out the door right now.............How do I start letting go and just let him do his own thing? I know as soon as I finish this post I'm going to get up and go ask him if he's supposed to be up or what....
Ok, I couldn't even wait for that. I just HATE being late and if he's going to live here he's not going to be late for important stuff like work. Geez. I just said to him - aren't you supposed to be down at work in 45 minutes? He looked at his phone and said "yes". So, then I said "didn't you set your alarm?" and his reply was "I think it's set for 7:45". Huh? How does that work? I gave up and just walked out and of course now wished I had just let him sleep and deal with it himself. I have never once had to worry his sister - she has never been late a day in her life. How can they be so different?
I'd definitely say let him sleep in next time. Yes, you're trying to be a mom, but you wont always be next to him to wake him up, and he needs to start figuring these simpler things out. Being late for work should hopefully kick him into full gear and let him get his times straight... I hated, HATED being late, but my parents were chronic late people and made sure everyone in the house was late too...
ReplyDeleteThey are different because they ARE different!lol
ReplyDeleteEach is his/her own person. My 3 are all very different.
You need to let it go. Really you do.
At 21 it's time to let him stand or fall on his own.
I know it's probably harder to be hands off since he is still living under your roof.
If he was living elsewhere it would be easier to be hands off, though I suspect things would still bother you, these things he does that you don't like.lol But at least the distance would help you to let go of it easier.
Maybe I'm strange but when my 18 yr old daughter left for college I didn't worry about her(ok I worried a little at first), or insist she call constantly to check in, or want her to come home on weekends. It was leave the nest time-flap your wings or fall time. If she had stumbled I would have been right there if she had ASKED me for help. But it's her life and I needed to step aside and let her live it her way.
Then she moved home after 1 year and transferred to a school where she can live at home again.
Other than basic ground rules, at almost 20, she is free to come and go and spend her time as she sees fit. I don't get her up in the morning, I don't cook her food(unless she asks to eat with us and I'm cooking a meal anyway), I don't shop for her groceries(tho I do pay for them), and I don't do her laundry. If she goes out, she has to let us know that and when she expects to be home. I don't keep tabs on who she sees or what she does. If she wants to share, that's fine but I don't meddle(as she calls it)in her life.
She decided to drop a class, one which we paid for. There was no refund from the school. She was required to pay us back for this class....and she did.
Raise them right and make sure their are consequences for their actions and let them go. ;-)
When he's staying at his GF's I don't even give it a second thought. If I hadn't asked him last night what time he started work (I only asked since I really didn't know what time the store opened and was just curious) I would've just assumed he wasn't working or worked later. Baby steps I guess. I did wait longer than I normally would have to wake and ask him if he was supposed to be up - LOL.
ReplyDeleteHe is free to come and go as he pleases and he's really good about letting us know if he's leaving and when he thinks he'll be back. I'm sure his GF is probably the one getting him up when he's at her place..
When my DD goes to college I won't worry about her one bit - she is so self sufficient and responsible.
I think his alarm was set for being at the girlfriend's apartment. I would have checked myself if it was my daughter. She's really good about getting to work on time, in fact so much so when she was running a few minutes late one day her boss called to see if she was okay. Of course now if she could just be quiet in the morning when she gets ready for work that would be great.
ReplyDeleteShelly - you are probably right! He only has a 5 minute drive from her place :-)
Deleteout of sight out of mind......when the kids were away at university, yes I was concerned about them, but I tended to worry more when they were home. Our son was the same, left it until the last minute before getting up, drove me crazy.
ReplyDeleteHang in there he'll be back at his girlfriends soon enough.....
Gill
Yep - I'd say next time let him learn the hard way.........Actions have Consequences.
ReplyDeleteBut don't be so hard on yourself.... It's not easy to go from mommy mode to hands off after 21 years of perfecting your craft. 8-)
ReplyDeleteGetting out of mommy mode is hard. It took me at least three months to stop calling my son in the morning to go to work. You will get there!
ReplyDeleteI would probably wake him up. I wake up my hubby if I think that he's sleeping too late when he needs to work. He gets annoyed because he says his alarm will go off in about 5 minutes. Anyway, you just don't want him to be late for work.
ReplyDeleteyou have just described my son and daughter to a tee! you have my sympathies, I rang DS last week to see if he had his final results ( after 6 years!) and he told me he's not sure when the results are coming out!! huh??? just walk away and take a deep breath
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