Yesterday, during lunch dh, and I ran into town to pick up the air filter for my car we had to order. As usual this auto parts store hardly stocks anything and always have to go back and get it in a day or two. Then we get back home with it and it's the wrong one. The part number was right but the filter wasn't the one for my car.
Kitty has quickly learned he wants to go to bed with me. Last night as soon as I walked into the bedroom to get ready for bed he jumped up on the bed. He was a good boy and slept next to me until dh came to bed at little after 1:30am. He tried to be good then, but he's a cat, LOL. Five minutes in, dh laying there still and kitty pounced on his chest, LOL.
Last evening I got a notification mom hadn't taken her evening pill. Most often she actually takes it a bit early. It will notify me if she hasn't taken it after 15 minutes. During that 15 minutes the machine would have chimed at her for a little bit every 5 minutes and it will remind her for 30 minutes, every 5 minutes. So, I decided to wait until the 30 minutes were up. Then as I was going to call dh texted me to help him with something out in the shop, so it was another 10 minutes before I got to call her. Her phone went right to voicemail. Ok...phone is not charged...and I'm like oh cool, I can call her landline! No answer. Well, she must be either at her guy friends or outside her apartment visiting with someone. I tried one more time about 15 minutes later. Finally, an hour after she was supposed to take it I got the notification she took them. I don't think it was chiming anymore to remind her, so it's good that she remembered on her own she still needed to take the pill.
I did the training meeting for our new phone system. Should be easy. Just like we've been using to call internally, now we'll be able to make and take external calls. The only one it sounds like it will be harder for to get used to is our receptionist, who of course, had lots of questions on it, since she's the one who has to take incoming calls and get them transferred. The problem I think she is seeing is that our old system let the call bounce back to her if the person didn't answer so she could try to find another person (say they are just asking for customer service). This new system just dumps the call into the person's voicemail if they don't answer. From all her questions it almost sounded like she wasn't even consulted on this big change and what challenges it might cause her. You'd think she'd have been the first person the management would have worked through this with.
I had ordered some food stuff for Thanksgiving from Walmart online. Usually they are really good about packing things that might break or leak. Well, not this order. There were 3 jars of gravy in it, one was broken and a mess all inside. I can't believe it hadn't started leaking, so I'm guessing it must have gotten broken loading on the van. I didn't bother notifying Walmart for a $1.78 credit. It wasn't worth my time yesterday.
Woke up to a bit of snow on the ground and it's still lightly snowing. I must have banged my elbow on something and not remembering doing it. It started hurting last night and is still really sore this morning.
I joined this Facebook group for dementia caregivers. Boy, I feel so bad for some of these folks. So many of them have their parent living with them and are in much worse shape then my mom is, so far. DH keeps trying to tell me to have her live here. After reading what it's going to be like when she gets worse, it's a double no for me. Sorry, if that makes me a bad person/daughter, but I am not, nor have I ever been, a good nurse type of person. And with me having to work at least 10 more years, there is no way I could have her here 24/7 and work, even though I do work from home. I told dh she can more than afford assisted living/memory care when that time comes. He's like "well, I just hate that it would cost that much, no matter if she can afford it". I've learned over the past year and a half what my limits with her are. 2 days, 3 days max. By then I'm totally fried from repeating myself all day long. I can't even imagine then adding in what all these people deal with who's loved one is in later stages of dementia.
I would advise that you do not for one minute think of having her to live with you. She has the funds for extra care when it becomes necessary. You do a great job caring for her from your home, visiting regularly and keeping her finances safe. You work full time and should not feel you need to take on 24/7 care as well, which is what it would become.
ReplyDeleteThank you - I agree! An assisted living memory care place will be so much better equipped to take care of her than me. One thing I'm reading is that in later stages they start to wander around the house at night. There is no way that would work here. My guest rooms are upstairs and I'd be scared to death she'd end up falling down the stairs during the night!
DeleteI completely understand not being able to care for someone 24/7 that is suffering from dementia. It's unfair to the person suffering not to have someone who is equipped & willing, responsible for their care. Your mom is fortunate to be able to afford proper care. I've seen people try to handle this situation being totally unprepared. It's unfair to the patient and the caregiver.
ReplyDeleteTaking care of her the way I am now, I can have lots of patience with her. If she was living here, I know I would not. I am an introvert by nature. It's not in my nature to constantly be "on". It why I get so worn out just after having her here for a few days. There is no down time where I can recharge. DH can be a handful but I get lots of down time. I have a couple of hours in the mornings before he even gets up. He's fine to go off into his den for hours to surf the internet or go outside or in his shop to work on stuff. When mom is here, she must hear me get up, because she is up right after. I just want to drink my coffee, LOL.
DeleteDH can suggest you take her in, because the emotional labour is on you, not him! You'd be doing everything for her, you and DH - no easy feat. It is better you choose a good facility for her when the time comes. It is hard to do so, but necessary!
ReplyDeleteSince she's already been in senior semi assisted type living, it's going to be a much easier transition, at least for me. Rather than if she had stayed in her own home still and waiting until it got really bad to change everything for her.
Deletei agree with you!
DeleteI agree with you 100% - your mom has the money for any care she needs in the future and that is what it should be spent on - to make sure she is safe & secure. And no, I am not the "nurse-type" either - although I'm struggling with both of my parents (89 & 93) who are in independent living, but should seriously be considering assisted living. But, because their minds are both sharp, it is ultimately their decision. But I am there so often, helping. Today to help mom shower & dress. This is NOT how I want to spend my life. I know that sounds selfish - I love my parents tremendously, but I think experienced people should care for them when it gets to be time. I do their laundry, grocery shopping, driving to/from appts & we also take them out to dinner when they are feeling like it. But once things start to get harder, I'm going to have to really insist they either get a nurse/aid to come in a few days a week or go over to the assisted living section. They've got the money, and that's what they should spend it on. We, as daughters, can only do so much.
ReplyDeleteWhen dh mentions her living here I say but she wouldn't get any activities or the social aspect she has now. She loves to talk to people and where she lives is always someone around to chat with. I actually think she would decline here, from lack of activity to help keep her brain occupied. I agree, she has the money so it should be used to give her the best quality of life it can.
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